


Little Spark

by cellard00rs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, But also regular Sam, Fluff, Horror, Humor, Language, M/M, Original Character(s), Post-Season/Series 05 AU, Romance, Sexy Times, female!Sam, mentions of attempted non con, probably badly written humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:05:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2560715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cellard00rs/pseuds/cellard00rs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU taking place after Season 5. Sam is resurrected by God as a woman and is tasked with stopping The Decimation, an event that would wipe out everything in existence. Castiel is assigned as his Guardian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This ignores the last bit of the episode 'Swan Song' (Season 5, episode 22), where we see Sam outside of Dean and Lisa's place. This story was written for the Supernatural Kink Big Bang 2015 and features amazing artwork by the lovely Pan (winchesterchola). Find the art post on her [Tumblr here](http://winchesterchola.tumblr.com/post/112294511324/little-spark-art-post). Thanks also to [waywardfangir1](http://waywardfangir1.tumblr.com/) and [kimlorbane](http://kimlorbane.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing this fic!

__

 

 

_From a little spark may burst a flame._  
**-Dante Alighieri**

 

Sam emerged from the deep depths of cold water with a sharp gasp.

He took in several ragged breaths and blinked, wiping at his face. He licked his lips and swallowed as he tried to get his bearings. Last he remembered he had been at Stull Cemetery and it had been…apocalyptic. That thought made him choke not only with a bizarre laugh but with the knowledge that he was now, quite acutely, not in a cemetery.

He was struggling to swim, to keep himself upright in what appeared to be a dark, endless sea or maybe a lake or…

He tossed his head from side to side; water whipping about, but his vision somehow clearing more. While it was indeed nighttime the dark water in which he had found himself submerged was not as endless as it appeared. In fact, a tiny sad beam of bright light indicated that there was a shoreline to his right.

He turned and started swimming in its direction and the closer he came the more he recognized that it was the thin beam of a flashlight. The sky above him was a sparkling vision of stars and the moon was so full it appeared almost unrealistic.

Sam had a hard time believing this was Lucifer’s cage, that this was Hell. It was far too quiet and serene and it certainly wasn’t at all what he had expected. In fact, it felt far too earthly. And the closer he came to shore the surer he was that he was alive and still on the mortal plane. For one thing, he was wet and cold and for another he was…naked…

…and not just naked…

As his feet met with the soft, squishy muck beneath the water and he finally managed to get some mobility he realized he was…different.

Bodily different.

There was a strange weight hanging from his chest and something that was a very, very distinct part of his anatomy was missing from between his legs. He reached under the water and ran his hands all over himself.

“Holy shit,” he breathed and oh, that was definitely different. The voice that came out of him was distinctly feminine and the breasts he was currently touching were even more so. He looked down and couldn’t make out his body but he didn’t need to, to know he was touching a woman’s body.

And just when he thought his life couldn’t get any stranger. Though he would take strange over horrific any day. And giving himself to Lucifer, going to Hell, causing the Apocalypse – yeah, all of that was far more horrific than this.

But this was…new.

And weird.

And something that he couldn’t even really properly wrap his head around, especially not right now when the last thing he had remembered was, well, falling into a pit and doing his damned best to prevent the end of days.

And Dean…he remembered Dean…

Water rushed back into his mouth and he suddenly realized that somehow he had forgotten all about the fact that he was, for all intents and purposes, barely floating. Forcing himself to focus he pushed his feet back into the muck and tried to stand. But standing was impossible, his limbs shaking like jelly. Instead he floundered back and sank beneath the water again.

He came up gagging and then noticed that the flashlight was coming closer. He rasped out, “Dean!”

“No,” came a deep, throaty voice and Sam looked up to see Castiel valiantly trudging through the water closer to him. He reached down and took firm hold of Sam beneath his arms, tugging him up and out of the drink. He managed to easily bring Sam to shore and set him down gently on the sandy beach.

He then draped a big, heavy blue blanket around him, which Sam thankfully clung to, bundling himself up tightly. Castiel, apparently noticing his discomfort, brought over a pile of twigs and with a mere wave of his hand they burst into flame. Sam looked over at him with raised eyebrows and Castiel gave a mere shrug, “I’m an angel once more.”

“Where’s Dean?”

“With Lisa, as you requested.”

Sam blinked and felt water rolling off of him in rivulets, he took in a deep breath, “So, what-what happened?”

“What do you last remember?”

“You dead, Bobby dead, me almost killing Dean, trapped inside my own body screaming and clawing and not being able to do a goddamn thing until,” a strangled noise escaped him and he shook his head, “that stupid army man…”

Castiel looked at him in confusion, “I do not recall the army being in attendance.”

Sam huffed, “No, it – it was something I saw in the Impala. I saw this…it doesn’t matter. All that matters was I had control again and I-I did it. I know I did it. I took Lucifer, Michael, Adam and myself and I tossed us right down into the cage, right down into that hole and into…”

He looked around wildly, “It was all black, then white, then I came bursting up out of the water and now…this isn’t Hell, is it?”

“No, this is Smoky Hill River near Assaria, Kansas.”

“Okay,” Sam drew the word out, “But why am I here? And – and this is super important – why am I in a woman’s body?”

“You’re in your body.” Castiel said simply and Sam scoffed, “Cas, I know you’re not always that up to date with everything but, ah, you do know that, up until this point, my body has always been a man’s body, right?”

“I am fully aware of your gender,” Castiel said in that tone that always made Sam think that he had offended him somehow, “However; the body you currently inhabit is your own. It is not a vessel. It is the body God gave you.”

Sam’s eyes bugged, “God?”

“After your sacrifice he resurrected me and I, in turn, resurrected Bobby. Dean was quite unhappy with the situation, believing God had given him nothing, had given you nothing and, instead, had merely done whatever it was that he wished.”

“And he…didn’t?”

Cas sighed, “When I returned to Heaven I expected anarchy. Instead there was peace. God had returned. And he has been…quite authoritative since his return. Apparently much of what happened was what he wanted. At least, I think so. It’s hard to tell. He’s back but he’s also…selective or what you might call anti-social. In fact, I am only going off the orders, the knowledge; that he seared within me.”

“And that is?”

Cas looked at Sam warily, “He brought you out of Lucifer’s Cage. He brought you out and left Lucifer and Michael to their own devices within. He granted Adam passage to Heaven but you…he told me your story is not over yet.”

“Okay, but that still doesn’t explain why I’m a woman…”

“From what I can put together, God now views you as a perfect representation of what he wanted with human beings. You’re flawed but you have done all you can within your power to right that, to make yourself something better than you are. By overcoming Lucifer, by sacrificing yourself, you proved that even if something is broken it is capable of some kind of function. Perhaps not the function it was initially intended for but to serve a purpose, any purpose, despite imperfections.”

“So, what? Since I’m a royal fuck up who tried not to be one, he’s impressed?”

Castiel looked frustrated, “Not exactly. Look, It’s hard to explain but all that you need to know is that when you did what you did your original body, your soul, everything about you was…consumed.”

“Consumed?”

“Obliterated,” Cas said flatly, “It turns out that your actions, your…choice to leap into cage made it so that the magic therein eradicated you in your entirety. Naturally, we were all unaware of this possibility. Even Lucifer didn’t know that if you chose to offer yourself up so willingly to the cage once you were his vessel he wouldn’t even have you to toy with inside of it. You were, for all intents and purposes, completely wiped out. No afterlife, no Heaven, no Hell, no existence – nothing.”

Sam ran his hands over himself again as if to double check, “But…I’m here.”

“Apparently there was a…spark,” Castiel frowned and it was clear that he was having a difficult time finding the right words to explain what happened, “A tiny flash of,” he waved his hands about helplessly, “you, that God was able to take hold of. He used that to completely remake you from nothing and I do mean nothing. That spark was not at all substantial but somehow he…managed. I think he might have actually reached across the barriers of time and universes to gather…samples of you from elsewhere.”

“Wait, so…you’re saying this is, what? An alternate reality version of me?”

“That is about the closest approximation I can give you.”

Sam ran a hand through his hair to discover it was quite longer than he remembered and he eyed Castiel suspiciously, “Why are you here?”

“God sent me to this location. You have experienced recreation, even been baptized by his hand and I have now been assigned to be your Guardian in this next chapter.”

“Next chapter?”

Castiel shifted where he sat, “As I said, he told me your story is not over. Everything with Lucifer and Michael has been put to rest but there are still demons, monsters, Heaven and Hell. And…there is Dean.”

Sam felt his heart clench at his brother’s name, “What about him?”

“He still has his part to play.”

Sam tried to get to his feet but stumbled, still weak. However he managed to hiss, “You leave him alone.”

Castiel rose the moment Sam started to move and he held out a placating hand, “I have no desire to hurt him. Neither does God. But Dean’s life isn’t over and as long as you are around, you two will always be part of one another’s lives, ergo he will come to pass.”

“I don’t want him mixed up in this!” Sam scowled, “I didn’t do what I did for Dean to be stuck in this life, to continue to suffer and to continue to be a Hunter! This was all supposed to be over! It was supposed to be…”

Rubbing a hand over his face, Sam let out a broken sound, “Why bring me back at all if it is just going to start all over again? Why not just let me be wiped out? I wouldn’t know, obviously. And Dean wouldn’t know and…seems like we would be better off if I just remained gone…”

“God needs you,” Cas said softly, “He needs you, Sam Winchester, in particular. Your actions with Lucifer were the sign he needed. Something is coming, something so unspeakable it wasn’t even recorded in any written works. The Decimation.”

“And how is that any different from the Apocalypse?” Sam asked in a hollow tone.

“The Apocalypse was about Lucifer and Michael, about Heaven and Hell, warring and battling. The Decimation is something else entirely. It’s what you, and you alone, have already experienced. Imagine if everything, everyone, ceased to exist.”

Sam let that sink in, “But God brought me back…”

“Barely. And if Decimation happens ALL of creation would be gone in an instant. God, even Death, would no longer be. Nothing would be. There would be nothing. Period.”

“But…how?”

Castiel rose to his feet, “I’ll explain later. First, you need to rest.”

Sam took in a deep breath through his nose and shifted where he sat as Cas walked over and raised one hand, fingers poised to touch his temple. Sam shrank back slightly, “You’re going to zap me, aren’t you?”

The words were barely out of his mouth before he heard the sound of wings.

 

+

 

 

Sam had sealed his eyes shut upon the contact of Cas’ fingers and he now gingerly opened one eye to find…a motel room.

Of course.

Just like old times.

His home away from any real home.

This motel had clearly never escaped the 70s and was all maroon and wooden walls, brown rugs and golden paneling. There were also the normal accoutrements – two twin beds, a television, phone, cabinets, coffee marker and a small restroom.

Castiel gestured to this, remarking, “If you would like to freshen up before you sleep, I’ve already managed to procure you new clothes and some other toiletries. It is all in there.”

Sam rose gingerly from where he had landed (rather ungracefully) on the floor of the motel, sodden blue blanket still wrapped around him. He moved with a strange gait, still unused to his new limbs. Once he was carefully ensconced in the restroom, door firmly shut behind him, he dropped the blanket and took everything in.

His hair was still brown but it now it brushed past his shoulders and he once again had a long curtain of bangs hanging just above his eyes. Eyes that were still the same color as he had always remembered which was nice since so much else had changed. His nose was a little thinner and longer then he was used to seeing and his lips were a tad fuller. And then of course there was his height and general shape.

He wasn’t exactly short for a woman but he was nowhere as close to towering as he used to be. His limbs were long and coltish – willowy if he wanted to be poetic about it – and his breasts were small and firm. He cupped one and then dropped it, feeling oddly guilty. This was him now and he had better get used to it, but it was all so…alien. So uncomfortable.

Shaking his head he climbed into the shower and rinsed himself off. Once out, he struggled with toweling himself dry, having once more to face the strangest sensations. If only everything would stop feeling so other worldly, he could probably get a better grip on the situation facing him. Instead he was toweling off the massive amounts of wet hair he now had and was internally debating whether or not he should just go and get it all cut off.

He highly doubted he could pull off the tomboy look with this face but he really didn’t care. Honestly the more he thought about it the more he found he didn’t really care about much of anything. Like he had told Cas earlier, things would have been so much better if he had just stayed gone. Erased. Bringing him back like this seemed awfully sadistic on God’s part.

But then, what was new?

Life sucked, death sucked, but sometimes in between he and Dean had found some good times.

Dean…

Sam looked at himself in the mirror again and touched the cool glass of his reflection. What would Dean think if he saw him like this? What would Dean have done if this had happened to him? How was Dean? Was he okay? Was he happy?

Turning away from himself and his unanswered questions, he found a duffle bag that was indeed packed with the clothes Cas had promised. He rummaged through them until he found a pair of underwear, some socks, some pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. Thankfully nothing was too far out of his comfort zone and he immediately chastised himself for the thought. Honestly, unless it was a dress, women’s clothes were not all that different from men’s clothes, especially when it came to sleep wear.

Sam also found a couple of flannel shirts, some tank tops and jeans inside that made him smile, even if it was the kind of smile that held no true warmth or happiness behind it. Instead it was the smile of someone who was relieved to see something familiar, no matter how stupidly familiar. Which was, naturally, when he came across the bras.

He lifted one and eyed it with great suspicion. He had no idea how this was going to work out for him. He had certainly taken his fair share off but putting one on himself…

Shrugging, he set it aside. It wasn’t something to worry about tonight.

He emerged from the bathroom and was surprised to see Cas still there. He was sitting on the edge of one of the beds, looking both parts somber and oddly innocent. Like a kid waiting in a Doctor’s office or something. His legs were even crossed and Sam wondered if he was fighting the urge to swing them. Shaking his head at himself, Sam asked, “You’re still here?”

Cas nodded, “I told you, I am your Guardian now. It’s my new mission.”

Sam raised his eyebrows at that, “What about Dean? Aren’t you his angel?”

The disdainful look Castiel shot him was enough to make Sam raise his hands in surrender. Sam climbed under the covers with a heavy sigh, realizing suddenly that he was exhausted. He didn’t even have enough energy to ask Cas to turn off the lights, instead falling into a deep, dreamless sleep the moment his head hit the pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Sam went to the bathroom and had what was no doubt a massive panic attack. The previous evening everything had been so muddled and rushed, so dreamlike that Sam had not had a chance to fully comprehend what had happened. Now in the cold light of day, the reality of his situation began to sink in and it tore through his entire nervous system like a tornado.

He found himself huddled on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, shaking like a leaf, his breath bottled up in his throat, his chest constricted. He tugged at his hair and rocked back and forth, feeling like his head would burst and that his heart had transformed into a wriggling, vile creature. A creature trying to claw its’ way out and a pained sound escaped him.

A sound that must have been louder than he had thought because in the blink of an eye Cas was in the room, towering over him. Sam couldn’t see his face, couldn’t see his eyes, but somehow he felt them. Felt Cas looking down at him and Sam was equal parts terrified that he would say something or that he would say nothing and he didn’t know which one he wanted more.

All he truly knew was that he was either dying or going crazy or both. He had been possessed by Lucifer. He had beaten his brother to a bloody pulp. He had sacrificed himself up to the cage. He had wiped himself out completely. He had been nothing. He had been nonexistent. But now here he was and he was real but he wasn’t in his own body.

He was shaped completely differently – he was missing parts of his anatomy but had new ones attached and it was like he had been taken apart and stitched back together and nothing felt right, nothing felt real and this wasn’t who he was but it also was who he was and he was, he was…

Sam’s rocking increased in pace and Castiel came closer. He crouched down near Sam and Sam shrank away from him, curled deeper into himself. Castiel drew back and said softly, “It’s okay.”

Sam let out a choked breath and Castiel continued, “You are in distress. If you wish to talk about it, I will listen.”

Drawing in a shaky breath Sam tried to speak but found it impossible. Instead he shook his head and Cas nodded, “Very well but know that I am here for you and I am not going anywhere.”

Castiel took a better seat on the floor as Sam wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his forehead on top of them. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and tried to relax but found the task nearly impossible. He raised his head and looked into Cas’ eyes. They were so blue. So calming and cool. He looked at them and tried to breathe.

As if reading his thoughts, Castiel said quietly, “Breathe with me.”

Cas drew in one breath and let it out. Then he did it again. Sam started copying him and slowly the crippling feelings began to leach out of him. He kept his eyes locked with Cas’ and focused on breathing. He didn’t know how long they sat there doing that but before Sam knew it he felt better. He looked at Castiel and finally spoke; his voice a croak, “Thank you.”

Castiel nodded and rose to his feet, “You require sustenance. There is a diner within walking distance of this establishment if you are interested.”

Sam gave a mute nod and slowly rose to his feet.

 

 

+

 

Sam didn’t change out of his sleeping gear – not quite ready to face his new body again – and instead merely drew out a hoodie and some sneakers. If he didn’t look down and didn’t think about it, he could almost forget that he was a woman now. Lord knew he certainly didn’t _feel_ like one.

In fact he was finding as he walked to the diner that he was starting, blessedly, not to feel much of anything. He preferred numbness to the bare nakedness of emotions he'd experienced earlier. This was better. This was more his speed. This was how he imagined Dean would deal with it – denial. Denial with a dash of ignorance.

Not that he could be completely oblivious to his surroundings. Especially not with Castiel tailing after him like a lost puppy. The angel, true to his word, had had yet to show any signs that he planned on leaving Sam’s side anytime soon. It was strange – Sam was so used to Castiel flittering in and out that having him around for more than an hour felt oddly improper.

Castiel was an angel. Surely he had better things to do than babysit Sam. Even if God was back in Heaven and on the throne (as it were) there had to be other angels up there like Zachariah and Uriel who needed to be brought to task. Not that that was what Cas did up there. Hell, Sam wasn’t even exactly sure what Castiel did.

Past from what he was currently doing, which was watching Sam. They had found a cozy booth in the diner and Sam was trying to stay focused on the menu but found it somewhat difficult. Mainly because the angel sat across from him, head tilted to one side; eyes slightly squinted as if he were studying a particularly interesting scientific specimen. For all Sam knew, that’s precisely what he was.

While Cas had been oddly good at comforting him earlier, Sam knew better than to forget the fact that the being sitting across from him was not at all human. Sam, however, was. He was mortal and mortals had always been something of a conundrum to both demons and angels alike. Bags of meat, mongrels, monkeys…so many colorful euphemisms that these supernatural beings had for them.

Sam did his best to ignore Castiel’s inquisitive stare and instead managed to attract the attention of a matronly-looking waitress who took his order with a smile. She turned to ask Castiel what he wanted but Sam quickly waved her off, telling her that Cas wasn’t hungry.

The waitress smiled and gave Sam a wink, “Well, a girl would know her guy best, wouldn’t she? I’ll be back with your coffee and food in two shakes.”

Sam opened his mouth to correct her and then thought better of it. Who cared if some waitress in a diner thought that Sam and Cas were a couple? Sam had more important things to worry about and he chose to finally face them as he looked at Cas, “Alright, well, let’s hear it.”

Castiel’s face was one of bemusement and Sam rolled his eyes, “Come on, you told me God brought me back for a reason. The Decimation?”

Castiel shifted in his seat, looking distinctly unsettled, “I had heard of it before. Just whispers but nothing very concrete. Everyone was more focused on the Apocalypse because that was fated to happen. How exactly it would happen was up in the air but we knew for a fact it would come to pass. This…”

He trailed off, shaking his head and Sam sat up, “I still don’t understand how this can be worse.”

The angel looked at Sam as if he had lost his mind, “The Apocalypse meant hell on earth, it meant Lucifer free and the end of days. But more accurately the end of days as we know them to be. There would be no more peace or love or understanding. There would just be lightning, earthquakes, hail and fire, the burning of trees, mass extinction, poisoned waters, and monsters plaguing the earth. Souls would be reaped but there would be souls to reap. There would be an existence, no matter how horrible.”

“Yeah, I remember you mentioning all of this. You said Decimation means-”

“Nothing,” Castiel stressed, “All of this,” he waved to everything around them, “Would be wiped out. It would be a monumental devastation. Everything God has done, everything you and your brother has done, everything anyone has ever done ever would be completely meaningless.”

“Well, who is behind this? How would they cause it?”

“That’s the thing,” He muttered, “No one knows. As I told you, this was never recorded. Not by any prophet or any scholar. It was an idea that was presented right at the very beginning of all of creation. An idea to just…not start. To not do anything. But God did start. He created each and every thing, crafted one after another and then after another.”

“Imagine it like he wove a tapestry – each thread carefully picked out, each shape unique and fine in its own form. Then the Apocalypse happens – the tapestry changes but there is STILL a tapestry. The Decimation is someone taking that tapestry and tossing it into a fire until there are not even ashes left. Out of the two options, one is far more reasonable than the other. That’s why the Apocalypse was recorded – that’s why prophets saw it as a possibility. The Decimation, on the other hand, is such madness that no one ever thought it would actually come to pass.”

Sam let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair. He felt like they were talking in circles, “Okay, but you must think it is coming to pass because otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”

“God has a good idea on how it could be accomplished. I assume you’ve read the Book of Genesis?”

Sam snorted, “Every version there is.”

“Then you know how it starts.”

Sam rolled his eyes and started reciting it by heart, “‘In the beginning-’”

Castiel cut him off, “Verse 3.”

Sam jumped ahead, “‘And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.’”

“God thinks whoever is behind Decimation might be planning on killing her.”

“Her?” Sam parroted, lost.

“Light,” Castiel said as if Sam was stupid for even asking but Sam’s eyes merely grew wide, “You’re joking, right?”

The angel clearly wasn’t and Sam yet again had to remind himself that Castiel didn’t have much of a sense of humor as he continued, “Cas, Light is a-a concept, it’s not a person.”

“True, Light is an immortal power like God or Death but like either one of them is capable of taking on a human vessel. The last I heard the vessel in question was female.”

Sam blinked several times as that sank in, “But God created Light.”

“No, you said it yourself. God said ‘let there be Light’. He’s credited with creating both Heaven and Earth but not Light. He is merely documented as saying Light should be present and that he would like to call it ‘Day’ and he has upon occasion.”

“You’ve…met Light?”

“Not directly but I’ve heard stories. As far as I know, only God and Death have met with her. Death in particular is not a fan. She being, after all, his complete and total opposite.”

Sam opened his mouth to ask more but by then the waitress appeared with his coffee and breakfast. He distracted himself with that for a while, trying to settle his buzzing thoughts at these revelations. Once his plate was cleared he started again, “So, Light is an entity and she and Death don’t get along?”

Castiel shrugged, “She’s not just Light, she’s Life. Without her, God couldn’t create all the things that Death has had to reap.”

“Shouldn’t he like her then? Seems like she gives him purpose.”

“It’s my understanding that he doesn’t like the idea that there could be something out there as powerful as him. He and God are on par with one another for the most part but he may, in fact, be older than God and has claimed that one day he will reap him as well. He might not actually be able to reap Light, which would add to their rivalry.”

“But you said the Decimation would be caused by someone murdering Light, so Light must be capable of some kind of death.”

“I used the word ‘killing’ because I couldn’t think of how else to put it. I suppose it would be better to say someone could put her on a leash much like Lucifer did with Death. The difference being that Death being a Horseman and being part of the Apocalypse was just par for the course. Leashing Light, controlling her in any fashion has more catastrophic results.”

“Life will not be contained, life breaks free, life finds a way,” Sam said under his breath, thinking of ‘Jurassic Park’ but Castiel, as was his way, did not catch the reference and instead nodded in agreement, “Exactly.”

San sat back, resting his neck on the booth, eyes on the stucco ceiling above him, “None of this explains why God brought me back. Why do I have to do this?”

“You don’t think you are capable?”

“No,” Sam closed his eyes, “I don’t.”

“Sam…”

Sam breathed out loudly, “Cas, I’m not exactly the poster boy for good decisions. Much less the best out of the Winchester bunch. Dean talks a lot of shit about himself but I would much rather you put the fate of the world in his hands than in mine.”

“I thought you wanted to keep him out of this.”

Sam lowered his head and met Castiel’s eyes, “I do. That’s why I’ll do this even though I don’t want to. Even though I don’t see the point. Frankly, I identify more with the guy who’s trying to pull this off. Non-existence seems a whole lot better than our current lot.”

“Is that truly how you feel?” Castiel asked softly, “Because if it is, you can choose to walk away. God brought you back, yes, but he won’t force you to do this.”

The expression on Sam’s face was one of utter incredulity but Cas continued, “Think about it, Sam. He assigned me to you. Why? He could have chosen one of his more…inflexible soldiers. You say you have made poor decisions but you are not alone. There are many in my garrison who view me with negativity. I am at best pitied and at worst vilified for my…affection for the mortal race. You and your brother, the way I have treated you both and responded to your wishes, your whims, your wills…I have discovered the validity in free will and am the most likely of my brethren to offer you to choose whatever you will.”

“You’re saying God gave me a lax bodyguard because if I want to shake you off, I can?”

Castiel shook his head, “No, I will not leave you. I will watch over you and not because God asked me to. I will do it because I wish to do it. I made my choice and my choice was you.”

Sam blinked, “Oh, um…thanks?”

“Your cheeks have changed color.”

“What?” Sam raised his hands to his cheeks and realized they were warm, “Ah, yeah…guess I’m blushing. I don’t know…what you said was, uh, kind of flattering.”

“It was not intended to be. It was merely the truth.”

Lowering his hands, Sam huffed a laugh, “Well thanks for that mood killer.”

“When God told me he was bringing you back and how he was doing so, I was aware of how…difficult it would be for you. He did tell me to help you but had he not, I would have volunteered. For you and for Dean. This is what your brother would want, for you to not to have to face this alone. Though, more specifically, he would wish to face it with you. Which is why-”

“No,” Sam interrupted firmly, “No Dean. I meant it when I said I didn’t want him mixed up with this. If he’s with Lisa, if he’s happy…then that’s all I care about. And I want that to continue. So, despite my personal feelings about existence, I will do whatever I have to in order to stop this thing.”

“Then you’ve no qualms with stopping Decimation?”

“No. Let’s do this.”


	3. Chapter 3

As they returned to the room to get Sam’s new things he wondered vaguely about transportation. Was Cas going to just zap them from place to place? Because that was not something that Sam really wanted to go through repeatedly. While he didn’t have as visceral a reaction to the teleportation as Dean did it, it was still not his preferred method of travel.

This led his thoughts to the Impala and then naturally to Dean and he felt a pressure build up behind his eyes that promised a wicked headache if it continued. He had to stop thinking about his brother. Dean was with Lisa. Dean was (hopefully) happy. And most importantly, Dean was not hunting.

He was getting the kind of life he deserved. He had sacrificed so much. Sam wouldn’t have him sacrifice anymore. Sam had no doubt he and Cas could handle this thing on their own and, if not, it wouldn’t really matter would it? Everything would end and that would be that.

Sam questioned why he wasn’t more upset about that possibility. Honestly, he really hadn’t been lying when he told Cas he didn’t care if it all ended. He didn’t. The way his current existence was – not being in his own body, not being with Dean – he didn’t really have all that much to live for. But he wasn’t selfish enough to not recognize that other people certainly did.

Dean being one of them.

So, Sam would do his best and just try to carry on. It was the best he could do for now. Taking hold of the duffle bag Cas gave him, he headed outside. Despite Castiel’s promise that he would be by his side at all times the angel had chosen to stay in the parking lot and as Sam stepped out he realized why.

A dark blue, pristine 1968 Dodge Charger was pulled up in front of him, the rear end of the car decorated with a white stripe wrapped around it and Sam couldn’t help the whistle that left him. He wasn’t anywhere near as much of a gearhead as Dean, but even he could appreciate a nicely maintained classic car.

Castiel rested back against the car, hands in the pockets of his trench coat, “Not your brother’s vehicle, naturally, but I have it on reliable authority that this is also an acceptable form of transport.”

“‘Reliable authority’?”

“Bobby.”

Sam felt his lips twitch, “Bobby gave you a car?”

“As well as the required clothing in your possession.”

“What did you tell him to get all this?”

“I told him that it was needed in service of the Lord.”

Sam’s eyebrows rose, “And that worked?”

“No. That was met with a series of insults and expletives. However, he did agree to give me the items on the sole condition that I explain everything to him about why exactly they were needed. We came to a compromise.”

“Which was?”

Castiel walked over to the driver’s side of the car and opened the door, “I told him I would deliver the reason to him. However,” he shifted where he stood, looking chagrined, “I do not have the required skills to drive.”

“You want me to go to Bobby’s then?” Sam asked, “You want him to see me like this?”

“If you do not wish to go, we do not have to. Subterfuge in the time of war is more than acceptable. Both you and your brother have masterfully deceived others when necessary. I could view my conversation with Bobby as such, if you desire.”

Sam looked down at his new body and then back at Cas, “No, I don’t want you to have to do that. Mainly because Bobby would kill you.”

Instead of picking up on the sarcasm, Castiel instead looked relived, “Thank you, Samuel. I am aware this is not something you would wish to do. However, I think enlisting Bobby’s help would be best. Especially if you wish to leave Dean out of this.”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed dryly and he climbed into the car, slightly amused as Castiel shut the door for him. He could get used to having an angel as his personal valet.

+

They drove in silence for a while until Sam caved and turned on the radio. It was just too weird to drive and not listen to music. His first instinct was to search for classic rock but he pushed that aside. That would get him to thinking about Dean and he really needed to stay focused on the mission.

He found a station that played old 90s tracks and chose to stick with it. After all, he grew up to most of this music and unlike Dean, didn’t find it to be a complete abomination of sound. Song after song played and for a while Sam was grateful that Cas didn’t have a word to say.

But as the road stretched on, he found himself growing tetchy for conversation. Finally he cracked, “So this is my body from an alternate world or something, right?”

Cas didn’t answer, didn’t even look at him but Sam continued, “Because if that’s the case I’m surprised that God didn’t…I don’t know…take some samples of me from a time or world where I was a man. I mean, wouldn’t that make more sense? I mean, he’s got to realize what a huge adjustment this is for me, right?”

Still no answer.

“Not that I have anything against women. But, y’know, I was-AM-a man and all of this might be a little easier for me if I was what I am. Clearly God is powerful and, okay, for whatever reason he didn’t want to bother himself with stopping the Apocalypse and obviously he is once again taking the same stance on the Decimation but if he’s going to have me do it and go through the trouble of bringing me back TO do it, you would think he’d want me to be at peak condition.”

“You are at peak condition,” Castiel finally spoke up, eyeing Sam up and down, “You just happen to be in a different form than you are used to. The demon blood in your body, the craving for it – all of that has been expunged from you. You are whole. Transcendent. If anything, you can now at least have a better understanding of my own struggles. This vessel is confining and highly different from what I recognize as myself but I make do with it for the sake of the mission at hand. You must do the same.”

Sam gave careful thought to that response before saying, “Okay, fair enough. But that still doesn’t answer my question about why he couldn’t have just made a copy of me in my natural male form.”

Castiel rubbed at the back of his neck and it was such an uncommon and nervous gesture that Sam latched on to it, “Whoa, hold up…is-is there a reason he brought me back as a girl?”

“I would offer you a similar answer to the one I almost gave your brother long ago but I doubt it would be well received.”

“Which is?”

“The lord works in mysterious ways.”

Sam let out a derisive laugh, “Dean received that well?”

“No. He threatened me with violence if I finished the sentence.”

“I understand why,” Sam sighed, “So, God brought me back this way on purpose. Do I even want to know why?”

Castiel expression was stony and Sam knew then that he wouldn’t. Still, he couldn’t help but press the issue, “Alright, well do I at least get to know why God finally chose to come back now? You know, after everything with the Apocalypse was finished? And, hey, while we’re at it, I’d also like to know the answers to the classics, like why bad things happen to good people and why he won’t help.”

“He did,” Cas pointed out, “He brought you back, he brought me back.”

“But he didn’t save Dean from going to Hell,” Sam tossed out bitterly, “He didn’t save my mother, my father, Jessica-”

“Your complaint against God is that he doesn’t hand you everything you want on a silver platter? That he doesn’t constantly hold your hand?”

Sam was almost tempted to pull the car off the road just so he could smack Cas, “That’s not what I meant and you know it!”

Castiel looked at him, “Sam, I’m not going to get into deep theological debates with you. We don’t have time for it and it has little to nothing to do with our current task. All I’ll say in conclusion is, yes, God brought you back this way for a reason. No, I do not know what it is. He did not share that information with me. Yes, I wish he was more involved but this is where we stand for now. We can do nothing or we can do something and earlier you led me to believe that you chose to do something.”

“I am,” Sam confirmed hotly, “I did. But I still reserve the right to be pissed about my situation.”

Castiel nodded, “That’s fine but please try to restrain yourself in my presence. That’s all I ask of you.”

Sam turned to look at Cas and, thinking back to earlier, when Cas had comforted him in the motel when he’d been panicking, he couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit like an ass. So, God screwed a Winchester over? What was new about that? Heaven, Hell – neither faction had treated Sam or Dean well.

But Castiel had treated them well and Castiel cared about this. Castiel cared. And suddenly Sam realized that that was, in point of fact, rather important to him. Almost as important as if Dean cared about it. And Dean would too, if he knew about what was going on. With that in mind, Sam nodded, “Okay, Cas. You’ve got yourself a deal.”

 

+

 

Sam pulled up to Bobby’s with a mounting sense of dread.

His last memory of Bobby filled him with abject horror and shame. He had killed the man with a careless gesture. Okay and yes, maybe it had actually been Lucifer who had done it but he had done so from within Sam’s body. He had done so because Sam hadn’t been strong enough, smart enough, good enough to stop him. Sam had failed Bobby and failed him miserably.

And now, to top it all off, he was going to have to face him like this.

Cas gave him a steady look, “We can still leave.”

Bobby walked out of his house and Sam took in a deep breath. He shook his head and slowly emerged from the car. Bobby eyed him and Castiel equally, “This it then? You ask me to gather up a helluva lot of weird ass shit and for what? Your new girlfriend?”

Castiel opened his mouth but then looked at Sam as if lost for words. Sam put his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and scuffed one boot against the ground, trying to think of what to say himself. The answering silence to Bobby’s questions only made him scoff, “No, wait. Let me guess. This is the new virgin Mary. She knocked up with the new Christ? ‘Cause you gave me some bull about this being a mission for the Lord.”

“It is,” Castiel confirmed, “But she is not a she.”

Bobby looked stumped, “You want to run that by me again?”

“I’m,” Sam breathed out, “I’m not a girl. I’m…Sam.”

He rocked back on his heels, “Sam?”

Sam nodded.

Bobby looked between the two of them but zeroed in on Cas, “What is this? Some kind of joke? ‘Cause it sure as hell ain’t funny. I swear, I will pluck the feathers of your wings one by one if-”

“Bobby,” Sam interrupted firmly and walked closer to him, “It’s me. Okay? Just-just look at me.”

Bobby looked deep into Sam’s eyes and Sam did his best not to squirm. The anxiousness led him to start babbling, “You know, I guess after Dean came back from Hell we really should have come up with some kind of system for-for validating one another’s identities. I mean, I could tell you anything you want to know, pass any tests you might have but there’s no real way for you to know I am who I say I am because honestly I-”

Sam’s words cut off as Bobby drew him into a tight hug. Sam drew his hands from his pockets and hugged him back. Bobby pulled away and clapped him hard on one shoulder, “I know an idjit when I see one.”

A whole mountain of tension slipped away from Sam at those words and he smiled, even when Bobby eyed him up and down, remarking dryly, “Though you do look mighty different.”

He snorted in response, rolling his eyes, “Yeah, I’m …doing my best to adjust.”

“If it helps any, you’re actually a nice lookin’ young lady. Always suspected that if this ever happened to you or Dean you’d look a sight sorer on the eyes.”

Sam’s brow furrowed, “You…imagined what we’d look like if we got turned into girls?”

Bobby shrugged, “It’s been known to happen to Hunters before. I’ve heard quite a few tales of gender swaps. Ever hear of Tiresias? And then there’s your Tricksters. Honestly surprised Gabriel never gave it a shot. Seems like it’d be right up his alley.”

“That is true,” Castiel agreed, “My brother would have taken much pleasure in this.”

“Yeah, but seeing as he’s out to pasture, who put this whammy on you?” Bobby asked eyeing Sam, “Was this some weird ass side effect of Lucifer? I take it he ain’t in residence no more.”

“No,” Sam confirmed, “Lucifer’s gone.”

“What was it then? Some side effect of the Cage? Did you even fall into that or did you take a side trip to hell? Or did bright eyes over here get you out of all of it right quick?”

“Castiel didn’t get me out of the cage or hell and he didn’t-didn’t cause this change. God did.”

“Whoa, whoa – hold up. God? As in-”

“As in my Father,” Castiel interjected, “Yes. He has returned.”

“Well, ain’t that nice of him to show up after all the fireworks,” Bobby muttered in disgust, shaking his head, “Why don’t y’all come inside and tell me about it.”


	4. Chapter 4

Sam left most of the explaining up to Castiel, not having the energy much less the enthusiasm to divulge everything that had happened. Bobby cast him a sideway glance now and then as Castiel was speaking and Sam did his best to shrink further and further into himself with each look. True, Bobby had welcomed him with open arms but Sam could still recall the terrible sound of the man’s neck breaking. Breaking because of Sam.

What was he supposed to do about that? Apologize? The very idea was laughable. Here was this man who meant so much to him and he had hurt him beyond belief. He had been stupid and weak and he had let Lucifer run rampant. He had let Lucifer take his life. Sam could never forgive himself for that. For any of it.

The only way this could be more unbearable for him was if Dean was present. Because while what he had done to Bobby was unforgiveable what he had done to Dean was unspeakable. Dean was, without a doubt, the most important person in Sam’s life. And Sam had failed him utterly.

Sam was so distracted going over his past mistakes in his mind that he didn’t hear Bobby talking to him until Bobby lightly smacked the back of his head, “Hey, Princess! Wake up! I asked you a question!”

“Oh! Uh, sorry…I was distracted.”

“Uh huh,” Bobby mumbled, “Asked if you wanted a beer.”

Sam nodded, “Sounds good.”

“Castiel?”

The angel shook his head and Bobby walked over to the fridge. He grabbed two beers and quickly popped off the caps. He gave one to Sam before taking a long drag on his own bottle, “I’ve never heard of any Decimation but then that isn’t a shocker considering it apparently hasn’t ever been recorded before. Understandable, seeing as it’s one helluva ludicrous idea. No one benefits from it far as I can tell. Still, shouldn’t be too hard to get an idea of who’s behind it. Leastways when you think about the fact that Light itself has loads of enemies. With some research we should be able to narrow it down. Maybe get a good handle on who’d be stupid enough to pull a stunt like this.”

“We would be grateful for your assistance,” Cas said with naked sincerity, “I had suggested to Sam that we also include Dean on this matter but he was highly against it.”

“That’s not much of a surprise,” Bobby returned and he watched Sam nurse his beer. It appeared the young man (who was currently in the shape of a young lady of all things) was once more lost to his thoughts. Not that Bobby blamed him. The boy had a lot to think about. First the Apocalypse, then Lucifer, and now this.

Bobby tugged on the end of his baseball cap and shot Cas a pointed look, “Hey, you want to take your wings out for a little spin? Maybe get in touch with some of your contacts? Might be one of your angel buddies heard something.”

“Unlikely. If they knew anything we would not be currently having this discussion on the possibility of-” Cas’ words dropped off as Bobby’s eyes seared into him and he swallowed, “Ah, I see. You are requesting I leave.”

“That’s the idea.”

Castiel, who had been sitting at a desk across from Sam, rose to his feet, “I suppose there are members of my garrison I could check in with.”

In the blink of an eye the angel was gone, leaving the two hunters alone. Sam was picking the label off his bottle, staring at it as if it had all of life’s answers. Bobby cleared his throat before taking another drink, “Something on your mind?”

Sam’s fingers stumbled over their work momentarily and he didn’t meet Bobby’s eyes, “No.”

“You sure about that?”

Sam didn’t answer but Bobby patiently waited. Out of the two Winchester brothers, Sam was the one more likely to speak up when something was bothering him. Granted, he’d been through a tremendous amount of shit and Bobby wouldn’t entirely blame the boy if he buckled up tight but he knew that deep down that just wasn’t Sam’s way. If this was Dean, well, that’d be a different story.

But Sam, even as a girl, still had some remarkable tells. He fidgeted where he sat, looking ready to burst and finally he did, clunking the bottle down on the table, “I’m just – I don’t know what to say. You know? I let you down. I killed you, Bobby.”

Sam looked up at him, eyes slightly glazed, “I killed you and I did it so-so casually!”

“Boy, you know you didn’t do it. That was all Lucifer.”

“Yeah, but,” Sam rubbed at his face, “I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop it. I killed you, I killed Cas and Dean…I could feel his bones breaking and I can still feel his blood on my hands and-”

Bobby sat across from him, “Sam, that wasn’t you. None of it. I know that, Castiel knows that, and sure as shit Dean knows it. If you’re expecting me to hold some resentment about what happened, forget it. I don’t. I don’t blame you for what happened and I sure as hell don’t think you let me down. You did the best that you could do. I know that. So stop with the guilt trip or I swear I’ll call up Dean so he can whup your ass proper.”

Sam’s lips twitched, “Have you heard from him?”

He shrugged, “Not much. Didn’t really suspect I would. You know, Castiel’s idea to bring him in isn’t a bad one.”

“Yes, it is,” Sam said sharply, “I want him out, Bobby. I need him out. I can handle this. We can handle it. Frankly, I wouldn’t even have brought you in if it wasn’t for Cas.”

“About that,” Bobby changed tack, seeing that Sam wasn’t going to budge on the Dean issue, “Surprised to see you running around with the angel. Thought he was Dean’s shadow.”

Sam shrugged, “You and me both. But apparently what I view as a failing, God sees as some sort of virtue. It’s why he brought me back and why he’s got me set on this path. And Cas, apparently, has signed on as my guardian.”

“So you got your own personal guardian angel? Ain’t that a kick in the head.”

Sam shook his head and took a sip of his beer, “Well, considering I used to believe in such things, I would have to agree with you. I actually feel kind of bad for Cas. Can’t imagine it’s a very illustrious job for a solider of Heaven.”

“Nah, it’ll be good for him. More time on Earth might help pull that stick out of his ass,” Bobby chuckled and nudged Sam, “Come on, let’s hit the books.”

+

While there were certainly a lot of references to both Light and Life respectively in a variety of sources, there wasn’t much that hinted at a way to cage such an entity, much less anyone who would try. It was true that several supernatural creatures had an aversion to light –vampires, shadow creatures, gargoyles-but there was nothing about any of them that suggested that they would consider such a measured attack.

There was also the issue of tracking down Light’s current vessel. Apparently Cas was able to uncover the fact that Light tended to burn through her vessels very quickly, so she tended to not stay in one more than twenty four hours or so, lest she kill the individual in question. As such she bounced about from place to place with remarkable speed – Sam almost made a ‘at the speed of light’ joke but checked himself, lest Bobby smack him upside the head for such sass.

With the investigation going so slow, Bobby ended up suggesting they take on other hunting jobs. Remarking, “I’m sick of you two boneheads lounging about here all the time with your thumbs up your butts! If the Winchester brothers aren’t doing the family business then Angel and the Badman will have to do it in the interim.”

“‘The Badman’, Bobby?” Sam asked, slightly insulted, “Really?”

“You were holding hands with Lucifer at one point, weren’t you?” Bobby teased and Sam glared at him. Bobby nudged him, “Come on, you idjit. Laugh! It’s all over now – no harm, no foul. The Apocalypse was averted, you ain’t in the cage – I’m alive, Cas’ alive, Dean’s alive. Wasn’t too bad a bit of work. ‘Cepting for the part where God remade you with a lady-shaped cookie cutter.”

“If that is the case, wouldn’t ‘Angel and the Badwoman’ be more accurate?” Cas asked, completely missing the point of the conversation - at least as far as Sam was concerned. Bobby, for his part, laughed it up and Sam couldn’t help but smile a little. It was nice – refreshing, really – to feel a little bit of happiness for once. 

But not complete happiness.

For complete happiness, Dean would have to be present. And Sam sure as hell didn’t want his brother to see him like this. Hell, he didn’t know what he wanted to do about Dean period. He just wanted to get this Decimation business wrapped up asap. But considering the trail for it was currently cold, taking on a case didn’t seem like a terrible idea.

Besides, it would be nice to distract Castiel. The angel had taken to watching Sam so closely that it was beginning to become a bit suffocating. Not to mention awkward. Very, very, very awkward. Sam was doing his damndest to get used to the body he was currently in and it was not at all easy. Everything was different. Everything. No matter how little or inane. Even using the restroom was different. And so, so weird.

And Cas wasn’t helping hovering around like he was. He had materialized behind Sam without a sound several times now and honestly that wouldn’t be so bad if all of them were one, when Sam was awake, and two, when Sam was fully clothed. Dean had mentioned that Cas had issues with personal space and privacy and Sam had only laughed at him, thinking that he was exaggerating. 

But having Cas just ‘pop in’ to his bed while he was sleeping or behind him while he was showering proved the validity to Dean’s claims. Especially since Cas had done it not once, not twice, but several times. Each time, Castiel did his best to defend his actions, stating that he was merely checking in on Sam’s welfare.

Remarks such as ‘you were tossing in your sleep and I was worried that your dreams were causing you distress’ to ‘you have been shampooing your hair longer than the recommended time listed on the bottle’ were just a few of the choice arguments he had had to offer. When Sam asked Cas if he had ever interrupted Dean while he was naked Cas’ silence on the matter had been overwhelming. 

Regardless, Cas clearly needed some sort of distraction and working a case seemed the best possible solution. 

With this in mind Sam had Bobby whip the both of them up with some new IDs and aliases. The older hunter assembled quite a nice selection of new dossiers and Sam looked at each, trying to wrap his head around them. In particular the ones dedicated to him. He had submitted to a new series of headshots but looking at them now, at his picture…it was like looking at a stranger.

A stranger with his eyes.

The fake names attached also threw him for a loop and he read a few of them off to Bobby, “Chrissie Hynde? Grace Slick? Ann Wilson?”

Bobby shrugged, “You boys always were fans of using classic rock musicians for your cover names. Didn’t figure that would change just because you got a new set of parts.”

“Surprised you didn’t go with Pat Benatar.” 

“Felt that was a tad bit too on the nose. Now how’s about you and the angel get to work.”

+

On the surface the case appeared pretty standard – rumors of a haunting, one or two unexplainable deaths connected to it–Sam was figuring it was a vengeful spirit and that it would be a standard salt and burn.

But of course, considering the recent trajectory of his life, it couldn’t be that simple. Hence why he ended up finding himself fending off attacks from what was revealed to be a banshee. One with long sharp claws and an almost insatiable hunger for human flesh. She had been feeding on homeless men but told him in an excruciatingly screechy rasp that he would more than do.

She swiped out at him and he did his best to avoid her, finding himself slightly off balance as they fought. He had thought he was well adjusted to his new form but every now and again he found himself caught off guard. After all, somewhere in the back of his mind he kept thinking of himself as a tall, broad shouldered man with the appropriate amount of muscle to get the job done.

He needed to factor in that while he was still tall, he was nowhere near the heights he used to be and his muscles had shifted to something sleeker and slimmer. Fighting back like he used to was no longer an option and evading capture, bobbing and weaving and thinking more on his feet, appeared to be the new alternative.

He wondered yet again where Cas had gone off to. The angel had proved more than helpful in regards to gathering the intel needed for this case, but when it came to getting his hands dirty in the actual hunt he was less than desired. Which was odd as Sam didn’t remember Cas as someone who would run from a fight. 

Then again, Sam had sort of jumped headfirst into this particular situation. They had gotten a tip on where the supposed spirit might be and Cas had advised caution. He had told Sam he wanted to check on a bit more research before they went off half-cocked and had directed the hunter to stay put until he got back.

But staying put meant sitting in the Charger and thinking and the last thing Sam wanted to do lately was think. Now he understood, better than ever, why Dean had always been about the action, about the job. Because thinking and mulling things over, especially lately, was the absolute worst.

Then again, having a banshee trying to rip your throat out wasn’t all that much better and Sam was finding himself running lower and lower on options. While he had managed to use a lot of broken down clutter from around her lair as good distractionary weapons nothing came close to actually taking her down. For that he knew he would need iron and he highly doubt she left that sort of thing lying around seeing as it was her one weakness.

Just as she was lunging in for a no doubt fatal blow, she stopped and let out an ear splitting screech. Sam covered his ears and cried out in unison, the sound she was emitting making him cringe. He fell to his knees but forced himself to look up; trying to see what had caused her to cry out. A sharp metal rod was speared through her chest and behind it he could see Castiel, the angel’s expression grim as he pushed the weapon in deeper.

The banshee’s long, pitiful wail eventually died and she started to break apart. It was almost as if lightning existed in her veins, shattering through her visage until she literally burst in a series of sparks. Cas dropped the rod and Sam realized belatedly that it was an old iron fire poker.

He asked Castiel where he got it from but realized with some horror that he couldn’t hear himself. He tried again and again and still couldn’t hear anything. Castiel looked at him with some exasperation and walked over, brushing his fingertips along Sam’s forehead.

Sound rushed back into Sam’s ears and he licked his lips, trying again, “Where did you-?”

“Where I got the poker from is irrelevant. I told you to wait for me.”

“Cas, I couldn’t wait. Okay? People were dying…”

“No one was in danger of coming to this location any time soon. The previous victims were what are commonly referred to as ‘squatters’ and after the news broke that this was an undesirable location to squat there was no need to worry for possible future losses. You came here explicitly against my wishes because you were impatient. A flaw I believed only resided within your brother.”

Sam gave him a sad smirk, “Well then, you’ve got a lot to learn about me.”

Castiel offered Sam a hand up and he took it, rising to look up at the angel with a heartfelt sigh, “Remember when I used to look down at you instead of up?”

“You are referring to our height difference?”

Sam waved a hand between the top of his head and found it now reached towards the middle of Cas’ face. Dammit. Being shorter than he remembered was annoying, “Yeah. What else would I mean?”

“It was my understanding that looking down on someone can also mean you think less of them.”

Sam shrugged, “It does but I don’t think less of you. Even if you were almost a little late on that save.”

Castiel scowled, “I was unable to locate you quickly because I believed you were still where I told you to be.”

“Don’t you have some angel sixth sense that helps you locate us quickly?”

“You were not praying for me and since I raised Dean from perdition my connection to him is stronger.”

Sam’s eyebrows rose at that, “How romantic.”

Castiel looked murderous and Sam couldn’t help but chuckle then wince as chuckling awoke several bruised muscles and made him realize he had a few scrapes as well. The banshee may not have succeeded in killing him but she had sure put his body through the wringer.

As much as he hated to admit it, it was clear he was in need of some retraining. He would have to learn to readjust himself to face combat in this new body. Unlike the body swap he had shared with Gary this was (as far as he knew) a permanent situation. And whether he felt like a woman or not, a woman he was and he was a woman who needed to learn how to fight.

Which was pretty much what he told Bobby verbatim when they returned to the house. Bobby agreed wholeheartedly and called up a few hunters he felt would be good trainers. Sam had never dealt with too many female hunters. Of course there had been Ellen and Jo but that had been different. These were people he had heard Bobby mention in passing but never actually seen.

The first woman to come to the house was an older hunter named Melinda who was much smaller than he was. Even in this new body he figured he would be able to handle her. He was not. She soundly threw him about the backyard, laughing the whole time, “Come on, sweetheart. If you can’t handle me, how are you going to handle a real threat?”

Sam spent the next couple of days black and blue, bandages haphazardly tossed about different spots on his body. Over time though he came to give back as good as he got and eventually Melinda gave him a pass. 

So, naturally, a new trainer was called. 

Pauo'le was much bigger than Sam, her body a solid wall of muscle. Sam’s already bruised ego (thanks to Melinda) was now completely shattered by Pauo’le. In fact, Sam was positive that even if he had been his normal self Pauo’le would have wiped the floor with him. Dean, too. Honestly, Sam was just glad that she was on their side. Even Castiel looked impressed by her moves and refused to spar her when she offered. 

Once she felt satisfied that she had taught Sam all that she could the next trainer came – this one was named Abbie and she looked exactly like every other girl Dean had ever brought back to their motel rooms. In fact when Sam met her he was so knocked over by how beautiful she was that he felt himself blushing madly and Castiel once again remarked on his cheeks changing color. Sam really needed to teach Castiel about tact. 

Thanks to Pauo’le and Melinda, Sam and Abbie were pretty evenly matched in combat. Until Abbie started pulling dirty tricks – like tossing a handful of filth in his eyes as they were scrapping.

“Men underestimate us,” Abbie remarked tartly as Sam wiped dirt out of his eyes, “They think we’re weak, innocent creatures who need to be protected at all times. They think we can’t handle a hunt. They think we should just make more male hunter babies. ‘Least that’s what my Daddy told me. Oh, my brothers Garrett and Damien could hunt but heaven forbid his princess pick up a gun.”

“But you showed him?” Sam asked, still blinking.

Abbie nodded, “He wanted me to be a model. He literally told me I should use my looks and my body to make the family money so that it could go towards hunting supplies. See, his mother got torn apart right before his eyes by a wendigo, so that’s what got him set on the path. And set on the idea that a woman can’t fight back against such monsters. But I watched my brothers fight and I was damned if I was going to sit on my hands. So I had to use whatever was at my disposal to get into the field. I’ve been called a bitch and worse just because I can be as vicious and clever as the big boys.”

Sam let that sink in, “I take it you’re telling me this because you want me to know I’ll face the same thing?”

“Oh, no doubt. You know Bobby, so I’m sure you knew both Ellen and Jo Harvelle. They were some of the best female hunters I ever knew and they faced it just like I did. Just like you will. Don’t get me wrong, some male hunters are more than able to put that gender shit aside. Bobby’s a prime example. But you have to be prepared. And not just for hunters. Monsters can be just the same. I actually use it to my advantage. You can’t imagine how many incubi I’ve suckered into taking me for a mark. Or how many harpies I’ve gotten to confide in me by pulling the ‘I’m a good listener’ card. Y’know, right before I take them out.”

“Seems like your father was a fool not to let you hunt,” Sam offered, “You sound like you’ve got a great system.”

Abbie shrugged, “I get by. Now let’s get back to it. And keep in mind, the dirtier you fight with me, the better.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for homophobic language used by bad guys

Before Sam knew it three months had gone by in a flash. He had finally reached a point where he was oddly comfortable in his female body, almost as if he had always been this way. Well, comfortable enough save for when his period arrived because yes, he was truly one hundred percent biologically female now even if he didn’t feel that way mentally.

But while he still didn’t think of himself as a woman it didn’t seem as if there was any real chance that he would ever be anything else. As far as he could tell this was who he was now. A leggy girl with copious amounts of hair. He should just give in and cut it but in collusion with reaching a sort of peace with his body he also had to come to grips with his new hair – for the most part. Besides, there were much more important things to focus on.

While their investigation into the Decimation was still cold their ability to complete hunts had vastly improved. Castiel continued to prove that he was actually in it for the long haul, helping out on missions and never disappearing for days at a time like he used to. In fact, he even hovered around the house with Sam and Bobby when there was no actual case going on. Watching television and reading books and generally acting more like a human being than Sam thought he was capable of doing.

He didn’t eat or sleep as far as Sam knew but he seemed to have fully dedicated himself to his post, watching over Sam like the guardian angel Sam once believed all people had. Every now and then Castiel’s normal cluelessness would come to the forefront – mainly when he was watching television. He was terribly confused by characters actions in movies and Bobby had gotten so annoyed by always having to explain things to him that he now refused to be in the same room with both Castiel and a television set.

Sam, on the other hand, found his naiveté pretty endearing and had no problems explaining everything. He actually found it was kind of fun to teach an angel about the world. There were so many things angels had never experienced or seen before – car chases, talking animals, space ships – things that Hollywood adored but the heavenly host just knew zip about.

Sam had moved from female trainers to male ones and found that he was starting to be a match for anyone no matter their height, weight or genitals. He could keep up with any human being in a fight and was even pretty on par with most supernatural beings to boot. He was, for the most part, back into the swing of things as far as cases went. He still did a lot of the research but Castiel proved to be just as studious and when they went into the field they both actually did a good job.

On one particular case they easily took down a lamia in Oklahoma and Sam, proud of their teamwork, took Castiel out for drinks afterwards. He knew the angel didn’t drink but he couldn’t help but feel like celebrating. After all, it was what he and Dean would have done after a successful mission. Especially a mission where casualties were exceedingly low.

Sam found a rather nice roadhouse and took Castiel inside. The angel seemed a little disconcerted at first but eventually seemed to relax as Sam ordered himself a round of drinks and something to eat. As Sam dug into his meal he eyed Castiel curiously, “You know, you and I have been spending a lot of time together and yet I still don’t really feel like I know all that much about you.”

Castiel stiffened, “What do you mean?”

Sam shrugged, “I don’t know. I mean, you spent a lot more time with Dean than you did with me when you first started showing up. I know you were his angel but-”

“I was never his angel,” Castiel corrected, “Yes, I pulled him from perdition and yes, we share a deep bond but I am not his. I belong to no mortal being.”

“But you’re my guardian.”

“I am assigned to you, yes. And to say I am your guardian would not be incorrect but I do not view you as owning me either.”

Sam almost choked on his food, “Oh! Oh, no, no, no-I-I wasn’t implying that I owned you or that Dean did. I just…I meant that you two seemed much more…friendly than you and I. So I…I don’t know much about you.”

Castiel mulled over this, “I suppose that would be a correct assessment of our relationship. Before this we did not spend much time together and I did spend a rather inordinate amount of time around your brother in comparison. What is it you wish to know about me?”

Sam went back to eating, “I don’t know. The usual things come to mind. Likes, dislikes – that sort of thing.”

“I do not understand.”

“Well, you’ve been spending a lot of time around Bobby and I. What do you like about being down here? I know you don’t eat but maybe you…I mean I’ve seen you watch films and read books and…there must be something here you like. Or-or maybe there’s something you can tell me about your time in Heaven or-”

“The girl with the baggy sweaters,” Castiel interrupted and Sam’s eyes narrowed as he tried to decipher what that could mean. He just decided to go ahead and bite the bullet by repeating, “The girl with the baggy sweaters?”

Castiel nodded, “The one you showed me in the film. She was a maniac and was doused in water.”

Sam puzzled over that for a few moments then asked hesitantly, “Do you…do you mean ‘Flashdance’?”

“Yes, dancing was a big part of the motion picture and the girl had very nice eyes and a bright smile. I enjoyed that.”

Sam couldn’t help but be wildly amused, “You liked ‘Flashdance’?”

“It was a testament to one of God’s better creations. The human body, while confining as a vessel, has its own merits which was displayed in the picture. When the girl-”

“Her name is Jennifer Beals,” Sam supplied and at Castiel’s slightly confused head tilt he elaborated, “The girl in the film, the actress, her name is Jennifer Beals.”

“Jennifer Beals moved her body in an exceedingly graceful manner...even when her movements were overtly sexual. And the musical score was enjoyable. I also liked the other one, the one where they put baby in the corner.”

“Dirty Dancing?”

The angel’s lips pursed, “Yes, I suppose their movements were quite vulgar in parts. But also oddly appealing. Both of these films were interesting to witness. Dancing is not something commonly done in Heaven.”

“Well, if you and I manage to get through the Decimation we should bust out some moves. Maybe can-can or something.”

“Can-can?”

Sam laughed, “I’m just joking, Cas. But it’s nice to know you’re taking something away from all of this. Even if it’s 80’s dance movies,” Sam took another big swig of his drink and nudged Cas’ foot under the table, “Come on, tell me something else. I want to know it all.”

“Your brother introduced me to some songs…the one by Led Zeppelin, Stairway to Heaven and a few by AC/DC were good.”

“Dean would be glad to know you two share the same taste in music. Anything else?”

Castiel kept talking and Sam listened to him with a vested interest. He also polished off a few more beers and when he went to the bar to order another drink he got a strange look from two of the patrons sitting there. They were both large men who were eyeing him with barely veiled lust. At first Sam was taken aback by it but then he reminded himself that he was running around in a rather decent looking woman’s body.

When the bartender came by and asked what he needed he ordered a whiskey. While the bartender poured the drink one of the men spoke up, “That’s a pretty big drink for a little girl like you, honey.”

Sam bit the inside of his cheek at that, “I can handle it, thanks.”

“Oh ho, I’m sure you can,” the same man chortled and he elbowed his buddy. They both laughed like big drunken idiots and Sam did his best to ignore them. He took ahold of his drink and thanked the bartender, ready to return to Cas when the same man cleared his throat, “You want to stay up here and drink that with us, sweetheart?”

Sam let out a heavy breath and turned to them, “Look, I’m not your ‘honey’ or your ‘sweetheart’, all right? I don’t know you and I’d like to get back to my table, so-”

“Well, I’m Rick and this is DJ. Now you know us.”

“No, I don’t,” Sam insisted, “So if you’ll excuse me…”

“Aw, come on, angel! Don’t hurt our feelings like that! Pretty girl like you, you should be smilin’! You come and have a seat next to me. I’ll buy you yer drink and we’ll have a nice talk.”

“Thanks but no thanks.”

“Why you in such a hurry?” the other one, DJ, asked, “That suit back there yer boyfriend?”

“Naw, D, he can’t be! That boy looks wound too tight for a girl like this! I betcha he’s her brother. Am I right?”

“You’re wrong about a lot of things,” Sam muttered, “And I’m not interested in-”

Rick shot out a hand and patted Sam’s shoulder, “Don’t be like that, baby! Take a seat!”

Sam took his whiskey down in one shot, slammed the glass down on the bar top and then grabbed Rick’s hand from his shoulder, making sure to put as much pressure as possible on the man’s fingers and turning them in a direction they did not want to go in. Rick cried out in pain and DJ jumped to his feet, “Hey! Let him go, you crazy bitch!”

Sam did and looked at both of them with pitying eyes, “I think it’d be best if you two went home for the night.”

Rick cradled his hand and glared at him, “You ain’t going to tell me what to do, fuckin’ dyke!”

Rick and DJ both towered over Sam who stood his ground, “You guys really don’t want to do this.”

“You shut the hell up, you goddamn cun-” the ‘t’ at the end of that word was cut off sharply by Castiel’s fist in DJ’s face. Simultaneously, Sam delivered a swift jab to Rick’s middle and then took a firm grip on his skull, smacking it hard into the bar top much like he had his glass of whiskey.

Naturally this all escalated into a rather spectacular bar fight as it turned out that more people in the Roadhouse were either a, invested in the fight because of the people and issues involved or b, just blowing off steam. It ended in the only way it could, with police arriving and Sam and Castiel sneaking off via angel teleport. When they were away from the chaos, Sam turned to Cas with a crooked smile, “Thanks for the help back there.”

“I’m only sorry I did not intervene earlier. I was unaware you were having a problem until I heard raised voices.”

Sam shrugged, “Well, I tried to handle it on my own but it got a little out of control. Those guys were some pretty fantastic assholes. You should have heard the things they were saying.”

“No doubt my hearing them sooner would have only exacerbated the situation. And frankly, I should endeavor not to take human lives.”

“You and me both, Cas.”

“Sam…” Castiel said his name slowly as if unsure whether or not he should continue. Sam waited patiently until the angel did so, “I want to…thank you. Tonight was…you asked about my likes and dislikes and I liked tonight. I liked spending time with you. Talking with you. I-I think I like that the most.”

Sam ignored the strange rush of elation he felt at that, blaming it on all the drinks he had had and the leftover adrenaline from the fight, “Thanks, Cas. I like spending time and talking with you too. And, hey, we make a good team.”

And they did.

For now.

 

+

 

Unfortunately, they were bound to hit a bump in the road eventually and it came in the strangest of forms. A series of drownings were revealed to be the act of a deranged selkie and when she set her sights on Sam and almost succeeded in killing him Cas had had enough. He managed to get to Sam just in the nick of time but it was enough of a thing that he informed Sam rather coolly that they were going to have to talk about their ‘lack of proper communication skills’ later. Sam made sure to stick his tongue out at the angel when his back was turned.

This talk came when they were back at Bobby’s. Sam was in the backyard, a cool beer in hand. The weather was warm and the sun was setting and the scenery was generally just too disgustingly gorgeous to be real. Bobby himself was on a mission with Rufus and Castiel, well, Sam didn’t know exactly where Castiel was until he felt the angel appear behind him. Sam didn’t even turn his head. He just kept sitting on the back porch, idly drinking his beer, “You’ve been down on Earth too long. I can actually sense when you show up now. Don’t even need to look. I just know.”

“We need to talk.”

“You said as much when you dragged me out of that pond back in Missouri.”

“That selkie almost killed you.”

“But she didn’t.”

“But she could have,” Castiel returned icily, “And while you have shown no previous suicidal tendencies up to this point it still appears that you have no care for your personal safety. I had hoped after the banshee incident and all the training you had come to some sort of acceptance about your situation but it appears you are still in limbo. Your brother-”

“Is staying right where he is,” Sam said firmly, “We agreed on that.”

“There was no agreement. Merely your decree.”

“Well, my decree stands then. No Dean,” Sam turned and looked at Cas, “I’ve been doing my best, Cas. I’ve been doing my best and frankly I think I’ve been doing pretty damn good all things considered. If anything I would think God’s dropped the ball. The intel he had on the Decimation seems to be pretty damn fruitless to me. I don’t think it’s gonna happen and really, that’s a damned shame.”

Castiel walked past Sam and, much to Sam’s shock, shed his trench coat. He loosened his tie and rolled up his sleeves, shooting Sam a dark look, “Come here.”

Sam looked from side to side, confused, then put his beer down and got to his feet, “Why?”

“You’ve sparred with many individuals in the past few months. I think it’s time you and I squared off.”

“Whoa, wait,” Sam laughed, “You want to fight me?”

“Words do not seem to have the required effect. I’m hoping action might.”

Sam laughed again but the sound held no humor as he faced off from Cas, “Okay, you want to do this? Why not! But you better not cheat.”

“Cheat?”

“Blink in and out of a headlock or something.”

Castiel didn’t answer with words and instead came at Sam quick with a punch. Sam side stepped it easily and went in for his own. His fist made contact with Cas’ face but it didn’t faze the angel in the slightest. Instead he seemed to turn right into it, bringing Sam closer to his own grip and before Sam knew it he was the one in the headlock.

“Now that you are restrained,” Castiel hissed, “And in the very position you suggested, I hope you might actually listen to me. We will leave your brother alone, we can even do more cases if you wish, but never doubt that the Decimation is coming and that you must be ready for it. You must survive and you must be the one to assure victory. Tell me, Sam Winchester, do you wish God had never brought you back?”

Sam, who had been fighting back as viciously as possible until this point, went rigid, “What?”

“Do you wish you had remained gone? Lost in the nothingness?”

Sam swallowed and felt himself going limp as he said softly, “Yes.”

“Why?”

Sam breathed in deeply and shut his eyes, “I don’t know.”

“I think you do.”

“I,” Sam took another breath, “I don’t…I-I guess I’m just…over it. I’m over all of it. I’m tired and I’m done. I’m done.”

“But you are not done. You’re here.”

“Yes.”

“Sam,” Cas voice was gentle, his breath warm as it brushed Sam’s hair, “You should not think so lowly of yourself. Of this life. Of what you have done. You have made mistakes, yes, but we have all done this. You are good, Sam Winchester.”

“That’s…that’s not what you said when you first met me. Or did you forget? I’m the Abomination. The Boy King, the-”

“You were,” Cas stressed, “But no more. That time is over. The past forgotten. You are new now and you must let what was before go. You must not hold my past ignorance against me. I know better now. I have faith in you, Sam. I believe you can succeed. I believe you can save the world. After all, you’ve done it before.”

Sam absolutely hated the fact that he was trembling, “I don’t…I’m not…you shouldn’t put your faith in me. You’ll be disappointed.”

Cas’ lips brushed the tip of Sam’s ear, “Will I?”

With all his strength Sam stamped the heel of one of his feet down on Cas’ and used to moment to grab the arm Cas had around him and swing him forward. The angel fell to the ground in a heap beneath Sam who pinned him, elbow on his throat, “Yes.”

“Funny. You just bested me, did you not?”

Sam looked at the reversed positions and huffed, “You knew I was going to do that. You let me.”

Cas’ hand rose up and brushed Sam’s cheek. It was a quick, thoughtless gesture but Castiel might as well have smacked him for the shock that ricocheted through Sam’s system at the contact. He scrambled away from him, staring with narrowed eyes, “What was that for?”

Castiel slowly sat up, “Do I need a reason?”

Sam opened his mouth to say ‘yes’ but then shook his head. Most everything Cas did made little sense. He doubted it would now. Instead he merely sat across from him, legs crossed, “Cas, I’ll admit – I’m not happy to be back. And yeah, I have my doubts when it comes to the Decimation but that’s only because we haven’t heard anything. At all. Period.”

The angel looked contemplative, “You have a point. There has been no word or action to suggest anything and our leads as far as the location of Light have proven futile. Perhaps we should consider alternative and less desirable means.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning Crowley.”

Sam looked utterly disgusted, “Crowley?”

“After the Apocalypse there was a uprising in Hell. Crowley is now King.”

Sam groaned and fell back on his back to look up at the sky, “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“I do not understand,” Castiel said, “It was my understanding that ‘kidding’ was something one would view as comical. How could Crowley being King of Hell be-”

“It’s not funny,” Sam said but contradicted this with a bit of an exasperated laugh, “I meant kidding as in please tell me that’s not true.”

“I am afraid it is.” Castiel returned and, much to Sam’s surprise, now lay next to him on the ground. They both looked up to see that stars were winking into view. Sam looked at them and felt his lips screw up to one side, “It’s actually a nice night out.”

“Yes,” the angel agreed.

“The stars seem so much bigger tonight,” Sam raised one hand up and opened and closed it repeatedly before letting it drop, “It’s almost like I could hold one of them in my hand. That’d be a hell of a thing.”

“Stars are actually one of my more favorite of God’s creations. They are rather impressive.”

“God made stars?”

“Some of them.”

“Only some? Who made the rest?”

Castiel didn’t answer and frankly Sam was fine with that. Instead he looked at the sky and felt peaceful for the first time since…maybe ever. Castiel turned to look at him, “I do not wish to consult Crowley any more than you do. But since all other sources of information have dried up he would be our best bet.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Castiel shifted where he lay, “Also, you should know I was…disconcerted when I could not locate you and you were fighting the selkie. It is as much as I felt when you were facing off against the banshee. Why did you not call out to me? I would have been able to find you that way.”

Sam looked at the stars and thought about not replying but for some reason not looking directly at Cas seemed to make his confession easier, “I guess because prayer has done so little for me. I’ve-I’ve kind of given up on it.”

“If you cannot pray to God, you can always pray to me,” Castiel whispered, “I will listen.”

Sam smirked, “Well, wouldn’t you make a fantastic god.”

“I would not be so presumptions,” Castiel said, “If I took on the mantel, I imagine we would all be sorely disappointed.”

Silence settled between them for a while, both of them consumed with star gazing until Castiel sat up on his elbows. He reached into his trench coat pocket and dug something out. He dangled it above Sam’s eyes, “If it would not trouble you, I would ask that you wear this. Seeing as you have lost faith in prayer.”

It took Sam’s eyes a moment to focus but when they did he realized Castiel was holding a necklace above him. He raised one hand and took it from Cas, bringing it closer for inspection. Suspended on a thin silver chain was a tiny pear shaped crystal droplet. Inside the crystal he could just make out several deep purple almost black needles running throughout its structure.

Castiel lowered himself back down and Sam stared at the necklace with bewilderment, “Cas, I’m not really the jewelry type.”

“You gave Dean a necklace, did you not?”

“Yeah but that was to protect him.”

“This serves the same purpose.”

Sam turned the crystal about between his fingers, “Seems a little…effeminate.”

“You currently inhabit a female body.”

“Cas…”

“If you like, I can procure a leather cuff for you to wear it upon to make you feel more comfortable. I would just,” Cas trailed off as if not sure how to continue. He finally found the words, saying quietly, “I would like you to wear it. If you do so, I can always find you. Prayer or no.”

Sam squeezed the crystal in his hands and felt his lips tug into an involuntary smile, “Okay, okay…if it means that much to you, I’ll wear it.”

“Thank you,” Castiel returned in a relieved tone. So much so that Sam couldn’t help but legitimately smile. This smile faded slightly when Cas said, “While I know you have your doubts, I know the Decimation is coming and that we have to stop it. You have to stop it.”

“You’ve said that before, Cas. It’s getting a little old.”

“I am aware but it bears repeating only because you seem to require it. If anything, perhaps you should look at this as a mission of redemption. You feel unworthy. Perhaps doing this will make you feel so.”

Sam grinned, “You know, for someone with pretty poor social skills, you can be surprisingly slick.”

“I am not wet.”

Cas said this so matter of factly that Sam couldn’t help but burst into a fit of chuckles that lasted a good long while.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of attempted rape

“Well, well, well – isn’t this a pleasant surprise,” Crowley said smoothly as he appeared out of thin air.

Bobby put down the bowl he had used to summon him and Crowley walked forward. He looked from side to side then up at the ceiling to see a devil’s trap. He grinned at the sight of it, “Going to try that again? I miss the black light paint.”

Bobby stared at him with narrowed eyes while Castiel looked on passively. Sam stood towards the back of the group, idly fiddling with the necklace Cas gave him in order to keep his hands occupied. Doing so helped him resist the urge to charge up and punch Crowley in the mouth. He knew better, he knew the last thing he should do was confront the demon like this. Mainly because he would never hear the end of it.

Crowley looked Bobby up and down in assessment, “You haven’t brought me here to beg for your soul again, have you? Because I feel I made myself quite clear last time that there would be no backsies.”

“Shut yer mouth. We’ve got some questions.”

“And I should answer them why?”

“Because it could affect your reign,” Castiel muttered, clearly annoyed to even admit such a thing aloud but knowing it was the best tack to take.

Crowley frowned, “Considering Mel Brooks apparently lied to me about how it’s good to be the king, that might not be such a bad thing.”

“Who is Mel Brooks?” Castiel asked with genuine confusion and Crowley shook his head, “Honestly, you angels – no fun whatsoever. He’s a film director. Made a couple of good pictures and without any of our kind backing him which, in Hollywood, is saying something. Now how about you ask me one of your questions? If it’s interesting enough I might be tempted to answer.”

Castiel took the lead, “The Decimation, what do you know of it?”

Crowley’s eyebrows rose, “That old wives tale? Funny you should ask. I used to know very little but there have been some rumblings of late. I ignored them at first. After all, every now and then there’s some pissant who likes to talk big about destroying everything but he’s usually some low level lackey who wants to feel special. But word around the pit is that a worthwhile player might actually be on board.”

“Who?” Bobby asked but Crowley had now taken to trying to see behind him and Castiel. He raised himself on to the tips of his feet to try and look over their heads. Sam lowered his own head, vainly hoping that Crowley would ignore him. It was like when you didn’t want to get picked for something in school, you just tried to shrink in on yourself to avoid being noticed.

But it was too late, Crowley had noticed him and a smile was playing about his face, “I could give you a name. My involvement up to this point has been merely minimal and if you lot are interested then it adds some real gravitas to what I’ve been hearing. It must be more steeped in fact than I thought. However, I would much rather tell the lovely lady behind you gents.”

Castiel stepped forward, voice steel, “No.”

“Aw, come on! Play fair. We’ve always approached these matters with a sense of quid pro quo. Let me see the girl. She must be something special if you two feel the need to play her knights-errant.”

Castiel had been gripping his angel blade tightly since the conversation began and he stepped forward, raising the blade, his face a grim mask of determination when Sam spoke up; “Forget it. I got this.”

He eased past Bobby who shot him a look of censure. Sam put a gentle hand on Cas’ arm to lower it and then moved past him to get closer to Crowley. Crowley looked like a cat that had finally caught a mouse, “There she is. Miss America, I take it?”

“Give us a name,” Sam said simply and Crowley clucked his tongue in disapproval, “Someone should teach you manners, sweetheart. I didn’t hear a ‘please’.”

Sam chewed on his lips and reached into his jacket pocket. Inside was a small flask of holy water. With a casual flick of his wrist some of it sprinkled out and hit Crowley, who hissed on contact. Sam put the flask away, his chin jutting out, “A name.”

Crowley brushed at his suit and glared, “You should show me more respect. I’m a King.”

“You’re an asshole,” Sam returned swiftly, “But you’re not an idiot. If someone pulls off the Decimation you’ll lose more than your throne. I’ve always taken you for self-preservation above all, so it would be in your best interest to tell us what you know.”

“You speak as if you know me,” the demon said with interest, “But I don’t recall ever seeing you before. And yet there is something familiar…”

He walked forward with measured steps, “It’s the eyes, I think…those eyes. I’ve seen them before.”

He stopped walking and crossed his arms. He looked deep into Sam’s eyes and Sam wanted to look away but sheer pride would not let him. He met Crowley’s gaze head on. Crowley began blinking rapidly. He looked at Bobby, then at Castiel and began shaking his head, “No. Can’t be.”

He squinted at Sam, head titled to one side, “You’re joking.”

Sam breathed in loudly and Castiel reared back. He pointed between Bobby and Castiel, “You two are renownedly known for only helping the same two primitives over and over again and this one – this one has the Moose’s eyes…”

No one answered him but that seemed to be answer enough. Crowley started laughing. And laughing. And laughing. It didn’t seem as if he would stop anytime soon and Sam charged over to Castiel, snagging his angel blade from him, murder in his eyes. 

Crowley merely waved him off and struggled to catch his breath, “Hang on, hang on – I’ll give you a name, I just-”

And then there was more laughing.

Eventually Crowley seemed to get ahold of himself, rubbing tears away from his eyes, “You know, I didn’t have to come when you summoned me but I did. I did out of sheer curiosity and now I am so, so glad I did.”

“The name, Crowley!” Sam hissed, having reached the end of his patience.

“It’s not that there is anything wrong with your transformation,” Crowley assured him, “Far from it. I love women. Much more so than men. They are much more clever and conniving and diabolical. Truly amazing creatures. And you’re escaping from the Cage, from Lucifer, I’m sure is a story worth being told but it’s just…look at you! You’ve blossomed from a moose into a gorgeous gazelle!”

Crowley started laughing uncontrollably again. Bobby, Castiel, and Sam – all having had enough of it – asked for the name again in unison. Eventually the demon managed to calm down enough to speak, “I’m almost tempted to thank you three. Don’t think I’ve laughed that much since that Valentine’s Day Massacre in 1929. For the record, Sam, you look much better this way. Giving up the Cro-Magnon look for this is a vast improvement.”

“Crowley-” Sam started but the demon wasn’t finished, “No, honestly, it’s nice to no longer have to look at that freakish Frankenstein face you had.”

“Crowley!” 

“Oh fine,” Crowley muttered, “Guess it’s good to see you’re still no fun. Icarus.”

“Icarus?” Castiel repeated and Crowley nodded. 

Bobby frowned, “You mean the kid from the Greek myth who flew too close to the sun?”

“The very one,” Crowley chuckled, “But as you know, myths tend to be exaggerated. Icarus did indeed fly too close to the sun but not in the way you might think. I imagine Castiel can enlighten you from here on.”

Castiel looked distinctly unsettled, “Yes. Unfortunately, Crowley is correct. The myth tells of a young man whose father made him a pair of wings from wax and feathers. He was warned not to fly too close to the sun or the sea but he ignored him and his hubris led to his downfall. But that was not precisely what happened. The myth speaks of both Icarus and his father as mortals but they were not. They were angels.”

“Both of them?” Sam asked and Castiel nodded, “His father was, in fact, his brother and he did not create his wings. His wings came from God as much as my own.”

While both Bobby and Sam looked interested Crowley cleared his throat, “Well, seeing as I’ve done my part and, rather unexpectedly, been vastly entertained I imagine from here on it will get quite dull. As such…”

Crowley disappeared and Sam muttered, “Good riddance” under his breath before turning his attention back to Castiel, “You were saying?”

“Icarus and Daedalus were Seraphim. Daedalus was older and always kept an eye on Icarus very much like a Father and so much so that he often referred to Icarus as his son. My understanding was that God had no issues with this arrangement, so in many ways Daedalus was Icarus’ father but,” he shook his head, “more to the point – Icarus actually did meet Light. It was my…understanding…that he was quite taken with her.”

“Taken with her as in-?”

“He claimed to love her,” Castiel confirmed, “But it was…not in any healthy fashion. The myth is not incorrect on being about ambition and hubris. Icarus had these in abundance and when he approached Light and she rejected him he was…quite forceful.”

Sam was stunned, “Did he try to-?”

“There were many things he tried,” Castiel seethed, “But she burned him to his very core and God, even more vengeful, worked in unison with both her and Death to give him the most fitting of punishments.”

“Which is?”

“He cannot die,” Castiel said, “He wished to take Light, to take Life, so the three worked together to give him his absolute fill. Forever. He cannot go to Heaven or to Hell. He was cast from the skies and plunged deep into the sea and last I heard he has been wandering the earth ever since.”

Bobby let that sink in, “That makes him -what? Immortal? ”

Castiel shrugged, “He cannot be injured in any fashion. No blade will cut him. No bullet or arrow can pierce him. He is not affected by temperatures – cold or hot. He does not need to breathe, to eat, to sleep, to drink – his existence is endless but past that he has no other abilities.”

“So he’s like Superman but with no nifty super powers past the invulnerability.” Bobby concluded, “Can see now why the Decimation would be something he’d be up for. Probably the only thing that can destroy him.”

Castiel nodded, “My thoughts as well.”

Sam squared his shoulders, “Well, now that we got a name maybe we can track this son of a bitch down.”

“Yeah but how do you defeat someone who can’t be killed?” Bobby asked, “We just gonna lock him up in a safe or something?”

“You do have the panic room downstairs.”

Bobby scoffed, “Yeah but I ain’t about to let some psycho live down there for eternity!”

“We’ll think of something,” Sam offered, “After all, we still have to find Light. The Decimation can only be kicked off if he gets ahold of her.”

“Agreed,” Castiel nodded, “She needs to be located. As does Icarus. I will see what I can do.”

The sound of wings fluttering echoed throughout the house as the angel left. Bobby just shook his head and mumbled about how he needed a beer. Sam, for his part, rubbed at his face self-consciously, Crowley’s words about his ‘freakish Frankenstein face’ somehow sticking with him.


	7. Chapter 7

While Light still proved elusive, Icarus was not. Castiel was able to uncover that he had formed a rather vicious little cult known as Oblivion. Members of Oblivion were dedicated to the idea of the Decimation, thinking the world had long overstayed its welcome. They had no interest in an afterlife and only wanted to achieve the very word their cult was named after.

Thanks to this revelation, Sam decided the best course of action was to focus on finding Icarus first by working through his cult. Through long hours of painstaking research he managed to uncover that most of its members were of the high class ilk – senators, celebrities, high ranking members of various military organizations. But everyone had to start somewhere and there were a few reported members much lower and easier to access for Castiel and himself.

One of these was a politician by the name of Oliver Coburn. Coburn was steadily moving up the electoral chain in a way that could only be supernaturally induced. But like most of his kind, Oliver had a weakness for the finer things in life – in other words – liquor, ladies, and drugs.

He was known to ‘dress down’ and secret himself into a brothel called Jezebel’s. Sam and Castiel spied him entering the building from the Charger and Sam looked at his watch, “I wonder how long this is going to take.”

“Should we follow him inside?”

“No,” Sam answered, “I think it’s better if we wait out here for him. After all, I don’t think that’s your kind of place, Cas.”

“I have frequented one of these establishments before,” Castiel confessed and Sam looked at him with wide eyes, “Really?”

He nodded, “Yes.”

Sam stumbled over his next few word, “Who-? Wh-? Why?”

“Dean took me.”

Chuckling the hunter and rubbed at his eyes, “Oh, right. Yeah. Of course he did.”

“Though I did not care for the experience,” Castiel winced, “It was unpleasant.”

“Cas, did you…um…never mind,” Sam mumbled the last bit and felt his face heat up. The last thing he wanted to know was whether or not Castiel had partaken of any of the acts inside but the angel, clearly not embarrassed, continued, “If you are wondering whether or not I engaged in sexual congress with anyone, the answer is ‘no’. Dean was disappointed to learn that I retained my virtue but was amused by my inability to do so.”

Sam frowned, “That sounds a little mean spirited of him.”

“Well, I failed due to my telling the young woman who was offering me intercourse that she should not blame her father for leaving her and-”

Sam waved both hands, “No, no, no – no more explanation necessary. I take it back. I can see now why Dean thought it was funny.”

Castiel eyed him, “Yet you do not laugh.”

He shrugged, “I’m not going to say it’s not funny but it’s probably more one of those ‘you had to be there’ type of things. Still, I assume Dean did this for a reason?”

“I had confessed to him my lack of experience and we were going into a possible deadly encounter. I believe he was trying to do something nice for me.”

A soft smile took Sam’s face as the never ending ache that rested in his heart for his brother sprang to life, “Yeah. Yeah, he was.”

A few patrons entered and exited Jezebel’s and Sam eyed them, “Hmm, might have chosen a bad spot for surveillance. It’s a little hard to see from here.”

“I can see them clearly,” Castile assured him, “But if you think it would be wiser for us to move closer we can do so.”

Sam nodded and exited the car, Cas following suit. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Cas to pick out Oliver; it was just that he wanted to make sure they didn’t lose him. The closer they were to Oliver the better they could pin him down and get answers. Still, Sam didn’t feel comfortable entering Jezebel’s. He spotted a nearby alleyway and ducked into it.

Castiel followed him but looked concerned, “Are you sure we will be able to see from here?”

“We will if we both keep an eye out,” Sam said and he kept close to the brick at the edge of the building. He eyed the door with a steel eyed determination and waited. And waited. And waited. God, how long did it take a lowly politician to get his rocks off?

Sam’s agitation grew with each and every person who left that wasn’t their quarry. But agitation soon gave way to awkwardness as men passing by started to eye him with curiosity. It was obvious they were wondering what he was up to and with Castiel close at hand and nothing happening between them that curiosity only grew.

A few of them tried to engage him in conversation and a few, even bolder than the others, made out right offers. Sam was extremely put out by their lewd suggestions and even Castiel, who was oblivious to most sexual related innuendos, was beginning to grow defensive on his behalf. After they chased off the last suggestive fellow, Sam put his back to the wall and turned to Cas, “This isn’t working. One of these guys will end up distracting us when Coburn comes out. You have better vision than me, so I think you should be the lookout and I can make you look less inconspicuous.”

“Very well,” Castiel agreed.

“Okay, well, um,” Sam flattened himself more closely against the building, “Come…come closer.”

Castiel walked over but wasn’t close enough. Sam took a deep breath and reached out. He popped up the collar of Cas’ trench coat and then grabbed the sides of it, tugging gently, “Closer than that.”

Castiel’s eyebrows rose, “You want me to enter your personal space?”

“Yes.”

“But both you and Dean have expressed displeasure at-”

“Dammit, Cas,” Sam snapped and he tugged hard enough to bodily draw Castiel close to him. They bumped up against on another ungracefully and Sam looked up to see bewildered blue eyes peering down at him. Sam felt his nostrils flare as he muttered, “Have I told you how much I hate our height difference?”

“You mentioned it in passing.”

“Yeah, well, I stand by it.”

Castiel seemed unmoved by Sam’s annoyance and instead continued to direct his ridiculously blue gaze at him. Sam wanted to avoid looking at him because, Jesus, how did he even have eyes that color blue? It was the kind of blue that couldn’t even be defined by one shade. It was sky and steel and sapphire and cerulean and just…it was impossible to nail down. His eyes were just stupidly gorgeous.

A man shouldn’t have eyes like that.

But then Castiel wasn’t a man.

He was an angel.

And angels certainly should have eyes like that.

Eyes that made you feel safe and in danger all at once.

But what kind of danger exactly Sam wasn’t sure and not being sure made him swallow thickly. Especially when he felt Cas’ breath on his face and a group of laughing, drunken men stumbled by and started - yet again – to make comments about the cute leggy girl around the corner with the nice, firm tits.

He knew they meant him and their words only made him pull Cas closer. So far he hadn’t really had to deal with anyone making too many comments on his lady form. More often than not he could almost forget about being in a lady suit, about not being himself. But when comments came at him so harsh and so blunt he found he needed comfort. And he strangely found it by burrowing himself into Castiel.

The angel was warm and he smelled good, clean – like linen and spiced honey. Sam kept his eyes downcast but then Castiel reached out and brushed his cheek again, just like he had done when they had sparred many nights ago. Sam looked up at him and tried to ignore how he felt breathless at the action, “Why did you do that?”

Castiel didn’t answer. He just kept looking into Sam’s eyes, those blue pools he called eyes unfathomable, one of his thumbs gently caressing Sam’s face. Sam spoke again, “You-you did it before, when-when we were sparring. Why?”

When Castiel spoke his voice was husky, “I apologize but…it’s your soul…”

“My soul?”

Castiel nodded, his head tilting slightly, his eyes wandering all over Sam’s face as he continued to stroke it, “I had seen it before but I had never really examined it up close. And ever since you came back…I just…I never noticed how bright it is. How golden…”

Sam felt a hysterical laugh bubble inside his throat, felt it get trapped there as he choked out, “Golden?”

“I know you do not feel pure, Sam. I know you feel as if you are something wicked. I am as much to blame as any other member of the heavenly host for making you feel that way. You were destined to be Lucifer’s vessel so it was believe that there could be nothing good about you. Your addiction to demon blood did not help this matter. But now with you back, resurrected and made clean and always within my company…I can see your soul so clearly now. It shines so brightly I do not know how I could have not seen it before…it’s…it’s beautiful…”

An irrational sheen of tears took to Sam’s eyes at that and he would have swiped them away if Castiel wasn’t so close. Instead he took to blinking rapidly, “I think-I think you’re wrong, Cas. Maybe what you see is tied to my being a woman now instead of-”

“No,” Castiel murmured, “It has nothing to do with you being a man or a woman. It has nothing to do with your body. Your soul has always been your soul. It has always been this glorious. It is glorious. I just was too focused on everything else beforehand to truly appreciate it. I see it now; I see it and I cannot look away from it. I feel compelled to be as close to it as possible. It’s like when we looked at the stars that night – when you wanted to hold one in your hand. That’s how I feel about you, your soul…so I cannot help but touch you…”

“Cas…” Sam whispered and felt Castiel’s nose run along his. It was a gentle nuzzling, an Eskimo kiss, innocent and sweet and Castiel’s mouth was so close and temptingly near his own. Sam felt his head tilting back, felt his eyes slipping closed and Castiel’s lips swept over his in a brief heartbeat of time.

A heartbeat that ended almost as instantaneously as it began, Castiel drawing back quickly, his voice a vicious hiss, “I see him!”

Castiel went marching after Coburn and Sam, blinking rapidly, tried to get a hold of himself before following suit.

 

+

 

Coburn was your classic politician. A little overweight, glasses, thinning hair and aged white skin that was wrinkled like wet paper. He walked with easy, measured steps, blissfully unaware that an angel and a hunter were following after him. He entered a dark, nearly abandoned parking garage and reached lazily into his hoodie to draw out his keys, his eyes intent on his car.

“Oscar Coburn?” Castiel spoke up and Coburn turned to look at him, opening his mouth to respond only to stop short as a hideous sound rang out. Sam, who was inches behind Castiel, froze, his blood turning to ice. The sound was like a lion’s roar but with a heavier reverberation. It reminded him a great deal of the sound a Hellhound would make.

A tall, muscular man suddenly appeared from the opposite side of the garage. He wore a long black trench coat and beneath a simple white shirt and jeans. He had brown hair that was shorn close to his head and when he smiled it reminded Sam of a shark, “Excuse me, gentlemen. Good to see you and good to see I arrived just in time.”

Coburn looked at the man with outright fear, gulping, “My-my lord, it-it-it’s an h-honor…”

The man shushed him, “Now, now – no need for the groveling. And as for the ‘my lord’, you are more than welcome to call me by my first name.”

Coburn gave a wobbly nod, “O-okay then, Icarus.”

Icarus beamed, “You know, it’s not often I get to meet the little guy. And you are the little guy, Coburn, the newest initiate to Oblivion. You were recruited…what? A year ago?”

“Two.”

“Ah,” Icarus said brightly, “Well, the two very stalwart men before you are Castiel, angel of the lord and the infamous Samuel Winchester. I say infamous because you, having been an initiate for over two years, would know of him as the former vessel of Lucifer. And you would have most certainly heard of his brother, Dean. The Winchesters....they’re kind of a big deal.”

Coburn looked at Cas and then Sam and, looking at Sam, frowned, mouth flapping silently. Icarus waved a hand, “Trust me, that’s Samuel Winchester. He just currently inhabits the body of a very lovely young lady. According to my source it is a looooong story. But that’s not why we’re here is it?”

Icarus walked closer, his hands deep in the pockets of his coat, looking as if he didn’t have a care in the world, “No, we’re here for you, Coburn. Castiel and Sam, wisely, have chosen to go after you for information about me and our organization, a very logical move. However, they would be disappointed to learn you do not know very much at all, do you? This is, after all, your first time meeting me.”

Coburn nodded dumbly as Icarus continued, “But you’ve seen my picture before, you’ve read my written works, you’ve dealt with other members of Oblivion and you are well aware of what we desire. Which is?”

“Oh, um, the-the end?” this was said hesitantly as if Coburn was afraid of Icarus’ reaction but Icarus still seemed to be all sunshine and smiles, patting the top of Coburn’s balding head, “That is right! One hundred points to Gryffindor! The answer is; the end. And guess what, Mr. Coburn? It is your lucky day because your end comes now!”

Icarus withdrew a gun from his pocket and shot Coburn point blank in the face. Sam reared back in shock and Castiel immediately darted in front of him, shielding him as Icarus laughed gaily, “Oh come, come, Castiel! No need to pull the bodyguard routine! That’s a Winchester behind you! He can take care of himself!”

“Icarus…” Castiel began but the roar rang out again and two hulking creatures emerged from one of the darker corners of the garage. They looked like lions but their eyes were beet red and their shaggy fur was pitch black. Their tails were also thick and leathery, curling up to end in a vicious spike. Behind their shoulder blades were webbed looking wings with thick bones and rippling veins. They snarled, large fangs glittering and Icarus waved a hand at them, “These are my manticores, Bruno and Cecily. A present from my good friend, Crowley. He told me where I could find you two and he sends his regards.”

Both Cas and Sam were visibly fuming at that so Icarus tutted, “Now, now – don’t blame him! He just likes to even the odds. We could have gone through months and months of cat and mouse but thanks to his intervention we can meet straight away and have all this out.”

“Have what out?” Sam snapped, “Your ridiculous Decimation plan?”

“What else? I know that’s why you’ve been set on my path, to stop me. And I find that very admirable, I do, but I don’t see much of a point in it. Honestly, I would think you two and dear little Dean would be on board. World has to end sometime, after all. And my way is much less agonizing than anyone else’s ideas. No existence means no feeling, no nothing. We would all just be done and gone, like shutting a good book closed.”

“And all the people who die?” Castiel retorted, “Everything in creation being unmade?”

“Like I said, it’s going to happen right? Why not today? Or tomorrow? Someone has to make the decision, has to be the leader. Someone has to stand up and say ‘no more’,” he shrugged, “Why not me?”

“Because it’s not your decision to make,” Sam snapped, “No one asked you to be the leader and no one wants it.”

Icarus chuckled, “Well, that can’t be true. Have you asked everybody?”

“You’re insane.”

“Maybe, but we all have a little insanity in us and it’s something none of us will have to worry about once I’m done. And I will get done, boys. No one’s going to be able to stop me because, as I’m sure you’re aware, I cannot be stopped. I can’t die – it’s absolutely impossible. And there is no way either of you can keep me locked up indefinitely. This is going to happen whether you like it or not but I know you both will keep trying and really, I just wanted to meet Sam. Talk to him but you know; that’s kind of a problem with his knight in shining armor hanging around so…”

Icarus snapped his fingers and the manticores simultaneously converged on Cas. They lashed out with their large paws, claws like large thick razors, swiping at him. Sam shouted out Castiel’s name as the angel did his best to avoid their strikes. One of the beasts leapt at him and Castiel barely avoided being pounced on. Icarus clapped his hands in delight, “Go on! Run off, little bird!”

Castiel backed away from the manticores, who continued to steer him out of the gargage. Sam followed suit but was suddenly stopped by Icarus’ hand on his shoulder, “Whoa, whoa – steady there! I didn’t just send my pets after your winged warrior for you to dash off! Don’t worry, they won’t hurt him. Much. They’re like overgrown kittens. The most they’ll do is gnaw on him a bit.”

Sam slapped off Icarus’ hand and turned to him, fury in his eyes. He drew out a large hunter’s knife and held it under the man’s throat. Icarus laughed, “Are you trying to threaten me? You do know that won’t cut me, right?”

Sam glared at him, “I don’t give a shit! Call them off!”

“I told you, my pets won’t hurt him! Manticores are much gentler than their Hellhound cousins.”

Sam pressed the knife closer but watched with dismay to see that everyone had indeed been correct about Icarus’ invulnerability. The knife might as well have been dull as it caused not even a scratch against his skin. Icarus looked into Sam’s eyes, “Come on, talk to me. Just for a few minutes.”

Sam eased back, blade still raised and Icarus shook his head, “I heard you Winchesters were slow learners but it’s devastating to really see it in the flesh. You might as well lower that knife. It won’t work; you just saw that for yourself.”

“I’ll keep it up, thanks.”

Icarus scratched at his chin, “Fine, no skin off my nose.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you and the angel to lay off. You two have no reason to waste your time following me or trying to infiltrate your way into Oblivion or whatever else it is you plan to do. The Decimation is going to happen and it’s going to happen soon. You should spend your last couple of days doing something nice. Maybe go see that brother of yours. Bet he misses you.”

“You shut the hell up about him,” Sam hissed and Icarus raised both hands in surrender, “Okay, yeesh. It was just an idea. No reason to get all uppity.”

“Says the man who wants to watch the world burn.”

“Not burn - disintegrate. There’s a difference.”

“Why?” Sam asked, “Huh? Do you even have a reason?”

“Sure! I have a hell of a good reason! Thank you for asking,” Icarus said and he started circling around Sam slowly, “I want my freedom.”

“Freedom?”

The man nodded, “I have been exiled for quite some time and that's putting it mildly. Living amongst humans and demons and angels. Supernatural creatures. Anything that walks the earth I’ve had to face and all of them, every single one, is at heart a dull witted mongrel. And it’s tiresome, boring. Not to mention heartbreaking – watching this world repeat the same mistakes over and over verbatim. Nothing changes but the technology – you still have all the same prejudices, corruptions, problems.”

Icarus sighed, “This whole thing – creation – it’s a hopeless exercise. Nothing is accomplished. And I believe God knows this, he probably has always known. I’m sure it’s one of the reasons you found him to be so disinterested when the Apocalypse was coming to fruition.”

“Well, he must have regained his interest seeing as he’s back in Heaven now.”

“Mm, yes, so I’ve heard but, let’s be real, it’s probably only a temporary situation. My father doesn’t have much of an attention span. Look what happened with the dinosaurs.”

Sam shook his head, “I’m not giving up on this, Icarus. No matter what you say. I will find a way to stop you.”

“And that’s exactly why I wanted to talk to you,” Icarus said kindly, “I really don’t think you want to stop me. After all, you and I have so much in common; we’re both so terrifically damaged.”

“We are nothing alike.”

“No? How about how we both have older brothers who practically raised us? How about how we both had Fathers who ignored us until we did something they did not approve of? And then there is our need to be purified. I know you feel it too. You feel like you’re not right. That you need to be made clean.”

Sam shook his head but Icarus pressed on, “Now, I know you shared such similarities with Lucifer as well but it ended when it came to the desire to be better than you are. Lucifer accepted who he was; you did not and still have not because, like me, you think you can be better. You desire it, crave it – you want that validation.”

“So you’re saying that out of the two fucked up fallen angels, I share more in common with you than with Lucifer?”

Icarus nodded, “In a sense. Lucifer was my brother but he was always hot headed and rash. Short sighted. He always thought he knew what was best.”

Sam snorted derisively at that, “And you don’t?”

“Obviously not. I’ve made mistakes. Many, many mistakes…just like you. But I’ve found a way to make them end. I won’t make any more mistakes. No one will. And we’ll all be free and happy. Ignorance is bliss, yes? Ignorance comes within happiness and that comes best within the form of glorious oblivion. It’s always best to not know anything, feel anything, be anything. You would be happy that way, wouldn’t you? Certainly happier than you are now, away from your dear brother, trapped in a body that you don’t even recognize as your own.”

Icarus ran a gentle finger along Sam’s shoulder, which he shrunk away from as the former angel purred, “As lovely as this body may be.”

Sam jabbed at the air between them with his knife, “Don’t touch me again! I know what your ‘mistake’ was and it sickens me.”

Icarus’ eyebrows rose, “And that is?”

“What you tried to do to Light.”

Icarus drew in a sharp breath, “Ah, yes. I suppose you heard that I tried to violate her. That-that was not what happened. It was all blown extremely out of proportion. As much as I told both her, my father, and Death at the time. I just…I wanted to be close to her. That’s all.”

“Close to her?”

“Again, you should understand. Should sympathize. No doubt you yourself seek absolution from your angel. And if Castiel was to offer it, you would take it gladly. If he were to make you feel pure and clean and righteous, you would accept. You have not met Light, so you do not know but being near her, close to her…it makes you feel…exalted. I only wished that from her, I only wished to be part of it – of her…”

“So you tried to ra-”

“NO!” The word tore out of Icarus and he lunged forward, his hand catching Sam’s throat and squeezing, “Don’t you say that word! Don’t you dare! I would never have done that! I would never have debased her! I am not like that! My father, Death, even Light herself were wrong! Yes, I tried to-to merge my grace with her being but it wasn’t against her will, it wasn’t!”

Sam choked as Icarus shook him roughly, “She had offered it to me! She had offered herself to me, to us, to being something more, to being one. Me inside of her and her inside of me and us together, integrated and blended and perfect and then she-she…I was just doing what she wanted! What she offered!”

Icarus drew Sam closer, his breath hot against Sam’s face, “And it will still happen. You’ll see! Everyone will! Once I’m in Vegas, I’ll show her and everyone and this whole miserable misunderstanding will finally be laid to rest! No more lies, no more myths! We will be close, we will be together, and that will be the end of the story! Book closed, happily ever after, the end!”

Sam’s hands had been struggling to free Icarus’ grip on him but somehow they managed to tangle in the necklace Castiel had given him. Sam’s thumb passed over the small crystal and in his mind, for the first time in a long time, he prayed.

A flash of light burst around them and Castiel appeared; the dark black shadow of wings behind him. Blood trickled from his mouth and he had several cuts along his face, his trench coat torn. Still, he reached out and touched Sam. In the next instant Sam found himself gasping and coughing behind Bobby’s house.

He rested on the grass in a heap and Castiel leaned down next to him, face full of concern as Sam tried to get his breath back, “Are you alright?”

Sam managed a weak nod and croaked, “Manticores?”

“They are off licking their wounds. I struck one of them with my angel blade and was facing the other when you summoned me.”

Sam patted the necklace, “Yeah, thanks. This did prove to be handy.”

“What did Icarus say to you?”

“A bunch of crazy crap,” Sam wheezed, “I don’t know how we’re going to stop him but I do know that he slipped up. He mentioned Vegas…I think that might be where he’s going. And probably where Light is.”

Castiel nodded sagely and held out a hand for Sam to take. Sam slowly rose to his feet and he eyed the blood on Castiel, “You’re hurt.”

“No, only my vessel and it is healed,” he touched Sam’s forehead, “As are you.”

Sam’s throat felt instantly better and he gave Cas a warm smile, “Thanks.”

The angel merely nodded and they stood there a moment, the two suddenly awkward now that the danger had passed. Sam looked at Castiel and remembered their lips touching. He took in a shaky breath, feeling his hands beginning to sweat as he began, “Cas, about the, um…when we were outside the-”

“I should check on your lead. Now that you have been returned to Bobby’s, you should be safe.”

“Yeah,” Sam returned weakly and turned away as the sound of flapping wings rang out.


	8. Chapter 8

Las Vegas was just as Sam remembered it. However, it wasn’t often that a case brought him here. Normally, when he’d come in the past, it had been at his brother’s behest. Dean enjoyed sin city – the lights, the gambling, and the ladies. When the brothers had been here before it had always been as something of a getaway, even hunters needed a break now and then.

This was one of the first times that Sam could recall not only being here completely on his own but being set on the path of something much bigger than their average case. And it already sucked. Seeing the Bellagio and the Luxor without Dean sitting next to him made the pain of missing him worse so he tried to turn his mind over to something else only to have it land on Cas, which made him feel an entirely different set of conflicting emotions.

The angel had eventually returned to Bobby’s to announce that not only did it appear that Light was currently residing in Las Vegas but that she was actually hosting an event. There was a massive charity that had grown quite a popular over the last few months known as the Light & Life Fund. Apparently the charity was holding a rather lavish set of parties.

Not just a party – a set of parties. Different casinos were holding different events – the more you donated, the bigger and better the party you were allowed access to. The best of these was being held not in any casino but at a nearby estate that was rumored to be so lavish as to almost appear fictional. The joke parroted by the association running the charity fund was that it was the kind of home Jay Gatsby would be more than happy to live in.

Cas was quite certain this was where Light’s vessel would be so the only current snag was finding an invitation in. Sam stopped by one casino after another, starting first with the one that was going to hold the lowest party and then working his way up. All the members of the charity were extremely kind and helpful and Sam felt a little bad poking around in their business to get information but knew it would be for the best in the long run.

One of the coordinators told him that he would get the best information at Caesar’s Palace, as that was where their central operations were located. Sam went inside and was directed to one of the many bars, informed that someone would meet with him shortly. Sam flagged down the bartender and ordered a drink. He sipped at it casually when he heard a voice from behind him that made his throat seize up.

“Hey there.”

Sam squeezed his glass and closed his eyes, scared to turn. He must have misheard the voice. It had to be another Rick or DJ, it couldn’t possibly be…

The owner of the voice moved into his eyesight and he saw his brother before him, “My name’s Dean. What’s your name?”

Sam swallowed and felt his mouth flapping uselessly as Dean eyed him up and down. Dean gave him a wide smile and said softly, “Hey, it’s okay. I promise I don’t bite…unless you’re into the sort of thing.”

Oh, Dean, Sam couldn’t help but think with amusement, does that line ever really work?

He knew for a fact that it must though, because Dean’s track record for seducing women was pretty high and he was looking at Sam right now like he wanted to add him to his tally.

“I…” Sam started but just trailed off, unable to continue. It was Dean. It was Dean. His brother. His family. The most important person in his life. And he was looking at Sam like he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

…and he was also shamelessly flirting with him.

Sam felt his cheeks heat up, lips forming a hard line as Dean chuckled, “I’m sorry, guess I came on a little strong. Just saw you all alone and thought I’d introduce myself.”

“No, no that-that was nice of you,” Sam said because he honestly couldn’t think of what else to say and he couldn’t just keep standing there gaping like a fish out of water. What was he supposed to do now? Introduce himself? Pretend like he wasn’t who he was? Tell him the truth?

Dean, apparently satisfied that Sam had warmed up to him, continued, “You here for this charity thing?”

“Uh…yes, actually.”

“Cool, me too. You know anything about the party at the estate? Hear it’s supposed to be pretty shishi.”

Sam couldn’t help but giggle – not laugh, giggle – at that, “Shishi?”

“Yeah,” Dean said with a grin, “It’s another word for ‘fancy’. Or so a…friend of mine told me. I don’t know – been spending a lot of time together and he says all kinds of weird stuff. Guess I picked some of it up.”

“A friend?” Sam boggled over that, struggling to know who Dean was talking about. He had said ‘he’ so he couldn’t mean Lisa. Besides that didn’t sound like a word she would ever use. And thinking on that, where was Lisa? And why in the world was Dean here?

Sam wanted to question him, wanted to know everything but Dean was looking at him now with his head slightly tilted, an odd expression taking his face, “Yeah, hey…you know, do I, uh, do I know you? You-you seem awfully familiar.”

Sam found himself floundering again as Dean edged closer, searching his eyes, “I mean, it’s crazy and I know it’s one of the worst pickup lines in history, but I feel like we’ve met before. Like we know each other from somewhere.”

“Um, no,” Sam decided, flight winning over fight as he reached into his pocket and pulled out some money to leave on the bar, “And I-I should get going.”

Dean pressed even closer, “It’s your eyes…I know them…”

Sam was about to ramble out some more protests before making a hasty exit only for Castiel to choose that moment to make his grand entrance. He waltzed up to Sam and Dean as if nothing was out of the ordinary, “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas,” Dean replied automatically without taking his eyes off Sam and he opened his mouth to question Sam more only to rear his head back and blink rapidly, looking at Castiel with genuine surprise, “Whoa! Cas? What the hell are you doing here?”

“We could ask you the same,” Castiel returned and Dean pointed at Sam, “We? As in you and her? As in her and you?”

“Dean…” Sam started and Dean looked at him with narrowed eyes, “So I DO know you! Who are you? Is this Anna? Did she come back somehow? Or is she some other angel?”

“No. I’m…” Sam ran a hand through his hair and struggled to answer when suddenly Dean reached out for the bar and gripped it hard, “Wait, wait…no…you’re-? Sammy?”

Sam licked his lips and Dean grabbed both of his arms, shaking him lightly, eyes zeroed in on his face, “Sam?”

“Dean,” Castiel said and Dean turned to the angel, “Cas, you gotta be kidding me! You’re here and you’re here with Sam! Sam, who is apparently alive and a friggin’ chick!”

“What’d I miss?” A voice chirped from behind all of them and Sam and Castiel turned to see Gabriel, who was wearing something Elton John would be proud of. Sam wasn’t sure if he could take any more shocks at this point, “Gabriel?”

Gabriel looked at him and smirked, “Sam! Looking good, looking good. Like the boobs. Nice upgrade.”

“Gabriel, you know this is-?” Castiel began but Gabriel chose to hug the other angel quickly, “Oh yeah, I can tell. Same soul, right? And it’s good to see you too, little brother. Looking as lost as ever, I see. And with a Winchester, no less! Guess you and I swapped out our normal compadres, huh?”

“You died…” Sam started but Dean laughed at that - a harsh, ugly sound - before he released Sam, “Yeah, you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, Sammy! You and Gabriel are both members of the Back from the Dead Club!”

Sam felt a rush of shame and answered with a glare, “Last I recall; you crawled out of your grave first so you may as well be the Club President, Dean!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa – everybody chill,” Gabriel said brightly, “Let’s do a quick recap – yes, I am alive. Yes, I faked my own death. Yes, I am awesome. I waited until the whole Apocalypse thing blew over, just like dear old Dad. Now, Sam, how about you? Want to give us a quick recap on how you got that smokin’ hot honey of a body?”

“God brought me back,” Sam offered numbly, not looking at Dean, “But for some reason he brought me back like this. He assigned Cas as my guardian and told us we had to stop this…this event…”

“The Decimation?” Dean asked dryly, “Yeah. That’s why Gabe and I are here too.”

Gabriel groaned in an overly long and loud fashion, “Dean, I’ve told you. Do not call me, Gabe.”

“Gabe here,” Dean stressed on the name, “Told me all about it. What he didn’t tell me was that you were alive or running around with Cas. Cas, who might I add, I’ve been calling for, for weeks.”

“I would have come but I promised Sam to leave you out of this,” Castiel confided, “I was only honoring his wishes.”

“Oh, you were, were you?” Dean muttered and Sam looked at his brother sadly, wanting to talk to him, wanting to make things right. They had been separated for so long and he had missed him so much.

Gabriel, for his part, was still clearly having a blast, “I’d like to say, just for the record, that I did not know that Sam was alive. Or that Castiel was playing Kevin Costner to his Whitney Huston. I did, however, know about the Decimation but only because after I came out of hiding from my whole faked death thing I was ready to party hardy, what with the Apocalypse being over, only to be summoned up top to hear from Dad about how I have to help with this whole new end of everything mess.”

“So you brought Dean in?” Castiel asked and Gabriel shook his head, “Oh no, I found him out and about hunting as per usual. I just brought him along ‘cause he’s a trip. And we share a lot in common, if you know what I mean.”

Gabriel nudged Castiel and winked and Castiel merely blinked at him. Gabriel sighed dejectedly and shook his head, “Which…you clearly don’t. Oh Cas…you really, really need to get laid. It. Is. Great.”

“Yeah, well, if you two could fly off, I need a moment with my brother here,” Dean said, still glaring at Sam. Gabriel looked at Dean critically, “Um, don’t you mean sister?”

“Gabriel…” Dean started warningly but the angel merely held up his hands in defeat and turned to Castiel, “Come on, Cas. Let me show you the penny slots.”

 

+

 

Sam and Dean found a booth and ordered more drinks because – clearly – this was the kind of conversation where drinking was a necessity.

“So…a girl.”

“Yeah.”

“How’s that been?”

Sam huffed out a breath, “You have no idea.”

“How long have you been back?”

Sam pushed his glass around the table a little, avoiding Dean’s eyes so Dean tried again, “Sam?”

“A-A little over six months.”

Dean took a swig of his drink and then thumped down the glass, “So half a year. You’ve been alive; you’ve been a girl, for half a year and you couldn’t bother to pick up a phone and friggin’ call me!”

“Dean…”

“Castiel knows. Who else?”

Sam let out a heavy sigh, “Bobby.”

“Bobby?”

“And…and Crowley.”

“Crowley!” Dean nearly shouted, “Crowley knew you were back before I did!”

“Dean, I didn’t want to drag you back into this! You were with Lisa! Or at least I thought you were…”

Dean shook his head, crossing his arms and shifting uncomfortably where he sat, “I was.”

“Gabriel said he found you hunting.”

“I did go to Lisa, Sam. Swear to you, I did. I went to her and I tried. I tried but I couldn’t make it work. First off, I was a mess. A complete mess after everything that happened. Out of my mind with grief – drinking too much and having nightmares and just…I’m not cut out for that kind of life. The white picket fence and the mortgage and bills and all that crap…it’s not who I am.”

“But you had a family-”

“You are my family,” Dean hissed viciously but Sam shook his head, “You had what you wanted…”

“I wanted you,” Dean insisted, “I wanted my brother. Alive and with me.”

Sam waved a hand, “Well, now you have it.”

“Yeah,” Dean muttered bitterly and took another swig of his drink. He eyed Sam up and down and shook his head, “Unbelievable…I get you back and you’re…”

Sam bristled, “I’m what? Huh? Can’t accept me like this? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, Dean, I don’t like it either. I don’t. I’m not a girl, not in my mind. But this…this is the body I have and I’ve learned to accept it.”

Dean frowned, “So this isn’t some spell? You actually are a girl?”

“God brought me back. He dragged me out of the pit but apparently my entire essence was torn apart by the cage. My body, my soul, my mind…all he had was some little spark to work with. And according to Cas, for some reason, my being a woman is going to be a big part of this whole Decimation mess. Apparently I’m destined to stop it or something.”

“Ah, Destiny – isn’t she a bitch. Wonder if she has a vessel too.”

“So you know about Light then, I take it?”

Dean nodded, “Yeah, yeah – Gabriel filled me in on all of it. Didn’t mention you, of course, but he did say something along the lines of our crossing paths with a ‘woman warrior’. God’s words to him apparently. Guess he meant you.”

Sam’s lips twitched; “Don’t think of myself much as a warrior or a woman.”

“Hey, you sure as hell are a warrior. And as for a woman, well, I guess now when I call you a bitch it’ll be more accurate.”

“Jerk,” Sam muttered with affection and it was clear that, at least for now, things had been righted between them.


	9. Chapter 9

Gabriel, being who he was with all those little tricks up his sleeve, had easily secured them an overly ornate suite at Caesar’s. Sam was positive that he had never been surrounded by such luxury and frankly it made him a little uncomfortable.

Dean seemed much more at ease with it, remarking that this was the life he truly deserved as he excitedly checked out the view then went on to gush about how there was a Jacuzzi with far more settings than necessary but that he planned on trying out every single one of them. Castiel, for his part, was quiet and sober, following behind Sam, his eyes passing over him now and again.

Sam felt those eyes on him and did his best to ignore how it made him feel. Instead he focused on Dean, happy to have his brother back. He knew they still had a lot to talk about but for now they were back on track and it felt fantastic. They started comparing notes on what they had learned about the Decimation and what was the best course of action to stop it.

Dean had had yet to cross paths with Icarus but had also had a similar chat with Crowley about him being the most likely suspect. Dean said that Crowley had, at the time, made some cryptic remarks about Sam that now made a lot more sense. He also told Sam that Crowley had had a hard time not chuckling when he had been saying them. Sam merely grunted at that and then told Dean about what Icarus had said and done.

“Well, isn’t he a son of a bitch,” Dean muttered as Sam told him about how he had tried to merge his grace with Light’s being. Even Gabriel looked disgusted and he eyed Cas, “Have you checked up on Daedalus? Maybe he could help.”

“No, he was lost when the initial beginnings of the Apocalypse started. Word has it that that news reached Icarus through various channels. It’s one of the reasons this might be happening. Icarus probably hoped the Apocalypse would succeed but when it did not and his brother was lost he finally gave into the despair of his long existence and decided to move forward with this plan.”

“Which is why he hasn’t tried this before?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded. Gabriel added, “He also probably didn’t have any access to Light until now. She only recently returned to take vessels, waiting for the whole Apocalypse mess to blow over too. That’s what the heavy hitters do, kids – they wait until all the smoke blows over and then they party.”

“Well, she’s certainly throwing one helluva party,” Sam sighed as he looked through the various pieces of paperwork they had received from the charity. He and Dean sat next to one another at a long, overly elegant table - everything they had uncovered on the case so far spilled out before them. 

Gabriel and Castiel stood to the side, eyeing one another and the hunters as talk soon changed to how Icarus would go about the Decimation. As his crimes in regards to Light were revealed, Dean couldn’t help but ask, “So he tried to merge his grace with her being…is that possible?”

Castiel grimaced, “It is, but it’s…a violent and debasing act without permission.”

“Which I highly doubt he had,” Gabriel insisted, “Unlike you lowly slobs, I’ve actually met Light and she is as radiant as her name would apply.”

The other angel’s eyebrows rose, “You’ve met her?”

Gabriel nodded, “Ever since she started inhabiting vessels again. Makes a lot of sense when you think about it. She’s Light and Life, she likes to party – I’m the life of the party, soooo-”

“Are you invited to her estate?”

Gabriel rubbed the nails of his right hand on his shirt and looked at them, “Hmmm…I might be.”

“Gabe-” Dean pressed and Gabriel rolled his eyes, “Again with the shitty nickname.”

“You should feel flattered,” Sam chuckled, “It means he likes you.”

“Oh, does it?”

Sam nodded, “When he was trying to pick me up downstairs he told me you were his friend.”

Dean’s hand whipped out lightning fast to smack Sam upside the head but Gabriel beamed, “Aw! That’s so sweet! I love you too, Deanie-boy!”

“Hey!” Dean snapped sharply, “Call me that again and I will kick your archangel ass up and down this suite!”

“Now, now – it’s too late! Little brother told me that you like me and I’m just going to be tickled pink about it forever. Well, that and the fact that you tried to pick up your own brother at a bar. Tell me, Sam, what kind of lines did he use? I bet they were all priceless.”

Dean glared at Sam, “You happy now? We’ll never hear the end of this! Never!”

“I think you mean you won’t hear the end of it ever,” Sam corrected and seeing Dean fuming was so oddly endearing that Sam could only feel his smile grow bigger, “Look, I only told him because maybe now he’ll be kind enough to get us all invitations.”

Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek, “I suppose I could. Need to talk to the lady in question first but I imagine she might be curious about meeting the mighty Winchesters. After all, you all have met Death and there’s no way she wouldn’t want to meet you– just to even the score. You should see those two together,” he shivered, “The sexual tension would just kill you.”

Castiel looked leery, “I doubt that’s what’s between them.”

“You say tomato, I say tomatoe,” he replied with a shrug, “Guess I’ll go see what I can do.”

The sound of flapping wings resounded and Gabriel disappeared. Dean turned his attentions to Castiel, “Any ideas on how Icarus will try to kick this whole Decimation thing off? You said he’d have to trap Light or extinguish her or something…”

Cas looked thoughtful, “It could have something to do with his initial transgression. He could try again.”

“But he’s not an angel anymore,” Sam argued, “He lost his grace.”

“True, but I think I recall seeing a ritual in some of Gabriel’s notes,” Castiel reached down on to the table and started shifting through some of the papers. His hand accidently brushed Sam’s and Sam drew his hand back as if Castiel had burned it. Castiel flushed but then found what he was looking for. He went to pull out a seat near Sam and then, thinking better of it, moved over to where Dean sat. 

Dean watched all of this with furrowed brows but couldn’t comment on it as Castiel started talking, “Yes, see here – there’s an incantation that draws Light into a vessel. It’s not written here, naturally, as it’s a very well-guarded piece of magic but if someone knew how to perform the ritual they could direct her into a specific host.”

“Why would such a spell even exist?”

Cas shrugged, “Light probably didn’t mind it at first – if you draw on her you can be healed from any aliment no matter how dire. She is the embodiment of Life, so saving people from the brink of Death would very much appeal to her. However, as I said, it is probably heavily guarded.”

“Or was,” Sam muttered, “Someone probably slipped up or maybe was indoctrinated into Oblivion.”

The angel nodded, “That sounds plausible. Icarus probably plans to draw her into his body. Doing so, he would not only accomplish what he tried to do so long ago but would also trap her. Inside of him she would be unable to escape, unable to burn him out because his form was made to be completely indestructible.”

“And if she can’t escape…what? The world ends?”

Castiel looked between Sam and Dean, “It’s possible but I think there is more to it than that. What, exactly, I do not know. But this seems like his most likely course of action.”

Sam frowned, “He did tell me that they would be blended, integrated, fully into one another. He said they would be together.”

Dean scowled, “Great. And I thought we’d dealt with some pretty sick fucks before. This guy sounds like he’s trying to take home the crown.”

“Yeah, well, each one has to top the last, am I right?” Sam said as he rose to his feet. He was planning on going to the restroom but in order to do so he had to pass Castiel’s chair and Cas had actually chosen that exact same moment to stand back up. They bumped into one another ungracefully and Castiel reached out, his hands gentle as he made sure Sam was alright, “Are you-?”

“Yeah, yes, yes,” Sam whispered, ignoring how his face felt flaming hot at Castiel’s touch, “I’m, um, I’m good. S-sorry I-I-”

“No, no. It was my fault,” Castiel returned as he released Sam. They looked at one another for a moment and then Sam cleared his throat and pushed some of his hair behind one ear, mumbling an ‘excuse me’ before darting off to his intended destination.

Dean looked between the two of them with rapt fascination, “What-?”

“I’ll be back,” Castiel said quickly and disappeared in a flash. Dean’s head tipped to one side in confusion at the angel’s abrupt disappearance and he waited patiently for Sam to return so he could grill him.

Sam came back, looking as innocent as possible as he resumed his seat at the table, he leafed through the papers and tried to act completely nonchalant, “Okay, so we should probably plan out how we want to stop Icarus.”

“What the hell was that?”

“What the hell was what?” Sam returned, avoiding his brother’s eyes.

“You and Cas. What the hell was all that about?”

“Don’t know what you mean.”

“Aw, come on, Sam! Don’t play dumb! You two were acting weird as all get out around one another. When he touched your hand you about jumped a mile into the air.”

“It’s nothing.”

“What was it? Was it a fight? I know that I’ve damn near ripped Gabe’s head off a couple of times. Angels, man, they can be aggravating.”

“No, it’s-it’s not that. It’s like I said, it’s-it’s nothing.”

“Nothing is not what I just witnessed. I know you’ve been working with him for a while. Is it hard to work with him? I worked with him before and he was a little…awkward but he wasn’t awful.”

“Actually we, ah, we work really well together,” Sam mumbled, his mind back to Cas’ hands cupping his face, Cas’ body warm against his own, Cas’ eyes as he leaned down and their lips just…

“Then what is it? Come on, you can tell me.”

Sam rubbed at his eyes, “Look, I don’t want to talk about it, okay? And we’ve got more important things to worry about so…”

“Alright, alright, don’t get your lacy ladies panties in a bunch,” Dean eased up, smirking, “Please tell me they’re lacy. ‘Cause I got to tell you, man, if I was a chick – I’d wear lacy. Or satin. Or silk.”

“Given this a lot of thought, have you?” Sam teased and Dean smacked his arm, eyes back on the paperwork before them. It was silent for a while and just as Dean was getting close to forgetting about the whole thing Sam started fidgeting. He scratched at his nose and then the back of his head, shifting about in his seat, and then it just burst out of him, “I kinda kissed Cas.”

Dean’s head snapped up from the paper he had been looking at, “Whoa! Wait, What?”

“I mean we didn’t really kiss it was just…it was this moment and our lips met and it wasn’t even two seconds but it was-”

“You. Kissed. Cas.” Dean said each word slowly, “ **You** did?”

“Well, I mean he sort of…and I sort of…it was kind of mutual?”

“What, is this some messed up bingo thing? You gotta kiss every supernatural creature you can? First a werewolf, then a demon, and now an angel – what’s next? A friggin’ vampire?”

“It wasn’t like that!”

“Is it,” Dean started and he looked distinctly uncomfortable, “Is it because you’re a girl now? Like, your female hormones…”

“No, Dean. That’s not it either.”

“I’m only asking because I don’t recall you kissing guys before,” Dean offered but his tone was oddly subdued from his earlier outbursts, “I mean, Sammy, y’know if you...if you like girls AND guys, that’s perfectly fine I just…I didn’t know.”

“I do! I don’t! I don’t-I don’t know, okay,” Sam cradled his head in his hands, “It’s not something I’ve really thought about. I usually…I mean, I could honestly care less about a person’s gender. It’s more if-if I feel close to them and attracted to them and that’s how all my past relationships have happened and with Cas…it’s just…we’ve been spending so much time together and he’s actually really funny and kinda sweet and I don’t know…”

“Hey,” Dean said gently and he leaned closer, “Listen, I’m not going to push you. Alright? I mean, you and he sorta kissed. Whatever. I’ll admit it throws me for a loop and I don’t think I’ll be, um, out of it for a bit but it’s-y’know, it’s your thing. Cas is a great guy. He’s not as much of a dick as all the other angels, so that’s a plus. And he’s pulled my ass out of the fire a few times. I was kind of thinking of him like-like my friend until he up and disappeared on me but now I understand why and he’s…I’m just trying to say he’s an okay guy.”

“So you’re saying he meets your approval?” Sam asked from within the confines of his hands, his tone one of dry amusement and Dean raised a hand, awkwardly patting Sam’s back, “I’m saying that this is your business, Sammy. I’ve stuck my nose into your relationships one too many times to do it again. I’m saying I’m going to let you sort it out but if-if you need me, I’ll be here.”

“That’s-that’s awfully understanding of you.”

Dean shrugged, “What can I say? I might have not spent a lot of time with Lisa but some of her did rub off on me.”

Sam shook his head sadly and looked at Dean, “It’s too bad you didn’t stay with her. Seems like she was good for you.”

“Yeah,” Dean returned quietly, “Too bad I was no good for her.”


	10. Chapter 10

Gabriel was gone for much longer than anticipated and as such it gave the Winchesters a lot of quality time to catch up. Dean took Sam to see the Impala (‘Didja miss my baby? I’ll just bet you did’) and Sam showed off his Charger (‘Nice car. Not as nice as mine, but you know…not bad. Please, please, please tell me you don’t have that goddamn ipod jack in there.’)

They did a little gambling and pulled off some hustling at one of the nicer pool tables posing as brother and sister, Eric and Sami Brady. Dean came up with the names and when Sam asked him where he had heard them Dean had mumbled something about Gabriel watching a lot of old soap operas. 

They went to a strip bar because Dean begged Sam to go and they tried out the Jacuzzi in the room because even Sam had to admit it was a nice feature. After all, the only notable feature they had previously enjoyed had been magic fingers in a motel and really, only Dean had enjoyed that. And enjoyed it too much for Sam’s tastes.

It was a pretty good time, save for the moments when Dean couldn’t help but point out Sam’s change. He had tugged on Sam’s bangs, congratulating him on the return of his ‘emo bangs’ and he had made snide little comments about how he could now pat the top of Sam’s head again like he had when they were kids.

But the most awkward were the occasions when Dean’s eyes would drift downwards and Sam would uncomfortably cross his arms and beg his brother to not look at his chest. Dean always colored slightly and would clear his throat after each transgression. After what felt like the fiftieth time, Sam couldn’t help but ask, “Are you incapable of not looking at them?”

“No, man! It’s just…you know…boobs.”

“Yes. I have boobs. Get over it!”

“Yeah but, dude, seriously…you have boobs.”

Sam had rolled his eyes, “You’re impossible.”

“Hey, I bet Cas likes them too.”

This was met with a hard shove and Dean had merely laughed. Sam had to admit, it was good to have his brother back. Comforting, even. Though that comfort evaporated when Gabriel returned to announce that he had not only secured them tickets but ensembles for them to wear to the event, at which point in time he pulled out several bagged outfits.

He laid them carefully across the back of one of the suite’s sofas and then picked up the top one, unzipping it to reveal a dress and high heels inside which he flashed in Sam’s direction.

“No.”

“Oh, come on,” Gabriel whined, “You’ll look great in this! And hey, these threads weren’t cheap! This is an Elie Saab.”

“A who?”

“You plebeians depress me,” he sighed, “He’s a high end fashion designer who was kind enough to donate this gown to me.”

“Donate? Or did you steal it?”

“You say potato…” Gabriel trailed off and he waved the dress near Sam again, “Look at it! Come on, you’ve got to be a little tempted.”

“Yeah, Sammy,” Dean chuckled, “‘Sides, you told me you wore a dress before, remember? That thing you and Jess did back at Stanford?”

“Dean!” Sam hissed, “It was a skirt and I told you that in confidence!”

“A highly misplaced confidence, apparently,” Gabriel smirked and he waggled his eyebrows at Dean, “Care to dish some more?”

Sam leveled Dean with such a glare that his brother relented, “Can’t say any more about it, Gabe. Looks like we, I don’t know, pinky swore or something.”

“We didn’t pinky swear, you just promised not to tell anyone about it,” Sam sighed, “And you failed.”

“I didn’t fail! I just figured, I mean…it _is_ a nice dress,” Dean eyed the dress then Sam and Sam crossed his arms again, “Oh my god…you want to see me in it, don’t you?”

“Wellll….”

“No. Scratch that. You want to see what my boobs will look like in it.”

“You keep those puppies so covered, Sammy. They deserve something nice!”

Gabriel nodded in agreement, “Elie Saab nice.”

Sam groaned; eyes on the ceiling when Castiel came in, “What have I missed?”

“We’re trying to get Cinderella ready for the ball,” Gabriel elaborated and he shook the dress at Cas, who frowned, “I don’t understand.”

“You never do,” Gabriel said sweetly, “Just answer one question: what do you think of this dress?”

Cas shrugged, “It appears functional.”

“Oh, brother,” the archangel lamented, “I meant do you think it’s pretty?”

“The colors are pleasing. I like how the top is black but as it flows down into the gown it changes into other colors-”

“That’s called ombre,” Gabriel explained, “It’s when designers make fabrics graduate from light to dark or vice versa. And it’s fantastic and not cheap and totally why Sam should wear this because it will knock Light out of the park and she’ll be more likely to speak to us.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa – Light isn’t going to speak to us?” Dean asked, suddenly serious and Gabriel lowered the dress, “You’re right. I misspoke. She’ll speak to me, but not to you two.”

Dean scowled, “And just why the hell not?”

“Hmm, let’s think – how about, when the Winchesters come across someone supernatural they tend to, I don’t know, KILL them.”

“We don’t kill every supernatural being we come across or you and Cas’d be in a dirt patch by now!”

“Okay, you’re going off the crazy theory that you can actually make that happen…”

“Not to mention if anyone should talk about being killed by somebody we can look at your greatest hits, Gabe- or did you forget how many times you killed me on an endless series of friggin’ Tuesdays!”

Gabriel rolled his eyes before letting his head fall back, “Not that again! How many times do I have to apologize for that? Not to mention I shouldn’t _have_ to apologize because – for one thing, you’re not _actually_ dead. And for another, it was funny.”

“It was not funny!” Sam hissed.

“Mm, it was pretty funny,” Gabriel argued before falling into a fit of chuckles, “Some of those deaths were classic.”

The Winchesters’ faces were nearly identical in disgust and Gabriel moaned, “Aw, come on! Don’t double up on me with your bitch faces! I _said_ I was sorry.”

“Saying and meaning are two different things,” Dean muttered, “But that ain’t the point right now. Right now the point is that we don’t want to kill Light, we want to protect her!”

“And I told her that and she was still uneasy given your guys’ past history and, again, I cannot blame her. So, yes, I think coming to the party in style and impressing her in some fashion so she’ll loosen up and take you into her good graces isn’t such a bad move.”

Sam eyed the dress then let out a weary sigh and held out a hand, “Give it here.”

Gabriel looked positively giddy as he handed it over and Sam shook his head, “Still can’t believe you know what ‘ombre’ is.”

“And I still can’t believe you guys are so uncultured but we all have our crosses to bear. And don’t forget the heels!” Gabriel insisted, shoving black, overly strappy shoes over to Sam. He looked at the heels and shook his head, “Hey, I caved on the dress but the shoes are completely beyond my comfort zone. I have no idea how to put these on, much less how to wear them.”

“For the love of-!” Gabriel pressed two fingers to Sam’s head and Sam reared back, blinking rapidly as his mind was flooded with a series of input and imagery. Gabriel smirked, “How about now?”

Sam looked at the shoes, then at Gabriel, “I…I know how to wear these…”

“’Course you do! I just uploaded that info into your brain like a big ol’ computer. Now go get changed!”

Sam shook his head a couple of times as if he was trying to get water out of his ear as he walked out of the room and closed the bedroom door behind him. Dean watched him leave with some concern before asking, “You can do that?”   
Gabriel grinned, “You’re surprised I can mentally manipulate someone’s mind? Really? Have you forgotten being trapped in television land? Buddy, I have a whole slew of nifty gifts.”

“One of them apparently being knowledge of how to put on and wear high heels.”

“Dean, I can kill it in a pair of heels,” Gabriel bragged and the older Winchester just shook his head, “Come on then, where’s my outfit. And it better not be a friggin’ Saab.”

“Please,” Gabriel said and tossed a suit at Dean, “Don’t underestimate me. I went old school Armani for you. And for dear, sweet Cas.”

Cas missed the suit that was tossed at him and it fell to the floor in a heap in front of his feet, “Armani?”

“Armani suit, Cas. For me, for Dean, and for you. You can’t wear the same old hand-me-down suit and tie for an event like this and you definitely need to ixnay the coat.”

Castiel looked down at his own appearance and looked oddly sad as he tugged on his trench coat. Sam’s voice floated from the bedroom, “Yeah, Cas, you should loan the trench coat to me. That way I can cover myself up.”

“Sam, you dressed already?”

“There’s not much to this dress, Gabriel.”

“Pfft, that dress is as close to modest as you can get.”

“Say that to the halter top!”

“And you gave me crap for knowing about fashion.”

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean interjected, “Come on out! I promise I won’t make fun of you.”

“Yeah, well, considering you blabbed about the Jess/skirt incident not two seconds ago, you’ll forgive me for not trusting you.”

“Aw, come on, dude! I made that promise ages ago! This one’s fresh and easier to keep.”

Sam let out a heavy breath before asking, “You really promise?”

“Dude, I swear. I’ll even do the pinky thing if you come out.”

“We’ve never done the pinky thing.”

“Hey, don’t knock it. I used that plenty of times with Ben back when I was at Lisa’s.”

Dean, Gabriel and Castiel all looked at the door Sam was behind, waiting patiently. Eventually it cracked open and Sam came out. The dress he wore did indeed have a black halter top that ran down into a flowing skirt. The skirt was black up until a point where it transitioned into a mix of purple, pink, and white as Castiel had noted.

Sam absolutely refused to twirl around like some Disney princess and instead stood awkwardly on the heels he now knew how to perfectly wear – and - he had to admit, he did like them a little bit. At least they helped to restore him closer to his former height. Gabriel looked beyond joyful while Dean just gaped at him. Castiel also seemed dumbstruck and Sam shuffled forward, rubbing at his bare arms, “I feel like an idiot.”

“Well, you look like a grade A model,” Gabriel assured him and he walked closer, pushing some of Sam’s long hair behind one shoulder, “We should see about pinning this up though. Lucky for you, I am a master in all things, hair styles included, so I can do that for you no problem. Make up, too.”

Sam’s eyebrows rose, “You were really serious about the Cinderella metaphor, weren’t you?”

“If I had a wand, I’d wave it and give you a pumpkin carriage,” Gabriel confirmed when suddenly his eyes narrowed and he reached out, taking hold of the necklace around Sam’s throat. Sam completely forgot he had been wearing it and his first impression was to knock Gabriel’s hand away but he resisted it. Gabriel eyed the necklace, then Castiel, then the necklace again.

The archangel whistled, “Where did you get this?”

“Castiel gave it to me.”

“Did he really?” Gabriel asked with some surprise, turning the crystal droplet about in his fingers. He released it and rubbed at his nose, “It’s nice.”

Dean picked up his suit and rose from his seat, “Well, I’ve about had my fill of Project Runway. I’m going to go get changed.”

“Good idea,” Gabriel said then pushed gently at Sam, “Go on, go back in there and get ready. I am going to fix that hair into the nicest coiffure you’ve ever seen.”

Sam trudged back into the bedroom and Gabriel walked up to Castiel, oddly serious, “You gave him that?”

Castiel kept his gaze level with Gabriel, not backing down, “Yes.”

“Does he even know?”

“No,” Castiel did look away at that, “It’s not important.”

“You gave him something of that magnitude and you don’t think it’s important?”

“It’s nothing,” Castiel insisted, “It’s just so I can find him when I need to.”

“Okay, okay,” Gabriel said, uncharacteristically gentle, “It’s just…it…has some meaning.”

“Usually, yes. But I gave it to him because I am his guardian. There is no other reason.”

“Are you sure?”

Castiel met his gaze again, “Positive.”

Their eyes remained locked for an undisclosed amount of time before Gabriel gave a curt nod and walked away, thinking privately to himself that Castiel was either a much better liar than he had previously thought or just incredibly in denial.


	11. Chapter 11

Continuing in his theme of extravagance, Gabriel had the four of them ride in the kind of limousine normally reserved for celebrities. Dean made several remarks about it being the king of douche mobiles until he saw the decanter of complimentary Jack Daniel’s inside - at which point his remarks turned to glowy praises.

As they pulled up to the estate, Gabriel turned to Cas and Sam with a serious look on his face, “Okay, time for you kids to put on your game faces. Now, this isn’t the kind of party you two prudes are used to, okay? I think Dean can handle it. Maybe. Well, a little bit-”

“Gabe!” Dean barked and Gabriel continued, “Point is, Dean can probably handle it more than you can, so just try to follow our lead. Or, more specifically, my lead. Just be casual.”

Sam scoffed, “I think I can handle myself.”

“You say that…”

“Come on,” Sam mumbled, scratching at the back of his neck, trying not to think about the millions of hairpins Gabriel had put into his hair to secure his (in his opinion) ridiculously overelaborate up do, “How bad can it be?”

They exited the car to see how bad it could be.

There was what looked like hundreds – but what felt like thousands – of people everywhere. Loud club music pounded out from speakers, enveloping the air in sound. Glow sticks were tossed about in the warm, dark night air as was confetti, foam spray, and bubbles. Some people wore glittering clothes as expensive as their own, some people wore swimwear, and some people wore absolutely nothing.

There was laughter and chatter and the occasional – no doubt sexual – sounds of moans floating about as people drank, danced, or just ran around with one another. There were groups of people merely talking and other groups of people doing drugs. A series of rainbow colored lights wove through the air bouncing off the sky and people, off shrubbery and ice sculptures, moving about with no real rhyme or reason.

There were large buffet tables and drink stations scattered throughout and Sam would be lying if he said his jaw didn’t drop just a tad bit. Especially when two very drunk, very naked people in masks ran by giggling like mad. Castiel looked just as surprised, which was an interesting thing to see on his normally passive face. Dean, however, could only grin as he shouted over the loud din, “This…is…awesome!”

“I know, right?” Gabriel bellowed back, “Reminds me of Sodom and Gomorrah. Man…I miss those days.”

Sam just shook his head and shouted, “So where’s Light?”

“Probably inside there,” Gabriel pointed to the far back where a palatial estate stood like a castle up on a hill. Sam had seen some fine homes in his time but this took the cake. It appeared to be constructed of finely chiseled stone in rich colors of caramel and ivory, bricks of matching tone interspersed throughout its structure. There were hundreds of windows, all glowing with warm welcome and Gabriel started trudging towards it, waving at them to follow.

As they did so Dean kept sneaking peeks at Sam and once they reached an area where the music died down a little in volume, Sam asked, “What? Why do you keep staring at me?”

Dean looked a little sheepish as he admitted, “You…it’s just…you look good, Sammy. You-you remind me of Mom. A bit.”

Sam felt his face heat up, “Oh! Wow, thank you.”

Dean gave a curt nod then looked away, clearly embarrassed to have said anything like that aloud but Sam was touched. He didn’t really think he looked at all like Mary Winchester but the compliment was a high one from his brother and it made him feel much better about this whole affair.

And then he entered the building. While the outside had been a wild party turned up past level ten the inside somehow managed to be a classy, low intensity mixer. Sam could only conclude that there was some sort of magic spell in place that made it so the sounds from outside did not permeate through the walls as he could actually hear the clinking of champagne glasses and the quiet, whispered words of some of the glitterati rubbing elbows. That was, until a small orchestra to one side started playing some uplifting classical piece.

As the orchestra’s music rose Sam came to the sad realization that he was no more comfortable in here than he had been outside. While the party behind him was too crazy and loud, the party in front of him was too snooty and lavish. Personally he enjoyed small, nice gatherings where there was some fun and some talk but nothing too intensive. However, it appear Light enjoyed the dichotomy of the two parties she was currently hosting. Or maybe she enjoyed even more than that – god only knew what the parties at the casinos were like.

However, it was nice to finally see Dean a little ruffled. He tugged at his tie and reached for the first glass of champagne that floated by, downing it quickly, “Think I’m going to go back outside.”

“Not a bad idea,” Gabriel agreed, “For all we know she’s decided to lower herself among the rabble. You and I should go scout out there. Sam, Cas – you guys stay in here. Maybe mix it up with some of these blue bloods.”

Sam swallowed thickly at the idea of being alone with Castiel. Things had never really been resolved between them since that moment outside Jezebel’s and he wasn’t quite sure how he was going to address it. Or if he was even ready to address it. He knew they would have to talk about it eventually and normally he was responsible enough to face these sorts of discussions head on but in the dress, the heels, and the hairstyle he wasn’t feeling confident enough to try.

He was about to object when Cas beat him to it, “I don’t think it’s wise for us to split up. Besides, you said she was most likely in here.”

“And she probably is, but it’s best to play it safe and hedge our bets. Besides, this place is way more your speed. I mean, yeah, these guys are kind of stuck up but out there?” Gabriel forked a thumb over his shoulder, “Total orgy chaos. Too much for you, guaranteed. And who knows? They’ll probably dance in here in a way that won’t get Sam knocked up.”

Sam glowered at him, “What does any of this have to do with dancing?”

“Uh, because apparently Cas is a big fan of it? I caught him watching some chick flick recently that was all about it and parties are a big proponent of that sort of thing.”

Sam turned to Cas with wide eyes, “Were you watching ‘Flashdance’ again?”

Castiel looked away, “I told you. I enjoy it.”

“Isn’t he adorable?” Gabriel gushed, pressing a finger into Cas’ cheek which the angel slapped away. Gabriel merely chuckled, “Anyway, you guys can slow dance or hustle or mambo or something. Oooo – maybe even salsa! Tango! Yeah! I’m going to request some tango music from that fancy orchestra before I go!”

Patting Castiel roughly on the back, Gabriel disappeared. Dean watched him go, shaking his head, “Man, if he’s tagging along, I’m almost tempted to stay here.”

“Are you?” Sam asked hopefully but Dean only responded by patting Sam roughly on the back as well. He walked off, leaving the two former partners together. Well, Sam wasn’t entirely sure they were former but he didn’t know what else to think. Now that Dean was back in his life and knew he was alive, he saw no reason the Winchesters couldn’t get back to the family business.

And with Light near at hand and Icarus revealed as the major threat, the likelihood of them wrapping up this whole Decimation plan seemed near at hand. And once that was taken care of – what else was there? Why would Cas continue to be at his side? He’d have no reason to be his guardian anymore. More likely than not, God would reassign him to some other task, some other mission. Sam didn’t doubt that Castiel’s next assignment would be better than this one. 

Yes, they had had a moment but that was all it had been. A moment. A weird moment. There was nothing more to it. Sam liked Cas and, he had to admit, he was slightly attracted to the man but what did he expect would come from it? That they would start dating? The idea was beyond laughable. Cas was an angel. An _angel_. Surely he didn’t have those kinds of feelings.

From what Anna had told them, he couldn’t have them. And if he somehow miraculously did, he would get cast out. And the last thing Sam wanted was to be responsible for Cas’ downfall. The poor man had had a hard enough time of it when he had started turning human before the Apocalypse. If it was to happen again…

Not to mention Sam’s abysmal history when it came to romance…or even non-romance, as he didn’t quite know what to call his relationship with Ruby and strangely, that had been easier, clearer, than whatever it was he currently shared with Cas

Sam nodded to himself, making the decision. He would to talk to Cas and just nip everything in the bud. This odd stalemate between them would end and he’d apologize, explain why the idea of them doing anything further would be idiotic at best…and disastrous at worst. Cas would probably be relieved, hell, he probably didn’t even feel anything about it at all.

And maybe once this was all over he and Dean could look into a way to restore him to his normal body. God knew he’d love to have his friggin’ dick back. Not to mention not wear a dress like this again and, most important of all, never discuss how he wore a dress like this. Not that the dress was actually uncomfortable. In fact, it was quite the opposite which only served to push his buttons more. Sam turned to Cas and opened his mouth to start the conversation only to stall at the sight of him.

How could he have not noticed what Cas was wearing? The angel normally wore a suit but that one had become faded over time, the blue tie attached to it more so and he had looked more like an overworked office admin than anything else. Now? Now he wore a perfectly cut, perfectly tailored jet black suit, white crisp shirt and instead of his normal tie he wore a tie that was a dark blue and dotted with brown and green flecks. He looked like he had wandered out of a fancy cologne ad or a model studio or he was a stand in for James Bond or something.

He still had that scruffy thing going on but somehow it worked well for him. More like a refined five o’clock shadow than anything else. His dark hair was almost artfully tousled and Sam wondered if Gabriel, hairstylist extraordinaire, had gotten his hands on him.

Then there were those damn eyes – Sam couldn’t look away from them again. Those blue eyes that were that insane shade of blue that didn’t exist on the color spectrum and, oh yeah, Sam now noticed his lips and damn – Castiel had some gorgeous lips. Perfectly shaped; the right amount of full and the softest shade of pink and then, adding insult to injury, Castiel licked them before holding out a hand, “Would you care to dance?”

Sam just blinked at him stupidly and made some weird sound in his throat before properly answering, “Why?”

“The music Gabriel has requested has started playing. Due to my enjoyment of the films, I have become well educated in several types of dance.”

“You have?”

Castiel nodded, “Gabriel helped.”

“I’m not much of a dancer…”

Castiel brushed his fingers lightly against Sam’s temple and he received the same rush he had experienced from Gabriel earlier. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head as his mind digested all the information, “You guys have got to stop doing that. It gives me a headache.”

“I apologize. It is not a skill I normally demonstrate as I suffer from a similar aliment performing it.”

“Really?”

“Also, it was my understanding from Dean that it would be something you both would frown upon. You enjoy gaining knowledge on your own. However, given the time and circumstances, I did not see the harm.”

Sam looked out to see that there was indeed a section of the house that had been cleared for dancing. Some couples swayed there, their feet sliding effortlessly across the perfectly polished floor. In Sam’s mind he was sure he was going to go out there, trip, fall and possibly cut his own head off with these ridiculous high heels but when he went to try and deny Cas again he saw the look on the angel’s face and then, worst of all, he softly asked, “Please.”

“Okay,” Sam put his hand in Castiel’s, “But just one.”

They walked out hand in hand and Sam tried to ignore how juvenile he felt for having his heart pumping at a strange rhythm just from hand holding. It wasn’t like he was six! But Cas’ hand was warm and bigger than his own and he found that he rather liked that. He was usually the one with the big hands but to experience the reverse was…good.

When they reached the floor Cas pulled him close and Sam knew exactly what stance to take and where to put his hands. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been to a dance before but normally he was the one to lead. And even when he had led he hadn’t been particularly good at it. He could remember several poor girls with crushed feet. Only Jess had managed to get him to move with any sort of grace and even she had laughed at him, giving him sweet kisses and telling him that he was great at many good things but dancing was clearly not one of them.

Not until now, apparently, thanks to Castiel’s ‘download’ he was moving about smoothly, no tripping, no skidding, nothing but easy measured steps. Graceful movements. Castiel was looking at him and Sam was positive his cheeks were turning red but this time Castiel didn’t note their change in color. Instead he eased Sam closer and Sam found his face pressing against the man’s shoulder.

The music was nice and melodic and the other dancers around them seemed lost to their own devices. Sam did his best to ignore his wacky heart and scattered pulse, whispering, “Cas…about-about when we, um, almost…”

“Shh,” Castiel returned but Sam tried anyway, “We-we have to talk about it.”

“Do we?”

“Yes. I…we,” Sam stumbled over his words and hated himself for it. Good job, real smooth, his thoughts berated him but he valiantly went on, “We almost, ah, kissed. I think. I mean, it-it seemed to be going that way. In that direction. Place.”

Sam started mentally punching himself but he couldn’t seem to stop the awful word vomit. He had faced off against demons and ghosts. He had faced off against Alastair. He had faced off against Lucifer and yet this was what got him all tongue tied? But he just kept on going, “And I…I wanted to know what you think we should do about that. Or it? Or-or what might be going on between us. If there is anything. You know…past friendship. Because, ah, if-if there is I’ve thought about it and I think-”

His words were cut off as the music suddenly changed tempo, becoming faster and quicker and he suddenly remembered that Gabriel had actually requested a tango and there was no way he could go there. Slow dancing was one thing but the tango? Sam had never done any complicated dancing. His fitness routine ended at running and pull ups. He wasn’t the kind of athletic individual who could pull off complex dance steps.

Castiel, however, had a determined look on his face and, okay, Sam would be lying if he said he didn’t find it to be kind of insanely hot. The seriousness of his expression, the heat burning behind his eyes was like nothing Sam had seen apart from when they fought monsters, when he used his angel blade or his powers to destroy them. But destroy was not the right word for this. No. Cas was looking at Sam not as if he wanted to destroy him but as if he wanted to devour him. 

He looked hungry; passionate and he swung Sam about and Sam, amazingly, found himself keeping up. The knowledge imprinted in him by Castiel seemed to be kicking into high gear and somehow he just knew what to do, where to step, how to move. They danced around one another and against each other, bodies intertwining and unlocking and finding each other yet again and Sam suddenly realized the other couples had cleared the floor and now he and Cas were dancing for an entire audience.

An audience that watched with rapt fascination as they danced together, worked together, moved together like they had been doing this sort of thing forever. As if they were natural, choreographed performers who did this kind of tango on a daily basis. And the music kept getting faster and faster and so did they and neither of them missed a beat, a move, and Sam couldn’t believe the way they were dancing and the most ridiculous, happy smile took his face.

His pulse was pounding and his adrenaline running. He had never felt something this exhilarating. This was fun. This was fun. And then Castiel was spinning him and spinning him until he was dizzy and then drawing him dangerously near, their faces close and just sort of dipping them down and it should have been so silly but somehow it was one of the best things Sam had ever done. He was looking up into Castiel’s smiling face and – holy shit! Castiel was smiling! He was smiling! All big and bright and white teeth and fucking perfect!

Castiel was smiling and Sam realized he was too and the audience around them was clapping like mad and cheering. Slowly Castiel raised Sam and himself into a standing position and Sam bowed because, honestly, he didn’t know what else to do. The bowing was the only uncoordinated thing that he did as he wobbled slightly and then he looked at Cas and with an incline of his head got the angel to bow with him to more hoots and hollers.

Sam beamed at him and clapped a little himself, “I think I understand why you like those dancing films. That was pretty damn fun.”

“It looked fun,” Castiel confessed, “That’s why I learned.”

They looked at one another, smiling, chests heaving and Sam found himself gripped with the insane urge to hug Cas. An urge which he found himself unable to resist. Cas didn’t hug back but when Sam drew away and patted his arms, Castiel reached up and caressed his cheek again.

Sam froze; heart in his throat and he saw Castiel’s eyes linger on his lips again. Sam found himself feeling another urge coming on, this one to kiss Castiel only for both of them to be interrupted by a man in dark shades who was wearing both an ear piece and a tux. He gave them a little bow before speaking, “My apologies for intruding but the lady of the house witnessed your dancing and has requested your presence.”

Sam and Castiel looked at each other before looking back at him. Sam spoke first, “The lady of the house? You mean the hostess? The woman behind these parties?”

“Yes, Ms. Light informs me that she is very eager to meet you, Mr. Winchester, as well as your companion, Mr. Castiel. She has also sent someone out to fetch Mr. Gabriel and the other Mr. Winchester.”

Sam tried to digest how the man had called him ‘mister’ so casually despite his clearly female form. Castiel, not thinking of this, said, “Good. We are very eager to meet her as well.”

“Splendid. If you would be so kind as to follow me.”


	12. Chapter 12

The man introduced himself as Reger and took them far away from the noises of both parties. They eventually were ushered into a shadowed kitchen. The only lights came from outside and Reger clicked at the light switch only to curse under his breath, “We’ve been draining a lot of the power from all over the house. This is the one room that suffers the most. I would move you elsewhere but this is where Ms. Light said to leave you. She said she believed you would appreciate the privacy. She has also informed me that she will be with you, but it may take some time as she is currently entertaining other guests. Please, make yourselves comfortable.”

Reger left and Sam looked around the expansive kitchen. Before him was an empty, fairly large marble topped island and past that was another door, walls of cabinets, several stoves, and more islands, everything placed in a strategic fashion. Sam wondered if it was designed by someone who was into feng shui. He vaguely remembered Jess talking about that at one point – her interest in the phenomena only passing.

There were several chairs and some tables and behind him were lines of fridges humming on what had to be an auxiliary power source separate from the lights. This was clearly the kind of kitchen that could support a decent sized staff. However, there were some homey touches to make it friendlier. Candles on the back counters, wicker wreaths on the walls, some colorful artwork that didn’t look too ornate. It was the perfect mixture of both utilitarian and laidback.

Sam looked at all of it and felt his heart still pounding, his pulse still jumping and he knew Castiel was behind him, he could feel the angel’s eyes on him, almost as if he was burning him with his gaze and Sam shifted on his feet, rubbing at the back of his neck, “Well, this is good news.”

Castiel only answered with a deep throated hum that made a shot of pure arousal shoot through Sam’s system. He tried to ignore it. Instead walking up to the marble countertop and running a hand over it, disregarding how his palm was sweating, “I wonder how long she’ll be. Hopefully not too long.”

Castiel didn’t answer but Sam heard him walking closer. Sam closed his eyes and tried to get a handle on his breathing, “That-that was really fun out there. Dancing. We did a great job. I enjoyed it, I-”

The last word broke into a sharp noise as Castiel’s lips met with the back of Sam’s bare neck. He placed a gentle, damp kiss once, twice – on the same spot before letting the tip of his nose trail up to Sam’s nape, his face nuzzling into Sam’s hair. Sam breathed out ‘Cas’ and Cas answered by lowering his mouth to the bony knob on top of Sam’s spine. He licked at it, circling it with his tongue and Sam moaned outright.

Castiel’s hands ran up and down Sam’s arms, causing his flesh to break out in goose bumps and Sam felt his head tip back slightly, felt Cas body behind his, felt their bodies melding together and he most certainly felt Cas’ erection. Sam’s eyes widened at the feel of it and he drew back because he didn’t know that could even happen to Cas and he wondered if it was the angel himself or merely his vessel and he absolutely had no idea how to handle it.

Sam faced Castiel and looked deep into his eyes, “We shouldn’t do this.”

“Yes,” Castiel nodded but his hands settled on Sam’s hips, squeezed there, “You are, of course, correct. This is a terrible idea. Dreadful.”

“We haven’t even…even talked about…” Sam’s words died off as Castiel came closer again, as their breath mingled, their lips inches from one another and he swallowed, “I…Cas, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never done this before. I mean…not like this.”

Sam meant so much with those simple words. He’d never done this with a man. He’d definitely never done this with a man as a woman. He’d never done this with an angel. He’d never done this when there were groups of people raging around them having a party. He’d never done this when their hostess was supposed to show up god only knew when. 

But Castiel only confided, “I have never done this at all. We will learn together.”

Castiel finally captured Sam’s lips with his own but, unlike last time, this was no mere brush of mouths. The moment they finally kissed fully it became a riotous affair, Sam letting out a tortured whimper of pleasure. It was like putting aloe on a sunburn; the feeling of instantaneous, blissful relief. The tension between them finally breaking as Sam’s tongue darting out to tangle with the angel’s – slick and hot. They were as perfectly matched here as they were on the dance floor.

It was surprising to discover the angel was so confident in this regard and Sam wondered where the courage came from. According to Dean, he had looked petrified (humorously so) at the brothel he’d been taking to but here, in this moment with Sam, he seemed to have complete mastery of his facilities. In fact, if Sam hadn’t known any better he would have thought Castiel had been kissing people for years – kissing them and being damn good at it. More accurately, kissing Sam and being damn good at it.

He angled his head to make the connection better and Sam couldn’t help the moan that escaped him at the action, especially when Cas cupped his face in his hands, long fingers brushing his cheek and then the nape of his neck again, making him shiver. Castiel’s hands rose up to Sam’s hair and with a casual gesture all the pins that been holding Sam’s voluminous hair up seemed to evaporate, allowing all of it to tumble downward and into his grip.

He tangled his hands in the silky strands, twisting them but not enough to hurt and Sam had always loved that feeling. It was one of the main reasons that even as a man he had kept his hair long. It felt so good to have someone’s hands in his hair – fisting and tugging and just playing with it. It was something that he had only ever confessed to Jess and that somehow Castiel seemed to instinctively know.

Cas released his lips long enough for Sam to breathe and they panted against one another. Sam hadn’t even noticed that his fingers had curled into fists in Castiel’s suit jacket and he tugged on it a little as he smiled to himself.

“This is crazy,” he said, even as he pushed Cas’ suit jacket off so it fell to the ground in a soundless heap, even as he loosened Cas’ tie and started undoing the buttons on Cas’ shirt, “Just…so fucking nuts. We should stop.”

“We can stop,” Castiel said seriously, “At any time, if you wish to stop, you only have to ask. But if you would like to continue, if you would give me permission…”

“Permission so given,” Sam muttered against his mouth, kissing him again, luxuriating in the sharp feeling of the man’s stubble, which was crazy because he never, ever, ever would have thought he’d be wild about that kind of sensation. After all, every woman he had ever been with had been smooth, soft, and lush. Cas was the complete opposite – abrasive, hard and lean. 

Sam’s back met with the island and without breaking their kiss he reached behind him to grasp a hold of it, eager to raise himself up on it. Cas took hold of Sam’s waist and lifted him up, helped him to sit on the edge of the counter. Sam’s legs parted and Cas fit between them as Sam’s hands carded through Cas’ hair, his arms wrapping around his neck to draw him as near as possible.

With their heights now more evenly matched it allowed for deeper kisses, hungrier ones and Cas’ hands were running up and down Sam’s thighs, hitching up his dress and when they met with Sam’s underwear he shuddered. The realization of what they were doing, what direction they were headed in, hit Sam hard and he pulled away, gasping. He was a Winchester and Winchesters never did tend to do things halfway but this…

Cas peered into Sam’s eyes, his own gaze outrageously blue as he whispered, “May I touch you here?”

Sam’s head bobbed as he whispered, “Yes, yes…”

Cas’ hands traced the edge of Sam’s underwear, fingers dipping beneath the elastic, fingertips just grazing his ass then moving upwards, trailing up to the top of his thigh. Sam’s head fell back, his legs parting farther away from one another, allowing Cas better access to the most intimate part of him.

Sam had explored his body since the change. He had had to. He had forced himself to. He had tried to grow accustom to having breasts and long hair and curved hips but this part of him had been the most difficult to absorb, to accept. After all, having your privates drastically altered wasn’t something one easily adjusted to. And the two parts were very different from one another. 

There were certain points since coming back that Sam had honestly thought he couldn’t take the transformation. He had not asked for it, had not wished for it, and didn’t know how to mentally or physically handle it. But over time he had come to reach some sort of harmony about the whole thing. After all, what else could he do? 

But now as Cas looked at him and touched him so reverently he found himself feeling more at ease than he could remember. That was, of course, when Cas chose to misuse his gifts again, making Sam’s underwear vanish and the sensation was so odd that he couldn’t help but laugh, “Did you just do what I think you did?”

“They were a hindrance,” Cas explained and just when Sam was about to tease him about making his clothing go ‘poof’ Cas’ fingers found the wet center of him. 

“Christ!” Sam cried out as Castiel’s fingers deftly started exploring his soaking, tender folds. 

“Castiel,” the angel corrected cheekily, “Don’t forget who you are with.”

“Cas,” Sam gasped as Castiel gently stroked him. Sam shifted his position, hips arching to allow Cas better access and the angel took full advantage of the opportunity, one finger easing up to fit perfectly within the hot channel of Sam’s body. Sam fell back on his elbows, moaning shamelessly as Castiel thrust this finger in and out of him only to follow it with a second finger, then a third, all three stretching him and working him, his skin breaking out into a light sweat.

“Come on,” Cas urged, “Move.”

“M-Move?”

“Back against my fingers,” Castiel said, hovering over Sam, kissing him, “Take your pleasure, I want to see it.”

The sharp sound that left Sam was in reaction both to Cas’ unexpected dirty talk as well as the feeling of Castiel’s fingers easing in and out of him in this perfect mimic of sex. Sam flushed, both parts shy and terribly turned on as he began moving his hips, answering each thrust of Cas’ fingers.

“That’s it…so good…so sweet,” Castiel murmured against his mouth, “I’ve watched people do this before…I never understood the appeal. Not until now, not until you.”

“Ohhhhh…” There was supposed to be more. More words. Something more after ‘oh’ which was supposed to just be the short word itself followed by more talking and not this long, drawn out sound which was escaping Sam’s lips. But he couldn’t manage more. Not when Castiel – good, sweet, supposedly innocent – Castiel was talking like this. Fucking him like this. And god, he was being well and truly fucked. And no one was using a dick or anything. Just words. Just hands. Just lips and yes, Castiel withdrew his fingers to be met with what Sam knew was a pitiful moan only for Sam to cry out in jubilation, Cas’ mouth going down on him, lips and tongue hungry and wild all over Sam’s now drenched core.

And when Castiel found Sam’s clit, found it and sucked on Sam was lost, fingers twisting in Cas’ hair and he knew this feeling. Remembered it well and yes, it felt different – almost deeper and more primal but still delicious in its extreme ecstasy. He could feel his climax building up and up and some other time he might care, might feel embarrassed about the breathy, high pitched erotic sounds he was making but right now…

Oh god, right now he was a creature of pleasure and when he broke apart, an orgasm washing over him like a heavy wave upon the shore, he went ahead and cried out as loudly and as extensively as he wanted. He rode it out, his whole body thrusting up into Cas’ face, closer to the point of contact that had brought him off and Cas seemed more than happy to oblige, eager even, to keep Sam riding that high.

Sam lay back, boneless and lost in the haze of his release, only to have Cas rise up over him again, kiss him with his wet face and Sam tasted something on him, something that was probably himself and he whimpered because, honestly, at that point that was all he could do.

Cas drew back and helped Sam sit up, ran his fingers gently through Sam’s hair, caressing his cheek and generally looking at him as if he was the most wondrous thing Cas had ever seen. Sam kissed him once or twice; gentle kisses before he hopped off the counter, legs like jelly but strong enough to move, to turn Cas, to urge him wordlessly to get up on the counter himself.

Castiel sat right where Sam had, looked at him with those confused, puppy dog eyes and Sam pushed at him, his voice a rasp, “Go on. Lie down.”

The angel did as directed and Sam’s fingers shook as he undid the angel’s fly, as he tugged on his pants and his underwear and it would probably look ridiculous if anyone else was observing them. Sam tugging everything off and Castiel shifting and wiggling to help but Sam didn’t care. All he cared about was what he wanted in this moment and what he wanted stood thick and proud and Sam had to admit, Castiel’s erection was a thing of sheer beauty.

Honestly, part of him had thought when he finally saw the angel’s cock he would be scared off but instead it was the complete opposite. He wanted it. Oh god, he wanted it inside of him and he wasn’t even the least bit terrified. He wanted it with a blind need that was almost reminiscent of his blood addiction. But that had been sinister. That had been destructive. This was something else entirely. This was…almost transcendent.

And a little voice in the back of his mind was being his normal, responsible self. It was telling him about safe sex and condoms and how they should wait, that they had done enough for one night. But then there was that other voice - the growling, snarling one that had convinced him to do the most heinous of things, to make the most bold of mistakes and it told him that this was fine and that he had to have it, he had to have it now, and that he should let nothing stand between them. That their flesh had to meet and that there was no time to wait.

Sam found that voice the most compelling as he mounted Cas. He knew it would probably be better in a different position; in a different place because – for fuck’s sake – he was about to lose his virginity as a woman but he found this was how he wanted it. How he needed it. He wanted to be the one on top, the one controlling everything. He wanted Cas inside him but he wanted to be the one to fuck Cas, not the other way around.

This was what he thought as he hitched his dress up about his hips just enough to get it out of the way, just enough to make it so that he could find Cas’ cock and hold it straight up as he slowly, carefully, sank himself down on to it. It was a little awkward and uncomfortable and there was the slightest pinch inside him, a vague sensation of pain when they first met. But once he was fully seated he found himself more than fine, more than okay.

In fact, he was far more okay than he thought he probably should be, but honestly – who the fuck cared? His whole life had been nothing but a sheer series of strange events. This was just one on top of a list and at least this was leading up to a no doubt sensational (and memorable) second orgasm. So Sam rose up, letting Cas slip half-way out of him before dropping down again, taking him in to the root.   
Sam began a rhythm – it was a little unsure at first, artless in a way - but then it began to click instinctively. He started grinding down, his hips rolling up and down and Castiel groaned beneath him, slowly starting to thrust up, to meet him, and Sam encouraged him, “That’s it, That’s it. Come on…do this with me.”

“Yes, yes…” the angel mumbled passionately, his hands rising up and reaching behind Sam’s neck, finding the latch that held the halter part of his dress up. He unhooked it and it fell apart, revealing Sam’s breasts, nipples dusky pink and pebbled. Castiel’s hands rose up, gently cupped them; flicked the tips and Sam’s head fell back as he continued to ride Cas, as he moaned lasciviously.

Their bodies turned hot and slick, melting into one another until Sam found himself reaching another breaking point. He began to thrash, whimpering as Castiel gripped his ass and started urgently arching upward, driving himself deeper and harder. He rose up to better meet Sam’s body, his mouth finding one of Sam’s taunt, aching nipples. He sucked at it, pulled it deep into his mouth and the wet suction triggered Sam, making him tense and cry out as his second release hit. 

His body squeezed Castiel, milked him and the angel shouted Sam’s name as he broke apart, coming hotly inside of him.

Sam collapsed on top of him, shaking from the aftermath. White heat spread from his center in a widening pool of pleasure that made him go limp with warm relief. Castiel gently ran a hand up and down his back, stroking him as he caught his own breath.

Sam felt a smile take his face as he rose up slightly, resting his sweaty forehead against Castiel’s as he kissed him again. That was, of course, when he heard a sound from the door on the opposite side of the kitchen. Cursing he withdrew himself from Cas, doing his best to fix his dress and frazzled hair. Cas, for his part, was slow to tug his pants back up and tuck himself away, fixing himself back to visually passable just as said door opened to reveal Reger and several other men dressed like him, clearly the security of the event.

They were a dense throng of men until they parted to let through an absolutely stunning woman. She wore an icy blue gown, her beautiful dark skin coated in a sheen of silver glitter, her golden eyes sparkling with mirth, “Sorry to interrupt but I sensed you reaching a proper conclusion.”

Sam almost swallowed his own tongue before replying, “You knew we were…”

She shrugged, “It happens a lot at of my events. My presence tends to elicit a sense of…how should I put this delicately? Urgency? Yes, I suppose that will do, my presence elicits a sense of urgency in regards to living. People wish to just rush out and grab the bull by the horns, so to speak.”

Castiel finally dropped down from the island and turned to face Light, not looking at all embarrassed as he said, “Much like Cherubs.”

“Not exactly. They incite love while I incite a variety of emotions. Any that make you feel more alive – whether that’s love or hate or something else altogether, I tend to stir it up whether I wish to or not. I generally do my best to steer it towards the positive spectrum, hence the parties. That and I adore seeing humans live. Just live – I observe them and it brings me great pride. To think I helped with that – good or bad – always makes me feel warm and fuzzy.”

She walked up closer to them, “Dean and Gabriel are awaiting us upstairs. If you would be so kind as to follow me.”

Light and her security team started walking and Sam and Castiel had no choice but to follow. They ascended a very long flight of stairs and found a rather luxurious sitting room waiting for them. Dean sat on an overly stuffed sofa, eating little cocktail wieners off a tray while Gabriel lounged against a nearby fireplace talking up a very beautiful redheaded server.

When Dean saw Sam he was all smiles, “Sammy! Come here! You got to try one of these things! They’re awesome!”

Light smirked, “As you can see, your brother’s predilections went more towards food than for anything carnal.”

Dean gave her a wink, “For now.”

Light chuckled and shook her head, “You’ll have to excuse him. I gave him a sample.”

“I’m sorry, a sample?” Sam asked with confusion, slightly worried for his brother who seemed uncharacteristically chipper. Light sighed and took Sam’s hand in her own, “Again, I tend to bring out the best in people whenever possible i.e. I try to make them feel good about life and living. You and your brother, I imagine, have rarely experienced this feeling. Let me give you the same sample I gave him.”

A bright glow began to take Light’s hand and it slowly went into Sam’s. It crept up his whole arm and then pulsed throughout his body. He felt his heart rate increase a little and a sense of euphoria take him. He felt…good. Great. He didn’t think he had ever felt this good ever. A dopey smile took his face and Light drew her hand away, “It’ll fade in a little while but while it lasts you should enjoy it.”

Sam looked at her with a grin then looked at Dean who had risen from the sofa to talk up the same girl Gabriel was speaking with. It was clear the two of them had a friendly rivalry going on for her attentions. She, however, noticed Sam and remarked, “Hey! I saw you! You and your date were amazing! I’ve never seen such dancing!”

“Dancing?” Dean looked at Sam in surprise, “You danced? With who?”

Castiel raised a hesitant hand and Dean bust out laughing. Gabriel, looking between Sam and Cas, got the most evil, Grinch-like grin on his face as he said, “Oh yeah? Is that why you two are sweating so much? Why you looked so…disheveled?”

Sam looked down to see that his skin did indeed have a sheen of perspiration and that his dress was hanging on him a little awkwardly as he had rushed in putting it back to rights. He swallowed as memories of earlier rushed back to him. Castiel’s hands in his hair, Castiel’s mouth on his body, Castiel thrusting up and up and…

Gabriel, as if sensing Sam’s inner flashback, continued, “Yeah, bet that’s it. You two, together, working out that little bit of tension…”

“What are you trying to imply, Gabe?” Dean asked point blank and the archangel raised both hands, trying to look innocent, “I’m just saying that they both seem sort of…afterglowish. But I’m sure it’s just the kind that comes from regular, clothes-on dancing, am I right?” 

The redhead looked from both Sam to Cas then started giggling. Dean looked at both of them and his eyes widened to almost comical proportions, “Oh, no friggin’ way!”

Sam was positive that the redness of his face could be seen from space as he kept his eyes downcast, mumbling in Light’s direction, “Is there somewhere I could, ah, freshen up?”

Light clapped her hands, “Of course. I just wanted you both to see your friends were unharmed. I know your kind to be a suspicious lot. So! How about - Sam, Castiel, I show you to your quarters and then I will do the same for Dean and Gabriel? I think it would be best if everyone got a good night’s rest before we started discussing your no doubt brilliant plan to protect me from whatever evil forces you think might be lurking about.”

“Don’t appreciate the sarcasm!” Dean snapped as Light took Sam gently by the shoulders and began directing him towards an exit.


	13. Chapter 13

Light brought Sam into a spacious room and showed him around; talking over one shoulder about the room’s various features. There was a large king size bed, flat screen television, and a fantastic Breccia Aurora standing shower with glass doors. It was here that she grinned, “The water pressure is fantastic. I know I have to wash up myself. I’ll be changing vessels in the morning and this one is coated with glitter.”

She shook her hands and some of it floated lazily to the floor, “Not that I minded. Tonight was a raging success. We earned a considerable amount for the charity and I got the chance to make the acquaintance of both you and your brother. I’ve heard so much about each of you.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Hmm, bit of both. But we’ll see which one holds more weight when we talk in the morning. Though, before I leave, I hope you’ll try not to hold the shade of my eyes against me.”

Sam looked into Light’s eyes to see the golden irises and frowned, “Why would I-?”

“Azazel had yellow eyes and while mine have a much warmer hue, I am aware that you might see similarities there. His encounters with the Winchester family are the stuff of legend and he and I share our own history. It’s not something I will discuss with you other than to say that I am quite pleased we will never cross paths again.”

Sam processed that then said softly, “Was that history similar to the one you shared with Icarus?”

Light scratched at the back of her head, “I am afraid I have quite a bad history with many individuals – angels, demons…some of it is not savory. You have to understand, the power I emit…it can become a craving in some.”

“Like the sample you gave me? Like you gave Dean?”

Light nodded, “About ninety-nine percent of beings take it, enjoy it, and then shrug it off. But there is that one percent that just cannot let it go. They want more of it, more of me, and there’s only so much of myself I can offer.”

“We start dying when we take our first breath,” Sam muttered.

“Yes. Sadly. And there is nothing I can do about that. I am not God. I am not Death. I am but the beginning, the white light, the start of it all. I endure with you for a limited amount of time and then that’s it. There’s nothing I can do to change or influence it. That’s one of the reasons I stayed away from this plane, from vessels, for so long. I find it…infinitely sad. The endless wither. But it is for the best.”

“I don’t know about that. Dean and I took a spin through Heaven – and he was in Hell. Neither afterlife is worth a damn.”

Light shrugged, “So what do you suggest? This Decimation business that Gabriel told me about?”

“He told you?”

“A little. He said you and your brother would be eager to cover it with me and he didn’t want to spoil your fun.”

“Sounds like him.”

Light chuckled, “Yes, he’s a funny little thing. I am glad he is still with us. But you did not answer my question.”

Sam rested back against the doorframe, “Honestly? I don’t know. I don’t know what is for the best or how everything should end.”

“You see, I think you do,” she whispered, “I think you know but you’re overthinking it, a trait that I believe both you and your brother share. You both think there has to be some big, complicated, overarching answer when really, it’s so simple that you can’t even imagine it.”

“Then what is it?”

She grinned and walked towards the bedroom door, “That’s for you to find out on your own. I don’t want to spoil your fun either. Have a good evening, Samuel Winchester. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Light left and Sam shook his head. He shrugged out of his dress and wandered into the shower. He clicked the water on and adjusted it to his preferred temperature – just that little bit below scalding. Hot puffs of damp fog filled the air as he searched through some of the cabinets. He found towels and small samples of soap, shampoo and conditioner.

He put the towel to one side before climbing into the shower. A pleased sigh left him as the water met his sticky skin and he gladly rinsed off. Just as he was about to start shampooing his hair he heard a tentative knock on the restroom door, followed by Cas’ gruff voice, “May I enter?”

Sam swallowed and looked down at his naked form, “Um…Cas, I’m-I’m sort of naked…”

“I’ve seen you nude before. Also, we engaged in sexual intercourse not more than-”

“Yeah, yes,” Sam interrupted sharply, “Fine, come in.”

Cas trudged in, suit still in disarray as he tried to eye Sam through the perspiration on the shower doors, “Have I upset you?”

“No,” Sam answered quickly, “It’s just…everything happened sort of…fast. I-I haven’t really digested it all yet.”

“I understand. Do you wish for me to leave?”

“No,” the word left Sam much to his own surprise, especially when it was followed by, “You can, ah, join me? If…if you like.”

Sam half expected Castiel to ignore him or to just leave anyway. After all, what had happened down in the kitchen was completely insane. They had had sex. They had had good sex. They had had sex and Sam was a woman when he was actually a man and Cas was an angel and his life had reached such a level of fucked-up-ness that even he was impressed.

He didn’t know what to think or what to feel but apparently his mouth was working independently of him considering he had just invited an angel to shower with him. And god only knew what was going on in the Cas’ mind. Though Sam soon discovered it was to accept his offer as the glass door to the shower opened and a very naked Castiel entered.

Sam looked him up and down and then much to his own shame he turned away because apparently this was more than he could handle. Honestly, considering what had already happened earlier, being shy now was beyond ridiculous. But the sensible part of Sam’s mind had returned and it was nagging him about how they had not talked at all about where the hell they were headed and, oh yeah, there was that whole sex-with-no-condom thing and…

Castiel came up behind Sam and he pressed the full length of his body against him. Sam’s eyes widened at that, at the feeling of a warm, naked Cas touching him fully and then Cas’ hands rose up to wrap around his waist, to hold him in something that was similar to a hug but not quite. He pressed a kiss to Sam’s shoulder and then the side of his head before whispering, “I can hear your thoughts. You mind is full to bursting with them. Would you like me to silence them for you?”

Sam licked his lips and nodded. Cas’ hands rose and he cupped Sam’s breasts, the pad of his thumbs brushing over his nipples before his index fingers curled up and began to tease them, drawing them into finer points. Sam moaned, all thoughts clearing from his mind like leaves fluttering in the wind. 

Pleasurable sensations spiraled down his spine as Castiel’s mouth found his right ear and began to nip at it, tongue circling the shell before he whispered in a guttural rasp, “You’re safe with me, Sam. I promise.”

Sam moaned weakly and arched backward, rubbing his ass against Cas’ hardened cock, “I know, I know…”

“May I take you again? Please? May I have you once more?”

Sam turned his head and captured Castiel’s mouth, kissing him hungrily, hoping his actions would convey more than words could say. Castiel returned the kiss before pressing Sam forward. Sam’s body met with the cool, slick tile and he let out a guttural moan as Cas buried his face in his hair, as he positioned their bodies better so that he could just slide right in.

Sam gasped as Castiel took him from behind, each thrust deep and purposeful. Sam’s hands scrabbled at the walls for purchase but not finding any comfort there they wandered down his own body, long fingers brushing over his skin until they reached down to touch his clit. He stroked it gently, his breath coming in shaky bursts and Castiel groaned at the sight, his own fingers joining Sam’s to touch and to tease.

The air was hot and steamy from their actions as much as from the water pelting down around them and Castiel seemed to be losing control of himself, sounding more and more human with each heavy pant, his hips suddenly snapping forward almost desperately. Sam couldn’t help but whimper at his urgency. The first time they had done this they had been working together, a fluid unit, their joining slow and languid. This was quickly becoming the very opposite, Cas’ movements boarding on the edge of feral.

“So good,” the angel growled, “Can’t believe…how good you are at taking me. All of me…”

“I want it,” Sam returned breathlessly, “I want all of it. Come on, Cas, fill me up.”

The angel cried out and Sam could feel him coming apart at the seams, could feel his release and he relished it, relished in the power of making Castiel lose control. Cas’ hips slowed gently and he withdrew, slumping heavily against him and Sam couldn’t help but chuckle, “You okay back there?”

Castiel breathed in loudly through his nose before answering, his voice thick, “Yes. But I am disappointed in myself.”

“Oh?”

“You did not orgasm.”

The smile on Sam’s face grew, “Yeah. But, y’know, it’s okay. As far as I’m concerned, our first time was some kind of magical fluke. Most virgins don’t have grade A sex the first go ‘round. And making a woman come is a tricky thing and, hey, I’m a woman right now, so,” he shook his head, “Look, I’m sort of fumbling this, but what I’m trying to say is this is the natural outcome. I mean, for most people.”

“We are not most people,” Castiel muttered, “I was unable to keep myself in check, as I’ve been unable to since this mission began. I have…not been entirely honest with you, Samuel.”

Sam frowned at that and drew away from him, turning so he could face him, “What do you mean?”

Castiel sighed, “Ever since I drew you out of that river, I’ve…felt things. Things I was never able to feel before. Ever since God brought me back everything has been closer to the surface, almost as if I was mortal. He returned you to life and you are notably different. I believe he did the same with me. And I do not know why and I am…”

He shook his head and let out another huff and Sam could see it on his face. He was frustrated and maybe even a little afraid and that made Sam’s heart ache. He cupped Castiel’s face in his hands and kissed him before he rested their foreheads against one another, “Hey, it’s cool. We’ll figure it out.”

“My thoughts often turn to Anna, how she wanted this. How she wanted it so badly that she fell and…” he trailed off and Sam gently prompted him to continue, “And?”

Cas pulled away, looked in his eyes, “And I think I understand now. Yet I still fear falling.”

“You’re not going to fall, Cas,” Sam said firmly, “I promise.”

“That’s not a promise you can make.”

“No, but I’ll be damned if I don’t do everything in my power to make sure you don’t and as for everything else? We’ll figure it out. You and me. Together. Okay?”

Castiel didn’t look convinced but he nodded anyway. Sam kissed him again and grinned, “Now come on, I’ve got to actually get clean and get some sleep.”

“Sleep?” Castiel questioned, “Oh no, I’m afraid that’s not possible. Not yet. I still owe you.”

“Owe me?”

Castiel gave him a little grin, “As I said earlier, we are not most people and I will not see you succumb to a natural outcome. You deserve another…what was it you called it? A magical fluke?”

Sam laughed at that, “So, what you’re trying to say is, you want to have sex again?”

The angel’s blue eyes seemed to burn more brightly at that announcement and Sam found himself swallowing thickly as he nodded, “Yes. I must rectify my error. We will leave this shower and I will take you to bed. And there I will take you apart, piece by piece. I will unravel you slowly, take my time, have you peak again and again and again until you forget your own name.”

Sam’s lips twitched and he felt a rush of excitement at those words, “That’s some big talk. Really think you can deliver?”

Cas merely looked at him, face somehow sexy in its aloofness, as he turned the water off and took Sam’s hand, as he led him to the bed. He waved a hand over it and Sam climbed on top of it, laying himself out like some silver platter. He reached for Castiel but his hands were gently pushed away, “Wait here.”

Sam rested back against the pillows, wondering what in the world the angel was up to, only to be surprised to see him return with his tie. Sam’s eyes widened as Castiel mounted him and took hold of his wrists, gently twining them together, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I am skilled at binding,” Castiel assured him as he gently tied Sam’s wrists together, “And it is important to me that you do not interfere. Again, my goal is to have you peak multiple times to make up for my own selfishness earlier.”

Sam valiantly tried to ignore how he was actually squirming with anticipation. Castiel carefully drew Sam’s bound hands up to rest above his head and he pressed down on them firmly, “Do not move these. Do you understand?”

Sam felt his heartbeat flutter as he nodded and Castiel slowly began to caress him, his hands like that of masseurs but far more personal, nimble fingers running over every inch of exposed skin. Sam’s entire body was lavished with attention – breasts, stomach, sides, thighs, and more. There were spots that Sam hadn’t even thought of as erogenous zones until Castiel touched them. 

Sam gasped and shuddered and he began to feel tension mount in his very core, the need for more starting to wear away at him as Castiel kept touching him but not where he wanted, needed, to be touched.

“Come on, Cas…” Sam gasped, “Come on…”

“Shhh,” Castiel whispered, “I’m taking my time. I’m savoring you.”

Sam let out a frustrated whine at that, hips jutting upwards, trying to draw Castiel’s attention but the angel was undeterred, sticking to his word. He lowered his mouth to Sam’s neck, licking and sucking and working his way slowly (torturously slowly, in Sam’s opinion) down until he reached Sam’s breasts. He played with his nipples using his tongue and his fingers, rubbing and rolling each tip until they formed into firm, almost painful points. They were starkly red against Sam’s pale skin and Sam could do nothing but let out sounds and arch his body, hands firmly kept above him.

He wasn’t sure if he could snap through the tie but he felt like he might as his wrists struggled against their bonds, wanting to be free, wanting to clutch at Cas’ back, his hips, wanting to direct him. Castiel’s mouth remained well fixated on Sam’s breasts but his right hand moved downward, diving between Sam’s legs, fingers seeking out his center.

His thumb brushed his clit even as his palm gently ground downwards and his index finger entered him, pushing in and out with measured strokes that had Sam cursing. Cas drew away to whisper against his skin, “So sweet…you’re so wet for me…”

Sam closed his eyes and undulated against Cas, moaning as he tried to form words. They came out stilted, “You-uh-you sure ha-have a filthy mouth…f-for an angel…”

“As I said earlier, I’ve been watching humans a long time. I’ve seen copulation before, heard the words uttered…not to mention the films I’ve caught Dean watching…”

Laughter unexpectedly bubbled out of Sam only to be followed by another heartfelt moan as Castiel’s fingers started to pick up the pace, drawing in and out of him with more voracity. Sam felt his thoughts splinter as the tension from earlier returned with a vengeance and this time nothing dissuaded it from reaching its breaking point. Castiel’s name left Sam’s lips in a shout of jubilation as his release sang through him.

But Castiel was not to be stopped, Sam had come but he had vowed to make Sam peak repeatedly. Sam had heard of multiple orgasms and had even been proud to give Jess such pleasure on one occasion but he had never thought to have it for himself, had never thought to experience it firsthand. But as Castiel’s tongue swept over him, entered him, he felt himself ratcheting up for another release, sweat beading on his skin, fingers clutching at the pillows behind him, wrists aching against the tie as he nearly shot off the bed, his second climax startling him with its intensity. 

Castiel seemed unmoved, hands holding Sam’s hips down firmly, mouth not done with its work and Sam questioned whether or not he could survive this. Castiel finally drew away, capturing Sam’s mouth hungrily. It was a messy kiss, a hot kiss, and Castiel’s right hand rose up to press down on Sam’s wrists, to pin them into place as his left hand went down to one of Sam’s legs, gripping his thigh to draw it up and over him, to make room for himself as he drove his whole hard length inside Sam’s body.

Sam cried out even as he surged into the action in answer. Castiel’s movements were sure and rough, each pounding thrust physically moving Sam up the bed, sheets and blankets bunching beneath them. It became almost a competition, each of them lunging at one another but Sam felt himself break first, stars exploding behind his eyelids as his climax took him by the throat, damn near strangling a variety of shrill vowels out of him.

Cas only responded with aggressive grunts and when he collapsed on top of Sam in a heap of sweaty bones and muscles, Sam found himself surprisingly comforted albeit a little bit crushed. Cas turned to gently kissing Sam’s face as Sam caught his breath, “Man, that was…you really were serious about making up for earlier, huh?”

Castiel hummed, “And we’re not even done.”

Sam’s eyes grew round, “Uh….we’re not?”

Castiel shook his head and withdrew from Sam only for Sam to feel his cock hardening once more against his thigh. Sam couldn’t help the strange chuckle that left him, “What? You have no refractory period?”

“No,” Castiel said seriously, “Is that a problem?”

The deadpanned way he said it made Sam laugh more and Cas, enchanted by the sound of it, gave a small, modest grin. Sam shook his head, “God, you’re gonna be the death of me.”

“I hope not,” Castiel returned as he gently untied Sam’s wrists. He gently brought his hands down, kissing each wrist tenderly as Sam spoke, “Can’t believe we’ve done that twice now sans condom. That’s a stupid thing to do. Reckless.”

“You worry we will create Nephilim?”

“Amongst other things.”

Castiel ran a hand over Sam’s body, accessing, “I do not sense the creation of any life. I also do not sense any sexual transmitted diseases. My vessel is also clean. Granted, I checked all of this before our first consummation and have done so ever since. I will go to retrieve your request prophylactics and give you time to gather your strength before our next round.”

In a flash Castiel was gone, leaving Sam to laugh again because somehow the angel managed to dance on the knife’s edge of being simultaneously good and bad at dirty talk. He laid there, body all aglow and with a warm smile realized it was going to be a long, fantastic night.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam slowly woke to sunlight streaming in. He didn’t open his eyes fully, instead stretching out lazily on the bed, limbs reaching out for Cas. He found nothing but empty mattress and he let out an unhappy noise. Clearly the angel had not stayed and he found himself hit with a pang of disappointment. It would have been nice to wake up next to him but he couldn’t fault Castiel for being up and about, considering the man did not need to sleep.

Sam slowly ran a hand over his face and then his chest and then frowned. His chest was…flat? Muscular? Eyes snapping wide open he sat up and looked down to see his body – his real body. He was a man again! Sam looked at himself in shock then let out a surprised yelp when Gabriel appeared out of thin air at the end of the bed, voice bright, “Mornin’ tiger!”

“Gabriel! Jesus! What-?”

“I gave a lot of thought to our Cinderella vibe last night and let’s just say, I decided to really go with it. So! For today and today only, you get to be your old big boy self again! I mean, c’mon – if I can make you into a _car_ than I can certainly make you a man! But, again, it’s temporary. Stroke of midnight and all that.”

Sam tugged the sheets on the bed up more tightly around himself because, hey, he was naked underneath but part of him couldn’t help but feel a little grateful. And a lot cautious, “And you’re doing this because?”

“Do I need a reason?”

Sam glared at him and Gabriel let out a weary sound, “Look, you’re, y’know, kind of a good guy. Your brother certainly talks highly of you and he and I have spent an inordinate amount of time together lately. Like you pointed out, we’re clearly besties now. And more than that…”

The archangel sat on the edge of the bed and looked surprisingly uncomfortable as he admitted, “You make Castiel happy. Thought you two might like to spend some time together one on one in the form you like best.”

“You’re doing this for Cas?”

“Hey! I can be altruistic! I don’t just make hot, hot, hot, HOT models for myself. I mean, considering you’re more the scholar of your family, I’m sure you know Cas’ rap. He’s the angel of solitude and tears for fuck’s sake. Who wants to be the angel of that, am I right? He deserves something nice now and again and apparently he’s made the baffling choice of you as his something nice.”

Sam looked at Gabriel with disbelief until something clicked in his mind that made him laugh, “Oh my god, my brother’s really rubbed off on you, hasn’t he?”

Gabriel stood up and looked distinctly unhappy as Sam continued, “You said it yourself. You’ve spent a lot of time with him and Dean’s big on family, so-”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t ruin the moment, pal. Just take the gift I gave you, will ya?”

Sam couldn’t help but nod, “Okay. Yes. Thank you, Gabriel. It is nice to be me again, even if it’s only temporary. Now, get the hell out. I’m naked under here.”

“Ohhh – but that makes me want to stay more!”

“Out!” Sam insisted and Gabriel let out a disappointed groan before vanishing.

 

+

 

At first Sam was worried he wouldn’t have anything to wear considering his recent collection of clothing was completely different in size. However, a search of the room uncovered a fully stocked closet with a variety of different clothing in a multitude of sizes. Clearly, Light was a planner. Sam found a nice V-neck grey shirt and some jeans and looked in a mirror, happy to see his real face staring back at him.

The sight motivated him to no end. Now was the time to wrap up this Decimation business so he could start focusing on getting back to this. Back to himself. Back to normal. Though as he walked through the house, searching for the others, he found his mind going over last night. Last night with Cas. If anything, last night (and particularly Castiel alone) had convinced him that while he could and should make it a goal to get back to himself, he also had to reconsider his definition of ‘normal’.

Initially normal had been he and Dean – riding in the Impala, staying in motels, drinking and fighting and making the world as safe a place as possible. But now, after everything that had happened, normal would have to shift slightly because Castiel was in the picture. And in the picture in a way he never had been before. While they had had yet to talk about it, Sam found that his opinions on his relationship with Cas had changed drastically.

At first he had thought there was no way they could do anything, be anything, because of Castiel’s status as an angel and Sam’s own hang-ups. But now he wasn’t so sure. Clearly God hadn’t instantly smote them for being together. And the truth of the matter was – Sam liked it. He liked kissing Cas, touching Cas – and he certainly liked having sex with him. But more than that – he liked Cas.

It was just as he’d told Dean – Castiel had issues but overall he was sweet, funny, and interesting. Sam liked being around him and spending time with him and talking with him and yes, it made him feel sort of silly because he knew he was currently rhapsodizing about the man like a teenager with a crush but – well, dammit, he kind of did. Have a crush, that is.

Sam had little luck finding anyone until he wandered into a fancy dining room. The room itself was made mostly of windows that gazed out over an impressive swimming pool and several palm trees. In its center was a long, glossy black table surrounded by uniquely carved wooden chairs. At the head of the table Dean sat with a plate of food before him. Gabriel sat to one side, feet propped up.

Dean poked at Gabriel’s foot with the end of his fork, “Mind putting those down?”

“But I’m comfy!” Gabriel whined but the look Dean shot him was such that he let out a deflated groan and lowered his feet, sitting up straight. He waved a hand out towards Sam, “You think you could afford to be a little nicer to me. I mean, look what I did for your brother. Gave him his penis back and everything! Now he can bone my baby brother proper!”

Dean, who had been drinking his coffee at this point, proceeded to give a spectacular spit take at that revelation. Gabriel burst out laughing while Dean wiped at his face, glaring daggers at him, “Why would you say that? What the hell is the matter with you!”

Gabriel kept laughing even as Dean shook his head and looked at his brother, “So, uh, Sammy - back to basics, I see.”

Sam cleared his throat, Gabriel’s declaration still ringing in his ears; “Yeah, like Gabriel said, he waved his magic wand and did it. Though it’s just for now.”

Dean looked at the archangel with some admiration, “Really?”

“Why is it you and Sam both make it sound like I’ve never done a nice thing in my life?”

“Well, you did kill me…” Dean started but the loud bellow of annoyance that left Gabriel cut him off. Sam didn’t want to grin but couldn’t help himself. Especially since Dean looked so happy to see him, patting his arm roughly, “Well, it’s nice to have you back as my brother. Even if it’s only temporary.”

“What? Something wrong with having me as your sister?”

“Nah, but we both know this is who you are, Sam.”

“Please,” Gabriel sneered, “It’s really ‘cause he can’t stand the thought of anyone being prettier than him and, let’s face it, girl Sam was giving you a run for your money, Green Eyes.”

“Green Eyes?” Dean questioned and the archangel nodded, “Oh yeah. The green eyes, the pouty lips, the dash of freckles – you know you are one pretty boy, Dean Winchester. Too bad God didn’t decide to make you into a chick. Bet you would have been smokin’.”

“Oh, he already is,” A voice piped up and Light walked in, her normal detail behind her. There was Reger, his men-in-black crew, and also a very lovely woman. Sam watched as the men scouted the room and as the woman walked towards the windows. She looked like a romantic anime character brought to life, her ebony hair curled at her gilded cheeks, her eyes a striking onyx hue. Light came over to her, gently touching her shoulders, “Are you sure you’re ready for this, Mai?”

Mai turned, smiling, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Remember, this is only temporary and it will not hurt. You have my word.”

Mai nodded and turned to face Light fully, cupping her face in her hands. Light cupped Mai’s face in return, pressing their foreheads together before opening her mouth, a soft tendril of bright white smoke curling up and out of it. The smoke passed between them first and then a blinding sheen of energy seemed to project itself from Light’s current body and into her new one.

When it was over, Light’s former vessel sagged into the hands of her new one and Light did her best to hold the girl upright, nodding to Reger who came over and quickly scooped her up into his arms. Light ran a hand over her hair, looking at her tenderly, “Make sure you take good care of her.”

Reger took the girl away and Light walked over to sit next to Sam. Dean eyed her suspiciously, “Changing vessels?”

Light shrugged, “I’m sure you’ve done your research. I can only be in a human host for a few hours or I’ll burn them out. I would never do such a thing, so I tend to change often. I normally seek out females. After all, their bodies are made to host life.”

“And they know? They know you’re going to…wear them.”

Light shot him a narrow glance, “That’s not how I would phrase it but yes, they do know. My vessels go through a rigorous screening process. I only select certain individuals and they are made well aware of any possible risks. I do not take residence without explicit permission and those who offer up their services are greatly compensated for any inconvenience.”

“Interesting,” Was all he said to that, picking at his food with his fork and Light rolled her eyes, “You know, you have a very jaded point of view when it comes to the supernatural. Not everything is secretly evil and out to harm.”

“That hasn’t been my experience.”

“Hmm, well, your experience is very limited in the overall scheme of things. Besides, if you worry that I’m such a threat, why protect me from Icarus?”

“Well, word has it he’s going to unravel the world. And we can’t have that.”

She bit the inside of her cheek, “No. I don’t suppose you could. After all, you Winchesters are this world’s most valiant champions. No matter which universe you are in.”

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed, “And what’s that supposed to mean.”

“I am, of course, referring to the vast majority of different realities in which you exist. In each of them you and Sam tend to be the same, protectors of the innocent. Though I have glimpsed a few that are far darker.”

“Whoa, back up. Other realities?”

She nodded, “Alternate realities, timelines– you’ve experienced a few of them yourself or do you not recall the future you traveled to in which Lucifer succeeded in possessing your brother?”

Dean scowled, “No, trust me. I remember. You don’t forget something like that. I’m just wondering how you know about it.”

“God, Death, and I never change. We are constant throughout all realms, all possibilities. Therefore I’ve glimpsed a multitude of different Dean Winchesters and Sam Winchesters. Usually your basic core is the same in each of them, but little things change. For example,” she gestured to Sam, “Your brother is currently restored to his normal form but there are realities in which he is completely female since birth. And you, Dean, are female as well. There are worlds where your Mother lived but your Father died. There are universes in which you aren’t even named Sam and Dean but are, in fact, actors acting all this out on television. There are worlds where Sam lost his soul, where Dean became a demon, where Castiel and Dean are lovers and-”

“Okay, you can stop right there,” Sam interjected, refusing to admit he felt jealous at that revelation but Dean must have picked up on it because he looked thoroughly amused for a moment before he perked up, “Hey, what about Icarus? Are there alternate versions of him?”

Light looked thoughtful, “No. Actually, that was how he gained his invulnerability. When he committed his transgression, God was quite wrathful. He deemed that Icarus should only live in one existence, all possible variations of him merged into one endless being. Death and I contributed our own strength to the endeavor. We couldn’t erase him entirely - his myth echoes throughout all - but his actual physical being only resides here.”

“Interesting,” Dean murmured, “Any way we can use that to our advantage?”

“It is possible,” Light returned, “We might be able to undo our work. Make it so that he once more has mortality. However, doing so would require both Death and God’s participation.”

“You’re good on Death,” Gabriel offered, “I sent Castiel out to find him.”

Dean, Sam and Light all turned to him and Gabriel shrugged, “What? I have good ideas. I figured if someone’s stupid enough to threaten Light and Life, Death would be concerned. After all, without Life, he becomes pointless. Can’t imagine he’d be too keen on that.”

Gabriel leered at Light, “And besides, I want to see you two interact again. That’s always good for a laugh.”

Light looked chagrined at that, shuddering delicately before turning her gaze to Dean and Sam, “Tell me, what exactly did you two uncover about Icarus and his plans?”

Dean and Sam offered up what they had learned about Icarus, Oblivion, and his possible ideas for the Decimation. When Sam mentioned the ritual that would force Light into a specific host she looked rattled. Gabriel turned unexpectedly sympathetic, gently patting her shoulder. She took his hand, squeezing it as she shook her head, “I don’t believe he can do that. The incantation required has been under lock and key for ages. There is no way he could get access to it.”

“You sure about that?” Dean asked and Light let Gabriel’s hand go. She rocked in her chair, looking apprehensive, “I…suppose it’s possible. But it would mean that one of my detail has turned on me. And I can’t believe any of them would do that.”

“Lady, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, trust is a double edged sword. Might be best if Sam and I talked with some of your staff. Poked around for any possible threats.”

Light sighed, “Very well. And while you two go about that - Gabriel, do you think you could find it within yourself to confront your Father? I doubt he will deign us with his presence but, as I said, a portion of his power will be required in our attempt to defeat Icarus.”

“Say no more,” Gabriel rose to his feet and snuck in a quick kiss on her cheek before disappearing. Light also rose and looked at both Sam and Dean, “You can feel free to wander the grounds, speak with whoever you wish. I have my own matters to attend to.”

Light left and Sam watched her go with a sense of empathy. If anyone understood what it was like to know that some nefarious being wanted to take possession of you, it was Sam. And while he had failed in his own situation with Lucifer, he decided then and there that he would be damned if he allowed the same thing to happen to Light.

He looked at Dean who was eyeing him in a fashion that could only be termed ‘coy’. Sam had seen this look many times and knew he was in for some brotherly teasing as he let out a heavy breath, “Yes? What is it?”

“What’s what?”

“Don’t ‘what’s what’ me. You have that look where you want to bust my chops, so you might as well-” Sam didn’t even get to finish before Dean interrupted, “So, you and Cas, huh?”

Sam felt his face heat up and he avoided Dean’s eyes as his brother gave him a devilish grin, “First you two are k-i-s-s-i-n-g in a tree, then you’re trippin’ the light fantastic and now you two are, I take it, kissing and trippin’ right into the sack.”

“Dean…”

“Didja hear that I apparently bagged your boy in some mirror verse?”

“Dean!”

“What? I got no designs on him here, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Dean assured him but then he played at looking serious, “Though if I did…”

Sam reached out and pushed at Dean’s head, nudging him away. Dean laughed and nudged back and the two of them mock fought for a moment before Dean offered an olive branch, saying softly, “Look, I don’t want any details. All I want to know is, are you happy?”

Sam let that question sink in and he felt himself offering a cautious smile as he nodded, “Yeah. You know, it’s-it’s funny to admit it, but I am. I’m happy.”

Dean roughly thumped his back, “Good. That’s all I need to hear. I’ll give him the ‘if you break his heart, I’ll kill you speech’ later and we’ll be golden. Though, keep in mind, Bobby’ll probably want to lay that one on him too.”

“Gee, thanks for your approval,” Sam snorted but deep down he had to admit it did make him feel good to know Dean was on board. It also made him feel good to know he felt…good. Happy. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had actually felt this happy. Would wonders never cease.


	15. Chapter 15

Sam let out a loud sigh as he fell backwards on the bed.

It had been a long and exhausting day. Sam and Dean had interviewed scores of people. Guards, maids, chefs, gardeners, people involved with the charity…and every single one of them had nothing but glowing praises for Light. They even questioned some of her former vessels only to hear more of the same. Her host before Mai, Regina, practically declared her a patron saint. Regina had been in a car accident several months before and her injuries had been so severe that she had suffered from chronic pain until Light had taken over.

“She’s gone now,” Regina whispered, eyes glittering with tears as she touched her chest, “But I can still feel her in here and it feels…wonderful. The pain is gone. It’s just…gone. Thanks to her, I can live again.”

This was not an uncommon occurrence. Several of Light’s previous vessels described a similar feeling and had also been in unhealthy circumstances before she took residence only to be miraculously healed afterwards. As such, Dean had suggested that tomorrow they start looking into people who had possibly been considered for vessels but denied.

“Nothing like the resentfully unhired,” Dean had assured him but in a tone that suggested that he himself was resentfully unhappy. Sam knew this was because towards the end of all their interviews Dean had announced his annoyance at their progress.

He felt they were playing a lot more defense than offense but Sam had argued different – after all, there was no point in going after Icarus until Death, Light, and God got together and undid their little hat-trick. Dean had looked as if he was about to argue more only for Light to come sauntering by in a new – and decidedly shapely – vessel. She now had big, blue bedroom eyes, plush red lips, waves of brown hair, and insanely pale skin. Her body was a thick hourglass and the look she shot Dean when she walked by was nothing short of smoldering.

Biting one knuckle Dean hissed, “Yeah, is it just me, or does every vessel she take on smokin’ hot?”

“What about Amanda? You know, the retired seventy nine year old school teacher we talked to through Skype?”

“What about Amanda? She had a total Julie Andrews thing going on and I mean…you know…if I had to pick a grandma…”

“Dude!” Sam laughed and nudged him, “Whatever, I’m off!”

“Yeah, yeah. See you tomorrow. Tell Cas I said ‘hi’.”

Sam stared at the ceiling and wondered when exactly he would see Castiel again. After all, it hadn’t been easy for them tracking Death down the first time. But then, he certainly had advantages as far as searching for the Horseman went. As if to highlight one of them, Castiel suddenly appeared in the room, “Hello, Sam.”

Sam slowly sat up, “Cas.”

“I have returned from finding Death. He is on his way.”

“Oh, uh, good.”

Castiel looked at him thoughtfully, “You are in your proper body.”

“Yeah, thanks to Gabriel.”

“Really?”

Sam grinned, “Yeah, we all had that reaction.”

“I take it this is not permanent.”

“Nope.”

Castiel absorbed that then nodded, “Well, it is good to see you regardless. Your other form is comely but this one suits you better.”

Sam avoided his eyes, suddenly feeling anxious, “Is…is it?”

Cas frowned, “I do not follow.”

Sam got to his feet and put his hands in his pockets, hunching his shoulders slightly as he walked closer to him, “I mean, y’know, I don’t know if angels put much stock in same sex relationships or-”

“I see. You are worried I no longer desire you, because you are now male,” Castiel shook his head, “It is one of humanities more patently ridiculous notions. This worry over sexuality and gender, this fear of censure merely for loving who you love or being who you want to be. I can assure you, Sam Winchester, that I still desire you. I would desire you if you were,” Castiel waved a hand, struggling for an example, “if you were a-a kumquat.”

“A kumquat?” Sam questioned with a laugh.

Castiel nodded, “Or a goat or a fairy or a vampire. It does not matter to me if you are a man or a woman or something else. No matter what you chose to identify yourself as, I will desire you because you are you. Because no matter what form you take, your soul never changes. It is always beautiful. You are always beautiful and you are what I want.”

Sam tried to ignore the lump that had formed in his throat at that declaration. Instead merely whispering, “Oh. Well. Alright then.”

Satisfied that Sam had accepted his answer, Castiel walked over and gave him a firm kiss. Sam felt his lips twitch, sort of smiling as he returned the kiss warmly. They kissed for several moments before Castiel drew away, eyebrow furrowed, “However, I will admit your returned height is a little disconcerting.”

Sam beamed, “Now you see why I didn’t like being shorter than you.”

“Hmm, it is a little off putting. But nothing I cannot handle,” Castiel went in for another kiss but Sam drew away, “Hey, hold on a sec. I’ve, um, got a surprise for you.”

Sam walked away from him only to go towards a stereo system that was sitting on top of a dresser. He pushed a button and a slow song began to play. He bobbed his head a little to the music then turned to Cas and held out a hand, “Figured you might like another go around on the dancing. What with me being in the right body and all.”

“A slow dance?”

“It’s the only real dancing I know. In the sense that I actually learned it myself and it wasn’t just drop kicked into my brain via angel magic.”

Castiel took Sam’s hand and Sam drew him close, “Is it okay if I lead?”

“Of course.”

Sam grinned and they slowly began to move about the room. With no audience, Sam felt more at ease and he looked down at Castiel affectionately, “I can’t believe I’m about to say this but…I’m actually really starting to like dancing.”

“It is an enjoyable activity.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like I’ve ever had much reason to dance before. I mean, I went to a couple of school dances and there was that now infamous prom with Rachel Nave but past that, not much reason to get up and do something like this.”

“That is unfortunate. I’m glad we’ve rectified the situation.”

Sam and Castiel danced in silence for a while before Castiel spoke up, “I have something for you as well.”

He drew away from Sam enough to reach into his voluminous trench coat. He drew out a dark brown leather cuff and started latching it around Sam’s wrist, “You had requested I find you something less feminine for you to keep the necklace on.”

Castiel reached up and found that the necklace was still around Sam’s neck, even though he had tucked the crystal jewel inside his shirt. He gently untucked it before finding the latch to release it, taking it off so that he could begin winding it around one of the cuff’s straps. Sam watched him work quietly and once he was done he finally asked, “So, the crystal…you finally going to tell me about it?”

Castiel looked up at him, blue eyes uncertain and Sam continued gently, “It’s just…Gabriel seemed to have a reaction to it when he saw it…”

Castiel avoided his eyes and Sam’s head reared back as he gasped, “Cas! Your cheeks have changed color!”

Despite his teasing, the sight of Castiel blushing was almost more than Sam could bear and he was highly tempted to kiss the angel and tell him to forget all about it if it caused him such embarrassment but instead he was answered with a shy, “It’s my feather.”

Sam blinked, “What?”

Castiel let out a heavy breath and forced himself to meet Sam’s gaze, “Inside the crystal. One of my feathers is encased in it. It helps me locate you no matter where you are but it is…it is also viewed as a very significant gesture.”

“Like a promise ring?” Sam teased and as Cas’ blush deepened he cocked his head to one side, eyebrows rising, “Or like…an engagement ring?”

“No,” Castiel muttered, “It’s just…it’s not something given lightly.”

“But you gave it to me?” Sam questioned, “You gave it to me even before we-”

“I’ve always been drawn to you,” Castiel confessed, “Even when I spoke ill of you, I’ve always found you…intriguing. I raised your brother from Hell and he and I share a deep connection because of that but you…there is something about you…there has always been something about you.”

“My soul?”

“Your everything,” Castiel whispered and Sam couldn’t help himself, couldn’t keep himself from kissing Castiel another second longer. Castiel returned the kiss eagerly and reached for Sam’s shirt, bunching it in his hands, tugging at it and Sam took the hint, drawing it up and over his head, tossing it aside before pushing off Castiel’s coat with the other man’s help.

The coat fell just as Sam cupped Castiel’s face in his large hands, kissing him again. They walked backwards towards the bed and fell upon it in a tangle of limbs. There was an awkward struggle as they undressed, especially since Castiel now seemed fascinated with Sam’s male body. He ran his hands all over Sam’s arms, squeezing them, feeling the hard, sculpted muscles beneath before sweeping over his pectorals, nipples the same dusky hue he remembered from last night. He teased them, licked them, watched with pride as they once more turned into red hard tips.

 

Sam cursed, his body jerking like a live wire at every touch, his newly returned cock aching to be free from the confines of his jeans. He took a tight hold on Cas’ tie, tugging at it to draw Castiel’s mouth back to his even as he tore at the man’s shirt, sending buttons flying everywhere. If the angel cared about the destruction of his clothing he did a poor job of conveying it, instead shuddering and gridding against Sam, urgent sounds humming in his throat as he fumbled with Sam’s jeans.

The clothing proved more cumbersome than Cas had anticipated and with a grunt Sam found that he once again felt cool air along his entire length. He looked down to see that his clothing had yet again vanished and he couldn’t help but groan, “Oh my god, you did it again! Where do my clothes even go when you do that? Narnia?”

“I don’t understand that reference,” Castiel huffed against his lips, “But if it makes you feel better, I also dematerialized the rest of my own clothing as well.”

“Actually, yeah…yeah it does,” Sam panted as he pulled Cas back towards him for more kissing. Cas straddled Sam’s body and at their erections making contact they both moaned. Castiel drew back to eye Sam, “You have never done this before, correct?”

“Um…no. No, but I, ah, I may have snuck in some research today.”

“Oh?”

Sam nodded and Castiel grinned, kissing him once before whispering, “You are quite studious.”

“Are you telling me you’re not?”

Castiel shook his head, “No. It’s one of our matching qualities. I also, in fact, did some research on the subject of same sex copulation.”

Sam snorted, “It’s words like that that are going to kill the mood.”

“Does this kill the mood?” Castiel breathed as he reached out towards the bedside table and opened a drawer to withdraw a tube of lubricant and a box of condoms. Sam remembered him procuring both last night and he looked at them now as if they were the best things he had ever seen, “No. That definitely does not.”

Castiel looked at him seriously, “If it would not trouble you, I would like to ride you as you rode me. Is that acceptable?”

Sam felt his heart thud hard against his ribcage, “More than.”

“Excellent,” Castiel coated his fingers and rolled away from Sam, lying on his back. He parted his legs and let out a shaky sound as he started prepping himself, one finger entering easily followed by another and another. Sam watched, so aroused that he was pretty sure his entire body was going to combust. Castiel gripped his leaking length with his free hand and started steadily pumping himself as he looked at Sam, his normally calm eyes glazed like blue glass, “You can feel free to start preparing yourself…”

Sam blinked, looked at the box of condoms and nearly knocked them over in his haste to grab them. He took a few quick breaths, trying to slow his heart rate, reminding himself to take his time while he unwrapped one of the condoms and rolled it over himself. He arranged some of the plush pillows behind his body, trying to make sure all the angles would be perfect before Castiel rose up over him. The angel’s pupils were blown as he slowly lowered himself down onto Sam.

They both gasped at the sensation, at the meeting of their bodies. They had just done this yesterday but this was so different, so new, but just as perfect. It didn’t seem to matter what form they were in, their joining always felt fucking fantastic and Sam gripped Castiel’s hips, head thrown back as he resisted the urge to just thrust up and up.

“Tight,” Sam huffed, “You’re so fuckin’ _tight_ , Cas.”

Castiel only answered with a long, drawn out sound as he rose up and then dropped down, mimicking the actions Sam had used down in the kitchen. Their bodies were slippery with sweat as they started a rocking rhythm, Sam trying to leash himself in, trying to restrain himself in fear that he would hurt the man above him.

His hands bunched into fists in the covers beneath him and just out of his field of vision he could make out the cuff, could make out the little crystal attached. He could just see the little strands of black and he looked at Cas, voice sincere, “Cas… _please_ …”

“Sam,” That was Castiel’s answer. Sam’s name escaping him a ragged plea of his own.

“Cas…can I-can I see them?”

“See-?” Castiel breathed and Sam whispered, “Your wings…your wings…”

Castiel looked down at him, his movements slowing and for a moment Sam was terrified that he had ruined this, had destroyed this moment but instead Cas ran a hand over Sam’s eyes and when it was gone Sam could see them, could see Cas’ wings.

They were inky black and so goddamn beautiful Sam felt his whole body quake. He looked at them, his body as tight as a bow string and he wanted more than anything in the world to touch them, to feel them. His fingers tightened on the sheets, knuckles turning white as he whimpered, “Can I-?”

“Touch them,” Castiel begged, “Please, Sam. Please. Touch me.”

Sam unleashed the bed covers and tried to ignore how his fingers ached, how they sweated as they touched those lovely feathers. He buried his warm fingers in Castiel’s primaries, stroking the feathers, smoothing them out and Castiel started rocking on him, desperate noises leaving him, “Don’t stop, Sam, whatever you do, don’t stop…”

Sam couldn’t hold back any longer, couldn’t stop himself and he hoped Castiel would forgive him because as he touched the angel’s wings with both hands it was as if he completely lost his mind, everything fading away into a haze as he began forcefully pounding up into Cas, losing himself in him. Castiel didn’t seem to care though, just as eager, just as mad as the storm of lust between them broke.

Their cries rent the air as they worked in tandem, the need to come more than either of them could bear. Castiel broke first, heat exploding inside him in a pleasure so vivid and fierce he never could have imagined such a thing. He couldn’t see, nor hear, only feel his body as it went liquid, relaxing into a delirious kind of spasm that seared throughout his entire being.

A hoarse, animalistic groan left Sam as Castiel’s body closed around him as he came, squeezing him like a fist, the sensation only whipping him on. He kept taking the angel above him, taking and taking, until his own release sliced through him, emptying him out.

Together they collapsed on the bed, trying to regain their wits. The only sounds in the room for a long time were shaky pants and when Sam spoke his voice was notably hoarse, “That was…”

“Yes.”

Sam rubbed at his face and looked more critically at Castiel’s wings. He gently touched one and Castiel shivered, drawing it closer to himself as he whispered, “That’s-ah-tender.”

“Tender?”

Castiel’s face was naturally flushed from sex but it somehow managed to go a deeper shade as he mumbled, “My wings are…they can be, ah, an erogenous zone.”

Sam let that sink in as Castiel offered him a timid smile, “It…it was one of the reasons I showed them to you during our lovemaking. I wanted you to touch them.”

The hunter felt his head bobbing at that, “I see, I…thank you. I’m honored you’d let me, um-”

Castiel hushed him with a kiss and they rearranged themselves, Castiel cuddled up to Sam’s chest and yes, Sam innately realized they were cuddling but he really didn’t care. It felt good and it made him happy and as far as he was concerned, he was going to enjoy it. Besides, it seemed as if Castiel was onboard with…whatever this was.

Sam had a hard time thinking of Castiel as his boyfriend, because the term seemed too juvenile but he didn’t know how else to classify him. Lover? That seemed esoteric. Partner? Perhaps someday, but right now it felt too serious a description. Sam decided that he was probably better off not labeling it. All that mattered was that they were both currently comfortable and happy.

Castiel looked at Sam with his head cocked to one side, “Why are you troubled?”

“Just thinking about what we are now. What that means.”

Castiel searched his face, “You do not need to worry. I will not keep you from your brother. In fact, with his return I think it only natural you take up hunting with him again once this is all over.”

Sam looked at him with a little frown, “But what about you? Are you…are you just going to go on some other mission? Are you going to leave?”

Castiel shook his head, “No. I cannot help but think that since God has shown no disapproval in our joining he will not reassign me, even when this is complete. I believe I am with you now until the end, which suits me. I will merely take a back seat role on hunts. You and your brother can carry on as you did before and I will do the same, only now I will be more accessible.”

“I….I guess that’s good.”

“Is that not what you wish?”

“No, I mean…I want to be back with Dean, I just…I don’t know…I’ll kind of miss us. Just you and me. We made a good team.”

Castiel gave Sam a gentle kiss, “We are still a good team. We always will be. But I would not get in the way of your family.”

Silence settled between them until Castiel whispered so softly Sam almost missed it, “It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

“What? What did you always want.”

The angel seemed almost hesitant to answer, “A family.”

“But you have a family.”

Castiel shook his head, “We are soldiers. God, while called our Father, is more our Leader.”

“What about Gabriel? Seems like he’s trying to be a brother to you.”

Castiel blew out a breath, “Yes, well, that’s a new tactic for him. Before his involvement with your brother, he had very little do with me.”

“Hey,” Sam brushed Castiel’s cheek, kissed him again, “You do have a family. Okay? You’ve got Dean and I. We’re your family.”

Castiel smiled shyly, “Very well. What about you? Is there anything you’ve always wanted?”

Sam shrugged, “A dog. But that’s kind of hard seeing as we’re always on the road. Dogs need a lot of attention and love, they need time and effort and sadly I can’t offer any of that.”

“That’s unfortunate. It’s my understanding if you have a dog you must name it. What would you name your dog?”

“I don’t know,” Sam scratched at the back of his head, “I had a dog named Bones once. Maybe Riot? Harley? What about you? I’m sure you’ve never had a pet.”

“What do you think you are?”

Sam’s head reared back and he shoved at him, “You son of a-! You made a joke!”

“I am hilarious,” Castiel confided before saying, “I think I would name it Beales.”

“Beales?”

Castiel nodded, “You did tell me that was the name of the actress from ‘Flashdance’, yes?”

Sam rolled his eyes, “You and that movie.”

Castiel eased back and stroked Sam’s chest, looking deeply into his eyes, “Anything else you want?”

Sam caressed his face, “Between yesterday and today, you are going to kill me.”

“So, that’s a ‘no’ on the sex?”

Sam’s lips brushed Cas’ as he mumbled, “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

“Damn,” Sam muttered as he looked in the mirror the next morning to see he was yet again a woman. It had been so nice the other evening to finally be himself that he had almost forgotten that it was only temporary.

Castiel walked in and seeing the look on Sam’s face touched his shoulder, saying softly, “We will see this righted.”

Sam looked back at him with a small smile, “Yeah.”

They walked out hand in hand to find the others and at first Sam tried to ignore the little thrill that came from hand holding. After all, it was silly to be so jazzed about something innately innocent. But then Sam just chose to let the little thrill go through him because he decided he deserved it. And that was a strange thought – to think he actually felt that he deserved something for once.

Dean rounded a corner and, catching a glimpse of their joined hands, shot Sam a smirk, “Well, ain’t that just adorable.”

Sam squeezed Cas’ hand once before releasing it to punch Dean’s arm. Dean chuckled and shook his head, “See you’re back to the girl body.”

“For now. Cas and I talked about making this our next mission after we take down Icarus.”

Dean nodded, “Sounds like a plan. And hey, it’s a good thing I got to see you love birds before I headed out.”

Castiel’s eyebrows rose, “You’re leaving?”

“I’m sick of just sitting on the sidelines. Got a tip that I think might pan out and lead us to our man.”

Sam scowled, “I thought yesterday we agreed to wait.”

“Uh, no. You decided we should wait and I disagreed. Or, more accurately, got distracted,” Dean leered at Sam in that wolfish way that suggested he had gotten laid and Sam rolled his eyes, “Dude, really? You slept with Light?”

Dean stuck his hands in his pockets and put on a cool air, “I can neither confirm nor deny that.”

“Yeah, right. And to think you were giving me crap about a Bingo card. What’s that now? An angel, a deity…”

“What does intercourse have to do with Bingo?” Castiel questioned, “It was my understanding that Bingo was a game which involved-”

Dean waved them both off with a dry laugh, “Look, what happened or didn’t happen is irrelevant. That son of a bitch is out there and I, for one, am sick of waiting for him. Now, according to Light, she can’t just up and leave because that incantation would draw her out no matter where she is. So I’m going to go find Icarus and bring him what he’s got coming to him.”

“But you can’t kill him,” Sam stressed but Dean was undeterred, “True enough but I sure as hell can lead him this way. Bait the trap so to speak. Death’s coming; Gabe rolled in this morning…”

“He did?” Sam asked and Castiel picked up from where Dean left off, “Yes, I communicated with him earlier today.”

“Angel radio?”

Castiel nodded, “God did not return with him but instead bestowed the needed powers upon him.”

“Exactly,” Dean said, “So, there we go. All the parts are in place just waiting for this jackass to show up. I’m hoping I can goad him into coming out to play so we can finish this damn thing.”

“I should go with you.”

“Oh no,” Dean countered, “I need you here, Sam. I need someone I can trust to keep a look out.”

“I could do that for you,” Castiel offered but again Dean disagreed, “No, actually, because you’re the one I want to bring with me.”

Castiel and Sam both regarded Dean with some surprise but he was unfazed, “Look, Castiel and I are in need of a good catching up talk,” he looked between the two of them before lowering his eyes, “Amongst other things.”

Sam let out a huff, knowing the overprotective brother talk was definitely coming, but continued to listen as Dean explained, “Besides, Cas’ abilities will be an asset on this and with Gabriel’s power up from Daddy it wouldn’t be smart to bring him. Not to mention I’m super sick of his mouth.”

“Liar! You LOVE it!” Gabriel called out as he walked by, dressed in swimming trunks as he headed in the direction of the outdoor pool.

Dean looked at Sam, almost desperately, “You see what I mean, right?”

Sam let out a heavy sigh, “I guess. But I don’t like it.”

“I’ll stay in contact with you,” Dean promised, pulling out his cellphone and waving it, “And Cas can always get in touch with Gabriel if need be.”

Sam rubbed at his neck and huffed before finally tipping his head down a little, “Okay, okay. Fine. But I better hear from you. Both of you.”

Dean gave him a grin, “I’ll bring your boy back in one piece. Scout’s honor.”

“You were never a scout.”

“And, hey! You keep an eye on Light. Not saying anything but, y’know, I might have had a taste of Life and be thirsty for more.”

Sam wrinkled his nose, “That’s so oddly graphic.”

Dean gave him a wink then put an arm around Cas’ shoulder, “Come on, man. Let’s go have some fun. Sam told me you can see colors in souls. How about mine? Is it blue? Green? Plaid? Is it like auras?”

Castiel looked distinctly thrown at this but let Dean lead him out.

 

+

 

At first Dean and Cas kept their word and were in contact with Sam enough to make him feel somewhat comforted. But as time passed the communication became more and more scant and Sam started to worry. He paced around the dining room, eyeing his phone while Gabriel sat to one side; feet propped up, his face a mask of sardonic amusement.

“Come on, Sammy boy. You worry too much.”

“Don’t call me Sammy,” he muttered, hand unconsciously clenching on his cell.

“They’re fine. If there was some big ish, Cas would have contacted me direct. Besides, it’s around dinner time and you know how much that brother of yours likes to eat. He’s probably got his face buried in a cheeseburger right about now.”

Sam shook his head and kept pacing. Gabriel’s head lolled back and his eyes focused on the ceiling, “See, this is one of the many reasons I did that Tuesday thing. You are wounded up tighter than anyone I’ve ever seen. ‘Cept maybe Cas, which is probably why you two are hookin’ up. They say opposites attract but there’s something to be said for samesies and you and my brother are two peas in a very stressed out pod.”

“As if you’re not stressed,” Sam returned sharply, “You’re trying to play it off but I can tell what God did took its toll.”

Gabriel looked at him with narrowed eyes, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You want to talk about ‘samesies’ you and my brother are a lot alike too. He always lies when he feels like crap and that’s what you’re doing,” Sam sat down near Gabriel and pushed his feet off hard, forcing him to sit up, “I like to think of myself as pretty damned observant and I’ve been watching you. You’ve been lounging around like you can’t find the strength to get up and there are bags under your eyes. You’re trying to keep on that joker face you always wear but it’s tight, like it’s hurting you to try. So, why don’t you cut the crap?”

“Wow,” Gabriel said softly, “I like this rough and tumble side of you. Très sexy.”

Sam waited, eyes on Gabriel until he finally cracked, “Okay. Fine. You’re right. I went up there and God gave me a whammy dose of his mojo so I could help take down Icarus and you know what? It’s a friggin’ _burden_. Like, a burden I’ve never felt before and when I release it…”

Gabriel gave a little shrug, “Well, at least you and your brother can go back to being the mystery twins because I won’t be around.”

“Meaning?”

“Well, I won’t be dead but I’ll sure as hell be drained. Pop told me I’d probably have to go back upstairs to convalesce and let me tell you, that’s a bitch. Heaven is duller than dirt. Would way rather be down here where the action is.”

Sam didn’t know why he felt a twinge of guilt at that admission but he did, “You know, we really appreciate-”

“Oh, spare me,” Gabriel interrupted with a snort, “I’m not doing this for anybody but myself. The end of everything includes the end of me and I’m a self-centered son of a bitch. I don’t want to end. Not now, not ever. There are far too many things I want to do first. Not to mention depriving all of existence of me is just too upsetting to even contemplate.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile a little because he saw through the bluster of it. His brother and the archangel really did share an awful lot in common. Number one being their attempts to shuffle off their heroism as mere bravado. It was clear that both of them were willing to make the sacrifice play if they had to. It didn’t matter if they wanted to or not – they would do it because in the end they knew it was the right thing to do. They both were, at their core, good.

Sam had always worried he would never be that person. It hadn’t been until Lucifer and the pit that he had managed (at least somewhat) to convince himself that he could be. He got to his feet and patted Gabriel’s shoulder, “I suppose you’re right. It’d be a shame to see you go.”

“Ohhh, Sam, say that again. It makes me all tingly!

“I wasn’t finished. I was going to say it’d be a shame to see you go because it’s always so much fun kicking your ass.”

“But aren’t there other things you’d like to do with my ass…”

“Ugh! And with that!” Sam turned and left the room, the sound of Gabriel’s laughter following after him.

 

+

 

Sam was close to losing his mind.

It was nearing midnight and no word from either Dean or Cas. The only thing that remotely distracted him was Death’s arrival. His Cadillac Eldorado rolled up and when he exited Light was waiting for him. Her latest vessel was an elegant older woman with silver hair and a sharp British accent, she regarded him with one raised eyebrow, “I wondered when you’d show up. Looking as dreadful as ever, I see.”

“And I see you’re still surrounding yourself with parasites.”

“Says the man who just pulled up in a vehicle made by said parasites. Tell me, do you still have a love for their junk food? Seems a little counterproductive to your insults.”

Gabriel, who stood next to Sam as this went on, nudged him in the ribs, “See what I mean? Classic!”

“However, there,” Death continued, pointing to Gabriel and Sam, “Stand your worst transgressions. Keeping the company of a maniacal archangel and a Winchester. I see he inhabits a female body. Your doing?”

“God’s.”

“Hmm.”

“If you would like to come inside,” Light led Death in and Sam and Gabriel followed. They went into the dining room where a buffet had been laid out. Pizza, bacon dogs and pickle chips sat to one side and Light smirked, “I told them to make your favorites. See? I can be charitable.”

“You are the bane of my existence.” Death returned in a bored tone but her smile only grew, “Please. You would be lost without me. That’s why you’re here. Besides, you’ve been alive since life itself began and, oh, wait – who am I again?”

Gabriel jumped in, “Yes! This is like which came first, the chicken or the egg! Which one of you first appeared! Come on, come on, come on tell me! The suspense is killing me!”

Light sighed and rolled her eyes, “You did have a point. He is a maniacal idiot.”

“Hey!” Gabriel snapped, “He said maniacal archangel.”

“Yes, you’re that too. You can be more than one thing,” Light said sweetly before returning her attention back to Death, who had indeed made himself a plate of food and sat at the dining table to work on it, “But back to the pressing issue at hand…”

“If you recall,” Death said quietly, “I had suggested, at the time of Icarus’ initial crime, that he be punished far more harshly. It was only Daedalus and your soft hearts that spared him from his original fate.”

Sam perked up at that, “Which was?”

“Death couldn’t just reap him,” Light said, her eyes downcast, “That would have left him open to returning in some form. He couldn’t be cast out because that opened up the possibility of his becoming a demon and still seemed too tame a punishment. There had been talk, however, of…stretching his death, his very being, across all realities and timelines. Imagine, if you will, dying but the dying never stops. Endless, excoriating agony. Forever.”

“Yes,” Death added, “It was my proposal and I stand behind it. Had we done that, we would not be in the situation we are in now. The one where he threatens all.”

Sam looked at Light, “Can you do that?”

Light looked at Death and their eyes locked. She didn’t look away as she said, “Yes. I can. It’s what we’re doing this time. Combing our abilities, we will give Icarus back his mortality and then, together, we will scatter his very being.”

“And I get to be a part of that!” Gabriel added, “The three of us, a trinity of amigos! Using our Care Bear Stare to save the day!”

“I believe I will reap you after all this is over,” Death muttered as he picked at his pizza. Sam cleared his throat loudly, “While I look forward to seeing that, I’m going to go find my brother. It’s been way too long since I’ve heard from him or Cas. I should have insisted on going with them.”

Sam started walking towards the exit only to be blocked by Reger and another woman who, no doubt, was bound to be Light’s next vessel. The woman, not looking where she was going, bumped into him and mumbled an apology in Hindi. Reger spoke back to her in the same language, as did Light, who came over and took her hands, giving her a kiss on either cheek.

Sam was almost out of the room when he heard a choked off cry. He turned to see that the same ritual he had observed only night’s ago was somehow going terribly wrong. The white smoke currently curling out of Light’s mouth kept rising upwards instead of going into its new intended vessel. Light’s hands, which cupped the face of the girl that had bumped into Sam, tightened as if she was in pain and both women shrieked.

Reger immediately leapt into action, trying to separate them. At that exact same moment the glass window behind them exploded as Dean’s body violently crashed through it, landing on the floor near the dining room table. Bellowing his brother’s name, Sam shot over to him. Dean looked like hell, lacerations all over his body, his clothing in shreds. The terrible growl that Sam now recognized as a Manticore’s rang out as well as the loud roars of an unruly mob.

He looked outside to see that throngs of people were now rushing towards the estate. Where in God’s name had they all come from? Reger talked quickly into his headset, calling for immediate back up. A flood of dark suited security guards emerged and the insane chaos continued, people running everywhere, the sounds of gunfire ringing out.

Sam shook Dean lightly, trying to get some sort of response. Dean moaned and his eyes fluttered weakly. Gabriel called out to both of them and was in the process of coming over when a blur of dark wings blocked him from Sam’s view. A snarling Manticore leapt for Gabriel and the archangel cursed as he dodged it. Sam turned his attention back to his brother only to see Light’s new vessel coughing near him, gasping, “I-I barely made it into Deepika! Som-something was trying to draw me away!”

“Icarus?”

She nodded and looked at Dean, “Here. Let me…”

Pressing a hand to his forehead, a pulse of white light shot out through her a hand and into Dean’s body. All the cuts and bruises on him vanished and he blinked rapidly, sitting up, “Holy shit.”

“Better?” she asked and he nodded, looking himself over, “Uh, yeah. Actually. Feeling pretty damn super aside from the fact that we are mega screwed!”

“Dean, what happened? Where’s Cas?”

“No doubt still trying to distract that dickbag, Icarus! We found him not far from the property, Sammy. He and his little followers had set up camp and they set it up with the works. Weapons, blue prints of the house, strategic battle plans – the whole nine yards. Icarus has some hot little number with him. She seemed to be the brains behind this whole thing.”

“One of Light’s former vessels?”

“Don’t think so. From the way she was talking, seemed like she was a Hunter.”

“A Hunter?” Sam repeated, stunned at this revelation only to spring into action as more shots rang out, these ones whizzing past them. Dean, Sam and Light charged towards the dining room table, knocking it over and leaping behind it, using it as a barricade from the barrage of bullets hailing them. The table was thick enough to offer some safety as did Reger and his men, who had taken position and were returning fire. Gabriel and Death were nowhere to be seen and the night air was rent with screams, gunfire, and the sounds of Manticores.

Dean grimaced at that in particular, shaking his head, “He’s got an assload of those fucking things! Monsters remind me a helluva lot of Hellhounds.”

“They’re related.”

Rolling his eyes, Dean pulled out his own gun, loading it, “’Course they are.”

“Yoo hoo!” a recognizable voice rang out, “Anyone home?”

Sam scowled, “Icarus.”

“You guys can come out. Promise. All the fireworks are behind us.”

Sam carefully looked around the edge of the table and watched as Icarus walked over the broken glass and several dead guards. The sounds of battle raged behind him but did seem slightly muttered and he tugged at his coat, looking bored, “Come on, my guys are distracted fighting your guys, the angels are off playing with my pets, and Death? Well, let’s just say he’s got his hands full.”

Sam looked at Dean who reached into his coat and withdrew his hunting knife. Sam took it before cautiously rising. Icarus gave him a crooked smile, “Ah! There you are! Just as lovely as I remember!”

Sam tightened his grip on the knife, “You’re not touching her, Icarus.”

“Oh Sam, you are just too adorable! Just like your big brother. You should have heard the things he was saying to me before I rightfully handed him his ass.”

Dean shot up, gun aimed at Icarus, “You didn’t do jack! You had a whole squad of goons beat on me while you sat back and flapped your yap. One thing I can’t stand is when the friggin’ bad guy’s monologing me. Especially when it’s some bullshit about how you’re just trying to consummate an epic romance.”

“That’s what we share. Light and I. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

Light steadily rose, her voice cold, “We share nothing.”

Icarus looked at her as if he’d been stricken. It took him a few moment to gather himself before he spoke, “Light…It’s-it’s good…you look good. It’s good to see you.”

“No,” she returned firmly, “It’s not. I don’t want to see you, Icarus. Never. We had this discussion. We had ages ago.”

“Okay, yes, but I was _different_ then,” he insisted, his eyes taking on a mad gleam, “I made mistakes. I’ll admit that. But I’m _better_ now. You were right to punish me, you were. You were right to push me away, I wasn’t worthy of you then. I see that now. But after all this time - I’ve grown, matured, become so much more than I ever was. You have no idea the things I’ve learned, the things I’ve seen…and it was all thanks to you. Thanks to you and your decision to send me away. And I know that you did it so that we could come to this moment, this moment where we can finally be together, finally work things through and see all this madness, all this horror, end.”

Light had started shaking her head the moment he began talking, looking more and more disturbed at each word, “You are completely out of your mind. Despite what you tried to do to me - I took pity on you. And in that pity I spared you what I felt was a fate worse than death. But now…you’re proving me wrong.”

Icarus edged forward and Sam and Dean blocked Light, pushing her behind them, protecting her. A cool voice rang out, “You boys might want to back up. I’m a damn fine shot with this here bow.”

Sam’s eyes widened as Abbie stepped up towards them, a crossbow leveled at the pair of them, “Abbie?”


	17. Chapter 17

Dean looked between Sam and Abbie, “Sam? You know this bitch?”

Abbie smirked, “Ah, Dean Winchester. Ever the charmer.”

“She…she trained me,” Sam said softly, “After the change. Bobby put out a call…I had to adjust to my new body, I had to,” he cut himself off shaking his head, eyes still on the blonde Hunter, “Abbie, why are you doing this?”

She gave a delicate shrug, “I told you. I play dirty.”

“Dirty enough to work with his son of a bitch?” Dean asked gruffly but Abbie didn’t take her eyes off Sam, “Don’t look so shocked, Sam. I did what I had to.”

“And-and what? You had to do this?”

“Sam, you know as well as I do that this world…it’s a shithole. It’s a shithole and it’s not ever going to get any better. I mean, look at my family – look at your family. Look at our fucked up fathers, our headstrong brothers – look at all those bastards that have given you shit ever since you got tits. Sexism, racism, the general degradation of it all – things aren’t going to get better. Not ever. It’s a goddamn hopeless endeavor. There’ll never be such a thing as equality or peace. They don’t exist. It’s not in our nature. I discovered Oblivion and I signed on because this has got to end. I just want it to end. Isn’t that what you want? Deep down? For all of this to be over?”

Sam listened and his mind went back to when Cas had first pulled him from the river, it went to Bobby and Gabriel and Light, it went to his brother’s smile and Castiel’s lips on his own and the words left him without another thought, “No. No, I don’t want it to end. Not like this.”

She pouted at him, “Oh, you poor baby! You stupid sap! A little time with these yo-yos and you think everything’s all sunshine and roses? It won’t last. It never does. You must know that. Now how’s about you and your brother step off and let Icarus claim his lady love.”

“How can you condone this? How can you support him?”

“Oh, I don’t. Not really. But this is the only path to Decimation. So, Icarus? How’s about you do your thing?”

Icarus moved forward and Dean took a shot. Unfortunately, his invulnerability was still firmly in place and bullets ricocheted off like he was Superman. Light shrank back, her back hitting the wall behind her while Dean kept firing. Abbie lined up to shoot her crossbow at Dean but Sam knocked the weapon forcefully out of her hand.

The two broke out into a vicious fight, Sam using everything he had been taught and then some. He yanked at Abbie’s hair while simultaneously jabbing his knee up sharply into her gut. Air whooshed out of the blonde but she recovered quickly, managing to twist away from Sam’s grasp. She moved lithely, darting behind Sam to get him in a headlock.

Sam took a firm hold of the arm Abbie had locked under his chin, sinking his teeth into it. Abbie screeched and let go of him, allowing him to pivot around and punch her fully in the face. Abbie’s head whipped back but Sam didn’t falter, tackling her to the ground. The two continued to struggle until Abbie somehow managed to get Sam beneath her, her hands clasped tightly around his throat, choking him.

Blood dribbled from her mouth as she looked down at Sam, “You just don’t get it! This is for the best!”

Sam’s hands clawed up at Abbie’s face as he struggled to breathe, his fingers trying to scratch her eyes out. Abbie’s grip tightened but then slackened as her eyes went wide, a sharp gasp leaving her. She collapsed on top of Sam, dead. Death stood behind her, one hand raised from where he had touched her, “That’s quite enough of that.”

Sam coughed, trying to catch his breath as Death kneeled down next to him. Sam pushed Abbie off of him and looked at Death with some surprise. Death merely lifted one slim shoulder, “She was responsible for my recent…detainment. It was deserved.”

“H-how?” Sam croaked.

Death looked at Abbie’s body and shook his head, “It’s unimportant at this time. I believe it is best if we turn our attentions to helping your brother.”

Sam wheezed as he got to his feet, wobbling slightly. Dean was currently fighting with Icarus and the fight was not going well. Icarus’ inability to be hurt was clearly a boon in his favor and Dean was having difficulty keeping up with him physically. Light was watching all of it, not moving, frozen against the wall. Icarus managed to get a good hold on Dean and physically threw him against a still unsteady Sam, knocking them both over. He charged over towards Light, jaw clenched, his arms framing either side of her head, effectively pinning her in, “There we go…no more distractions.”

“Icarus…”

“They just don’t understand, Light. No one does. Not even you. There’s nothing, nothing, worse than being kept away from the one you love.”

Light’s eyes glistened with tears, “You don’t love me, Icarus. You’re not capable of the word.”

He reached out to brush her cheek and she shuddered away from him. Death spoke up, “If you wish to keep that hand, I suggest you rethink its current course.”

Icarus smirked, not looking away from Light as he spoke, “I have nothing to fear from you, remember? You can’t reap me.”

“No, that is true. For now.”

“For always. God didn’t make it to the party and Gabriel’s currently a chew toy. Castiel too. Abbie orchestrated all of this. Your man Reger, he is loyal but he is still a man. And you know how men can be. So trustworthy until the right girl comes along…”

Light glared at him but tears had escaped and Icarus shushed her, “Now, now…come on…don’t cry. It’s alright. It’ll all be over soon.”

“Yes, it will be,” Gabriel’s voice rang out and Icarus turned with some surprise to see both Gabriel and Castiel behind him. They both looked a little tattered and their clothes were covered in dark black blood. Icarus’ sneered, “I see you two killed my pets.”

Gabriel wiped some of the gore off his face, pointing his bloodied angel blade at him, “Damn straight. Now back off.”

Icarus turned back to Light and cupped her face in his hands, “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You’ll just have to stop me.”

Icarus started chanting even as Death and Gabriel rushed forward. Light convulsed, white light escaping her vessel to be drawn into Icarus. It seemed to go into him against its will and Deepika dropped to the ground. Icarus wavered on his feet, his eyes shining out with bright white light. Death and Gabriel both reached for him at the same time and the moment the connection was made a horrible sound rang out. It was like the hallowed rings of some ancient bell, the chimes sounding with dread.

Sam and Dean, who had slowly risen to their feet, watched with awe as Icarus looked at them, his eyes still burning white his voice a disembodied boom, “My work is complete. The Decimation begins.”

Sam and Dean turned to look behind them and watched as everything began to, for lack of a better word, disintegrate. Miles away they could see everything dissolve and unravel, rising into the sky and turning into blank nothingness. Sam looked at Icarus and suddenly realized what his plan had always been. It wasn’t just about merging his grace with Light – it was about getting Life and Death to fully integrate into one another. By possessing Light, by possessing Life, Icarus had reached out to Death and made a connection.

Death was reaping Life. And if Life no longer existed, there was no point to Death. There was no point to anything. All of existence was collapsing in on itself. This was it. This was the end. Sam looked at the world disintegrating around him and then he saw Castiel. The angel stood to one side, looking at him with solemn blue eyes. Castiel had believed in him. Castiel had said only Sam could save them.

But Sam hadn’t.

He had failed them.

He hadn’t been smart enough, hadn’t been fast enough. 

Just like before. Just like with Lucifer.

Sam’s eyes widened at that thought. Lucifer. It had been like this with Lucifer. It had seemed too late until…

With halting steps Sam moved towards the trinity before him. It was like walking through thick molasses, each step more difficult than the last but eventually he reached them – Death, Life, and (in a way) God. They were linked to one another but Icarus wasn’t part of the equation. Sam looked at Icarus and spoke, his voice coming out strained as the world around them continue to be consumed, “Light! I know you can hear me! Overpower him! Cast him out! C’mon, I know you can do it! If I can, then you can! I didn’t let Lucifer take me! Not in the end! So don’t let Icarus take you! Fight him!”

At first it seemed like his shouts were a useless endeavor but then an unearthly scream rang out. Sam watched in awe as Icarus’ body seemed to tear in half. His whole being shattered like glass, tiny fragments of him stretching out thinner and thinner, the scream becoming tinnier and dimmer until it was inaudible. In his place stood a blinding, ethereal being of pure energy.

Musical notes rang out but they resounded in Sam’s head to form words, “Thank you, Samuel Winchester. I am free.”

Sam looked behind him, expecting everything to return to normal but it had not. Instead everything was still dissolving but at a much slower rate. His heart sank as he turned back. Both Death and Gabriel had broken away from Light’s grip. Gabriel looked drained and collapsed to his knees. Death stood firm but his eyes looked grim.

Sam shook his head, “I don’t understand…”

“The connection was still made,” Death intoned, “In our attempts to give Icarus mortality we inadvertently started the process in Light. He merged with her just enough to make this possible. I have reaped her. At least partially. And in doing so the Decimation has begun. Life is ending and with no more Life-”

“No, I know that!” Sam interrupted with a hiss, suddenly beyond pissed to see his efforts were still calculating up to failure, “I see that! But there has got to be something-”

“This cannot be undone.” Death said simply but suddenly Light zeroed in on Sam, loomed forwards towards him. Sam couldn’t look at her directly, it was impossible to. She was so bright it was like looking directly into the sun but he could hear her as she spoke, “No, wait. There is a way. You have a spark of life within you.”

Sam felt warmth pass over his belly and he looked down, confused until it clicked in his mind. It clicked terribly. He looked at Castiel. Castiel looked back at him, just as stunned, just as wide eyed. Dean also looked stricken. Light continued, “It is at its most raw, its most primal. If I merge with it, and you, I can reconstitute myself.”

Sam tried to swallow but his mouth was dry and his heart had stopped beating long ago, “If-if we merge…”

“It is a sacrifice. The greatest of sacrifices. I am sorry to ask this of you, but it is the only course. The decision is yours.

Castiel walked over to Sam. Sam turned to look at him and his eyes were blurry and hot. He was crying and he fucking hated it. He looked at Castiel and thought about how he had wanted a family and about how unfair all of this was. How crazy all of it was. He thought of Bobby. He thought of Dean. And then, he thought of how he had been just twenty four hours earlier.

He looked at Castiel and whispered softly, brokenly, “I was happy.”

Castiel cupped his face and kissed him. It was a hungry, desperate kiss. It was the kind of kiss that signaled that this was it – this was the last one. This was the end. Sam kissed him back just as fiercely, hands gripping his hair, drawing him as close as humanly possible. And when he drew away he shuddered, trembling, lips shaking because he wanted to kiss Cas again. He wanted to kiss him a hundred times; he didn’t want this to be over, not ever.

He wanted there to be more time, just a little more time…

He looked into Castiel’s sad blue eyes and they spoke without speaking. Castiel brushed Sam’s cheek one more time before the Winchester turned away from him to face Light, his voice ringing out with a solid, “Yes.”

“Sam!” Dean called out but it was too late. Light infused her being with Sam’s and they blended into one another. The world around them quickly snapped back into place. The blankness behind them was gone. Even the broken window and destroyed estate were gone. It was as if time had been rewound. Death, Gabriel, Dean, Castiel, and Light were in the dining room, which looked completely untouched.

Light fully inhabited the body that had once been Sam’s and she looked at Death, who merely inclined his head as if to say goodbye before vanishing. Gabriel, who had never recovered from his descent to the floor, also disappeared. Dean looked at Light, furious, “So what? That’s it! You guys vaporized Icarus or strung him out across all realities or whatever and that’s it? We don’t win because the only way to stop this is for my brother to give up everything! Again! First the Apocalypse and now this and this-this is bullshit!”

“Not all is lost,” Light’s voice sounded again in that musical, disembodied way, “I can return your brother to you but he shall be as he was.”

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed, “I don’t understand.”

“I can draw upon his soul what is left of him. I can pool it all together and he will be reborn but he will be as he was before he fell into The Cage. He will have no memory of the time that took place after.”

Dean let that sink in. He looked at Castiel. If Sam came back but his memories of everything that happened after The Cage weren’t present, he wouldn’t remember being a girl. He wouldn’t remember Light. He wouldn’t remember Icarus. He wouldn’t remember the Decimation. But more importantly, he wouldn’t remember his time with Cas – he wouldn’t remember his feelings for him.

Dean looked at the angel, “Cas…”

Castiel didn’t look back, eyes on Light, “Do it.”

“It is done.” Light intoned and she disappeared in an explosion of blinding light. Dean did his best to shield his eyes but still saw floating colors before him for a few moments. When his vision fully cleared a very naked, and wholly male, Sam lay in a heap before him. Dean quickly crouched down near his brother, taking his face in his hands and shaking him lightly, “Hey! Hey, Sam? Sammy? Can you hear me?”

“Dean?” Sam asked hoarsely.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m here.” Dean looked over at Castiel who had stripped off his trench coat. He draped it over Sam’s nude form and Dean did his best to bundle it around Sam. Dean turned his head to thank Cas but the angel was gone.


	18. Chapter 18

Dean sat on Bobby’s back porch, a cold beer in hand. He looked at the starry night sky and took a long sip of his drink. Sam was sitting next to him, also quietly drinking, he picked at the label of his beer bottle, “So…that’s it?”

Dean shrugged, “Yeah. Pretty much.”

“God pulled me out of The Cage, we stopped this Decimation thing-”

“You,” Dean corrected, “You stopped it, Sam. Just like the Apocalypse. You’re a goddamn hero.”

Sam let out a huff, “Yeah, okay, no. We, Dean. You and me, we’re a team. So, _we_ stopped this Decimation thing and I lost my memory of the past couple of months because of it?”

“That’s the gist of it.”

“Why would my merging with Light fix-?”

“I don’t know,” Dean hedged, “It was like…she took your potential for a kid or something.”

“Wait-what? Am I, like, sterile now or something?”

“No,” Dean scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous, man! That’s not the kinda thing she’d do. If anything, I think she’s kind of your pseudo daughter now or something.”

Sam’s puzzled expression was normally something Dean would laugh at but not now as Sam continued, “But you said she merged with me? So wouldn’t that make her more part of me or-?”

Dean rubbed at his face and took another slug of his drink, “Look, dude, I don’t know. It all happened pretty damn fast. Long story, short – we won. And as far as I’m concerned, all that really matters is that I’m back, you’re back-we’re back. The Winchesters doing the family business.”

“So using me and my, um, potential to create life she rebooted herself and was saved from being reaped? She got a second chance.”

“Sounds about right.”

Sam shook his head, “That’s crazy.”

“What in our lives _isn’_ crazy?”

“This still doesn’t explain why I keep finding women’s clothing everywhere,” Sam muttered and Dean choked a little on his drink. He had told Sam everything he felt his brother could handle. Adding in the whole you-were-a-woman-for-a-while thing wasn’t one of them. At least not now, so he said gingerly, “That’s-uh-not important, man. Like I said, all that’s important is that you and I are back on track. It sucks you lost time; I’m not going to deny that. But the basics haven’t changed. Same president, same crappy shows on television, same mission, same brother – pretty much the status quo is still quo.”

Sam gave him a wry look, “I’m taking it the clothing has something to do with you. What, did you have a girlfriend before my amnesia?”

“Yeah, you got me,” Dean offered, “She was around for a while but it didn’t work out.”

“What was her name?”

“What?” Dean asked dumbly and Sam narrowed his eyes at him, “Her name, the girl you-”

“Oh, uh…Nicole?”

“Really.”

“Yeah, man. Called her Niki. She was great.”

“You know Dean; you’re really not as good at lying as you think you are.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Look, man, just give it a rest.”

Sam sighed and chose to finish off his beer. He put it to one side, eyes on the sky, “What about Cas?”

“What about him?” his brother returned cautiously.

“Well, I mean since I-y’know-woke up sans memories I’ve seen you and Bobby but no sign of Cas. You said he helped us with the Decimation but left afterwards. Seems kind of odd. You think he would have been around since then but so far nothing.”

Dean struggled for a moment with how to answer. Besides the body change, the only other thing Dean had had yet to discuss with Sam was his relationship with Castiel. Partially because he didn’t know where to begin but mostly because he felt it wasn’t any of his business. As such, he had been doing his damned best to avoid conversations like this.

“He’s got his own things to do, Sam. Like I told you- God’s back, so I imagine he’s got to deal with that. And then there’s Crowley down below – who knows what he’s up to. We took care of one of many end of the world plots. I’m sure another one’s brewing. If we need him he’ll show up.”

“Still…” Sam trailed off, shifting a little where he sat, “I don’t know…I-I feel like he’s avoiding us.”

“He’s not avoiding us.” Just avoiding you, he didn’t add as Sam got to his feet. Sam looked down at the leather cuff around his wrist and tugged at it wistfully, “You said he gave this to me?”

Dean knew little about the cuff. Sam had found it amongst his things and, for whatever reason, had been drawn to it. He had put it on and had not taken it off since. Dean figured there was something significant about it and found it kind of heartening to see him wear it, so with this in mind he said, “Yeah, it was from him.”

Sam smiled, “It’s nice. Comfortable.”

“Yeah, really ties your outfit together, man. Tim Gunn’d be proud.”

Sam looked at him over one shoulder with his eyebrows raised, “He give you anything?”

“Nah, I’m perfect just the way I am.” Dean rose from where he sat, “I’m gonna go in and grab another beer. You want one too?”

Sam merely nodded and Dean went inside. He opened the fridge and pulled out two beers. He popped both caps off before hearing behind him, “Hello, Dean.”

Dean turned to see Castiel standing there. He had his trench coat back on. He had probably popped upstairs and grabbed it before showing up here. Dean let out a heavy breath he hadn’t been aware he’d been holding, “Hey. Wondered when you’d show up.”

“How’s Sam?”

“He’s good. Confused, sort of pissed about having a chunk of his memories missing, but otherwise fine. How about you?”

Castiel didn’t answer but his eyes looked sad, “My Father is gone.”

“What? Again?”

“His departure does not bode well for us. Unease has already begun to spread and a civil war now seems likely.”

“Wow, that guy really is a prize, isn’t he? How’s about Gabe?”

“Still recovering. I have Balthazar looking after him.”

“Who’s Balthazar?”

“A…friend.”

“Really? You have one of those?” Dean tried to tease but Cas had moved to one of the windows and was looking outside at Sam. Sam had his back to him, eyes on the sky and Cas touched the glass of the window. Dean sighed and put down the beers, his hands going to his pockets as he stood next to Castiel, “You know, you could go talk to him. Tell him…”

“No,” Castiel shook his head, lowering his hand, “It would do no good.”

“Cas…he, I mean I think he might’ve been maybe…falling for you. Before the mind wipe thing. You certainly seemed to…” Dean trailed off, feeling mighty uncomfortable. The idea of his brother and the angel’s relationship was still quite a lot for him to take in. It wasn’t that he minded it – far from it. But he was now put in this strange, third-wheel position he didn’t want to be in. Especially thanks to all the secrets and lies that he had to deal with.

 

Despite what Sam may have thought; Dean didn’t like lying to him. He didn’t like keeping him in the dark. But in this case, he just didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what the right course of action was.

Still, for his brother’s sake, he felt like he had to intervene and push the angel in the right direction, “You should tell him. He felt that way once. He could feel it again.”

“You don’t understand,” Castiel’s deep voice held a kind of pain Dean had never heard before, “Light didn’t just take his memories. She said it herself. She had to draw from his soul to reform him. He’s…different now. His soul glows bright white, the very fabric of it has changed. He has changed. Irrevocably. He is no longer the person I was…that I…”

The angel couldn’t finish the sentence and instead said quietly, “When I returned to Heaven, when God was gone…Raphael told me…he said that I did not fall because this was to be my punishment. I did not lose my grace but I lost everything else I could possibly ever have – that I could want – love, a family…and I was given emotions so I could _feel_ the loss.”

“He said God did that?”

Castiel nodded and Dean shook his head, “Look, God maybe a dick but I don’t know…that sounds cold blooded even for him. And we’ve dealt with Raphael before - guy’s full of crap.”

“He was not wrong though,” Castiel whispered, “I do feel the loss. And it feels…devastating…”

Dean patted his shoulder, gave it a squeeze, “Cas…man…you should just talk to him. Just try.”

“No, don’t you see? In caring I-I find that I cannot do that to him. I cannot make this more difficult than it already is. It’s better this way. He has you again, he is returned to how he was before…it is what he would have wanted. It was what he wanted when I pulled him from the river…”

“Yeah, okay, but he changed since then. He got to know you and be with you-”

“That time is gone,” the angel interrupted firmly, “He does not remember those things. And I will not inflict him with the burden of knowing of them. Of being told his memories but not being able to feel the emotional connection to them.”

“But you remember.”

“Yes. I do.”

They were quiet for a long time and Dean wracked his brain, trying to think of a way to get Castiel to change his mind. Finally he said softly, “With you he was…happy.”

Castiel looked at Dean, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, “Yes. And so was I.”

The sound of flapping wings resounded and Castiel disappeared, leaving Dean alone to look out at his brother.

+

Sam looked at the stars and tried to remember.

It was driving him crazy…this blank section in his mind. He remembered falling into the pit and the Apocalypse, he remembered a bloody Dean and a dead Bobby and Cas and screaming in his own mind and then…then being in someone’s house, naked, with Cas’ trench coat draped over him.

Dean told him what he swore was everything but Sam knew he was holding out on something. On what he couldn’t say but he didn’t push it because frankly he didn’t have the strength for it. Dean could be annoyingly secretive but something about this particular secret niggled deep down in Sam’s mind – it was as if it was something he had to discover on his own – something that couldn’t just be told to him.

The stars were unbelievably beautiful tonight and Sam thought about how God had created some of them. Huh. Funny. All of them, right? Shouldn’t he have thought God created all of them? Sam looked down at the cuff around his wrist again. There was a tiny crystal droplet attached to it on a silver chain. He fingered the crystal, looking at the tiny strands of black inside.

He nudged it with one finger and for a moment he felt…something. It was almost-almost like a memory. A little spark. But then it was gone.

The End


End file.
